Fighting Fate
by PhoenixRN
Summary: The sequel to "Impending Doom." Four years later, Edward and Bella are preparing for Alice's wedding. When they get some news that neither one of them expected, these two will need to fight to keep their relationship afloat.  All EPOV.
1. Chapter 1

**Story Notes:**

_Disclaimer: _First of all, I do not own Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended. These characters belong to SM.

This is the sequel to Impending Doom, and it takes place four years later. There is a recap in the first chapter, so you don't have to read Impending Doom first, but I would recommend it.

This story will be all EPOV.

**Warnings:**

This story deals with depression, and will specifically deal with Post-Partum Depression in later chapters. If that is a sensitive topic for you, please don't read this.

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><p><strong>Chapter Notes:<strong>

For anyone who read the teaser at the end of Impending Doom, please note that this chapter takes place about eight weeks _prior _to Alice's wedding. Alice's wedding will be in chapter three. There is also a lot of necessary recap from Impending Doom, so please be patient with that and enjoy!

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><p><strong>Fighting Fate<strong>

Chapter 1- June

"Alice, please don't start with the binder," I grumbled, taking a sip of my coffee. "It's seven in the morning."

"Dammit, Edward. I'm getting married in eight short weeks and every minute counts!" she exclaimed, stamping her foot impatiently on the linoleum floor.

"At least let me finish my coffee," I said with a sigh.

"Fine," she sighed, flopping down next to me at the bar and flipping through her binder.

My little sister's wedding planning binder had become a source of contention in our house. Alice graduated from high school two weeks ago, and since then she had been a whirlwind of wedding planning, a stereotypical Bridezilla. My wife and I joked at first that we were going to steal the binder from her and bury it in the backyard, leaving clues for her to find it to keep her busy for a while so we could have some peace and quiet for a change.

Alice was thirteen years my junior. When she was fourteen she was caught in a tragic house fire that killed both of our parents. We had no aunts or uncles, and our grandparents had long passed. At twenty-seven years old, I left my life in Seattle and came to Forks to care for her.

It wasn't easy at first. Alice had been burned terribly in the fire, on her shoulders, neck and most of her back. She fell into a depression, leaving her friends behind as she mourned for the loss of her parents, and lamented the scars. As clueless as I was, I didn't realize how deeply the scars affected her until her English teacher, Bella, intervened and took her under her wing.

A year later, Bella became my wife and is still the love of my life. Things were not easy for us at first.

Bella's father was named Charlie, a great man who helped me get on my feet when I returned to Forks and took Alice in. During this time, Bella came back to Forks as well and reunited with her father and brother Emmett, after a twenty year forced separation.

Bella had been through a very hard time, suffering abuse for most of her life at the hands of her mother and the many boyfriends she brought into Bella's life. When Bella and I met, I knew it was fate that brought us together. Bella helped me get Alice to become human again, and I spent every waking moment of my life trying to make Bella happy. She deserved it; she was a beautiful person.

As soon as Alice noticed that my coffee cup was empty, she flipped open a page in the book. "Okay, so Darcy and I are working on the seating arrangements today," she explained, showing me a very detailed and color coded diagram. "I wanted to put you and Bella at a table with Charlie and Sue, of course. I'll seat Emmett and Rosalie there as well, but that's only six. Since we don't have any other family, and we need eight at the table, I was going to put Billy and Jacob Black there. They're friends of Charlie's."

"I know who they are, Alice, that's fine," I said. I failed to understand why seating arrangements were so important. I was still happy that four years ago, Bella and I decided to have a simple wedding on the cliffs of La Push, with no reception, just a nice dinner and a couple of drinks back at Charlie's house. It was simple and beautiful, and most importantly stress free.

Jasper's family was inordinately large. His mother, Darcy, was one of eleven children, and Alice insisted on inviting every single one of Jasper's more than 30 cousins. Alice's wedding would be no small event. I was glad to have Jasper's mother helping Alice with most of the wedding planning, although Darcy was often as hyper as Alice was. I knew Alice was sad that our mother and father weren't there to attend the wedding. Bella and I would make due to stand in for our parents, but I knew it wasn't the same. I tried very hard to be patient with her manic wedding planning, but it was difficult at times, especially when she was acting like a manic Drill Sergeant.

Jasper and Alice had been together since Alice was fourteen and Japser was fifteen. Jasper took a year off of school to wait for Alice to go to college. He worked full time and saved up for an apartment to rent near the University of Washington. Jasper and Alice insisted on getting married before college so that they could live together. The college didn't allow cohabitation of freshman unless they were married.

Alice and I argued about her getting married so young for hours after she told me. I didn't think that her and Jasper living together was a good enough reason to get married at eighteen. It was Bella who made me see reason though.

She reminded me that she and I hadn't been together very long before we decided to get married, only a few months really. We both knew then that it was fate that brought us together, and the short courtship didn't matter, because we both knew in our hearts that we were meant to be together. She then pointed out that Alice and Jasper had been together for four years, and they were brought together by fate as well. Whether Alice got married at eighteen or eighty, it would undoubtedly be to Jasper. I could see it in Alice's eyes that there would never been anyone else for her, and Jasper felt the same about her.

Alice and Jasper had a few hurdles to get through when they first started the wedding planning process. Jasper told her in the beginning that he wanted a Civil War themed destination wedding, where he would dress as a soldier and she would be the Southern Belle. This resulted in Alice crying for two straight days with nothing Bella or Darcy could do to calm her down. Alice had shouted to him that the wedding was off, and Jasper had to grovel for days, but they were better now. My little sister was just a bit dramatic most of the time.

Instead of Jasper's destination wedding, they would have a large formal wedding courtesy of Alice's meager inheritance. The only thing that survived the fire that took our parents was a rare Aston Martin that I was able to sell for almost two hundred grand. I gave her half, and she put some away for tuition and decided to use the rest on her dream wedding. I tried to argue with her to invest it, but she wouldn't budge. Since I would do anything to make Alice happy, I eventually relented and supported her decision, knowing how important it was to her.

I was out for the summer as well. I waited two long years tending bar in the evenings at a local pub until a position teaching music finally opened up at Forks Middle School. I had a Master's degree in Music Education, and was thrilled to find a position where I could actually use my degree. I loved my students and truly missed them when school let out for the summer.

Alice took my free time to mean that I could be her personal assistant for wedding planning, but I had other things I wanted to accomplish with my free time, including fixing up our little house. There were plenty of repairs and maintenance that were long overdue, and I decided it would be a good way to fill the void while Bella was at work.

For the last week I hadn't gotten much done around the house. My poor Bella had been sick from Bronchitis for the last week, and I spent my time taking care of her, even though she resisted. I joked with her that only she had bad enough luck to contract bronchitis in the middle of June. She was an awful patient when she was sick, stubborn as ever, and she insisted on trying to go to work and taking care of herself despite how clearly awful she felt.

When Alice finally left to head to Jasper's house for more wedding planning, I got up to check on Bella. She decided to take off the last couple of days sick from work, which was very unlike her, giving me cause for worry. She still worked as an editor for a large publishing firm in Seattle. Her brother's wife was named Rosalie, and her father owned the publishing company. He allowed Bella to work from home instead of having to move to Seattle. Seattle was never an option for her. After twenty years separated from her father, she didn't want to stray too far from him.

I was surprised when I entered our bedroom to find that Bella wasn't in the bed. I heard the shower running, so I laid back and waited for her. When she finally emerged from the shower, she looked absolutely beautiful, as she always did. Her long chestnut hair curled naturally as it dried and her light blue silk robe left very little to the imagination. I unashamedly ogled her as she smiled and said "good morning."

"Mmm, good morning to you," I answered. "You look like you're feeling better." She had been so pale the last few days, constantly coughing and barely sleeping. She had taken a course of antibiotics though, and today the color was back in her cheeks, and life was back in her big brown doe eyes.

"Much better," she answered, a smile gracing her face. "Good as new."

She crawled over to me where I sat on the bed and kissed me. "I missed this," I murmured against her lips. She had a strict "no kissing" policy during her illness, which absolutely killed me. Even after four years of marriage, I couldn't get enough of her.

"Me too," she said back, barely breaking her rhythm as she continued exploring my mouth with hers. "Where's Alice?" she asked breaking away for a moment.

I slipped my hands beneath the bottom of her robe and cupped her ass as the kiss deepened again. "Gone," I gasped. "All day."

"Mmm, good," she murmured, slipping her robe off and letting it fall to the floor.

I groaned in appreciation. I couldn't get enough of Bella. If I had a choice, I would simply make love to Bella every day from sunrise to sunset. After we were both sated from our lovemaking, we just lied together quietly in post coital bliss until she finally stirred. "I have to go to work," she murmured.

"No," I argued playfully, wrapping my arm tighter around her. "Stay here with me."

"I'll just be in the garage," she laughed, wrestling away from my grip. Her home office was set up in our garage so she could get some privacy and quiet when Alice and I were home. "What's on your agenda today?" she asked me as she slipped on a pair of jeans.

"Oh, I have big plans," I said very seriously. "I'm going to power wash the house and mow the lawn."

"Ooh, fun," she laughed, rolling her eyes. "I wish I could join you, but I'm already behind as it is."

I kissed her again before she left the bedroom. "I'm glad you're feeling better," I said sincerely.

"Thanks," she said, flashing me her beautiful smile, before she disappeared and left me to my own devices.

The morning hours passed quickly as I worked on the house. I finished a little before lunch, and as I contemplated what I would do for the rest of the day, I heard a short whoop of a siren. I looked up to see my father-in-law's cruiser in front of my house, and he was signaling my attention.

"Hey son," he greeted, as I reached out to shake his hand. "How's my girl feeling?"

I fought a smile as I thought about just how well Bella was feeling this morning. "She's good, sir. She's back to work. She's just in the garage if you want to say hi."

"I'll do that," he said. "I uh, brought you guys something." He opened up the back door of the cruiser, and I was startled when a massive dog jumped out of the back seat. Charlie held the leash firmly as I looked it over.

"Who's this?"

"We found her up near the Rez. I checked in with the shelter and nobody's reported her missing. Figured with Alice leaving in a couple months, your house might feel empty."

"She's beautiful," I agreed, reaching out to stroke the dog's head. "And big. What kind is she?"

"A Saint Bernard mix, I think. If you take her up to the vet they can probably tell you how old she is, but she seems to be in good health. She's got a good temperament too. Bella will probably love her."

I smiled as I imagined the joy in Bella's face when Charlie presented her with the dog. I really hoped that she would like it, because I think I fell in love the moment I looked into the dog's eyes.

Just then the front door opened and Bella stepped out into the rare sunny day. She squinted her eyes a little as she looked down the path at us, and her face lit up in a smile. "Hey, Daddy!" she called. "What've you got there?"

"Your new roommate if you'll have her," Charlie said, offering Bella the leash. She took it gratefully and bent down to pet the dog.

"Really?" she exclaimed. "She's so pretty."

I laughed when the dog's gigantic tongue popped out and licked her face. The dog probably weighed more than Bella did, and the two of them together were quite a sight.

"Really, kid. She's all yours. She just needs a name."

"Athena," Bella said immediately. I raised my eyebrows in surprise of the quick decision.

"I always thought that if I ever got a dog I would name her Athena. She's the goddess of wisdom," she explained proudly. Patting the dog on the head, she said, "And you look like a real smart girl, don't you?"

It warmed my heart to see Bella so excited. My poor wife had been through so much pain and suffering throughout her life, I wanted nothing more than to make her happy every day. I knew Charlie wanted the same for her too. I couldn't help but notice the satisfied smile on his face as he took in Bella's jubilant expression.

While Bella had made a lot of progress over the last few years with adjusting to and finally living her life, she still suffered from a severe anxiety disorder, which was so severe at times she needed to be medicated. She had problems going out in crowds, worried about things that other people wouldn't necessarily be worried about, and every now and then had panic attacks for seemingly no reason. Her symptoms were much better, almost nonexistent, but every now and then I caught of hint of a deep sadness in her eyes that I just wanted to take away.

Charlie joined us for lunch and we laughed and played with Athena. It was still fairly early in the day, so I called the local vet to see if they could squeeze us in for an appointment. Bella was dying to come with us, saying she'd finish up her work later, and together we made our way to the vet.

I laughed as Bella tried to drag the dog out of the car towards the vet. Bella was pulling with all her might on the leash, but Athena was stubbornly holding her ground. I eventually made Bella let me take over, afraid that she would hurt herself if she kept trying to force the dog. For whatever the reason, Athena did not want to go inside the office.

After a quick checkup, the vet agreed with Charlie that the dog was probably a Saint Bernard mutt, and made a best guess that she was between two and three years old. She weighed one hundred and sixty five pounds, which made Bella's jaw drop comically.

After the appointment I dropped Bella at home and went to get the essentials to take care of the Athena. Priority one would be to give her a bath. She resisted, but I eventually got her cleaned in the backyard with a hose and some brute strength.

When Bella finally emerged from the office, we sat on the floor and played with Athena until it was time for bed. Bella and I always agreed that having children probably wasn't-or at least shouldn't be- in the cards for us. While Bella was better in regards to her anxiety and emotional state, I worried that the hormones of pregnancy would cause her to relapse. Bella was more worried about passing on her mother's genes to any children we might have. Renee, Bella's mother, was still an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital about two hours from our home. Bella never went to visit her and never wanted to.

Bella and I had talked about adoption and fostering children, but with Alice around we never took the steps necessary. With Alice leaving soon for college though, Athena seemed to be exactly the thing we needed to fill the coming void in our household, at least for now.

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><p>Okay, I'm biting my nails wondering what you are all thinking right now. Please review and let me know! Thanks!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- July**

***4 Weeks Later***

"Just leave me alone, Jasper!" Alice's shrill voice rang out, disturbing my otherwise peaceful afternoon. Athena raised her head at the commotion, let out a deep bark and ran after Alice.

Jasper called out after her in his southern drawl, "Alice, darlin' if you would just talk to me…"

"Shut up!" she shrieked, and I heard her bedroom door slam. I jumped to my feet and jogged over to the source of commotion. I found Jasper sitting outside Alice's door, head in his hands. It was certainly a position I had been in a time or two in my life.

"What happened?" I asked him, motioning to the closed door.

"I don't know. She's been acting all crazy all week about the wedding. Mama took her out dress shopping in Port Angeles with some of her girlfriends and she came back in tears. I tried to find out what was wrong, but she just started yelling at me and ran home. She wouldn't even let me drive her. I followed her in my car screaming at her to get in, and she just ignored me."

I admired his dedication, knowing a lot of guys would not have the patience for one of Alice's temper tantrums. She had quite a number of them lately, especially with the wedding drawing nearer and nearer, but I hadn't actually seen one quite this bad.

The sound from behind Alice's door sounded like a cat being tortured as she sobbed and

screamed. Jasper and I looked at each other helplessly.

"Did your mom say anything about why she's acting like this?" I asked finally, utterly lost as to how to fix this.

"I didn't ask. I was too busy chasing after her."

Just then, like the angel of perfect timing, Bella strolled out of her office, looking content, and completely oblivious to what had just transpired. "Hey, Jasper!" she said cheerily. Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks. "Oh, God, what happened now?" she asked with a heavy sigh.

Yes, even Bella, as patient as she was, was getting tired of the Bridezilla act. We both knew it needed to end, and soon, before we all went insane.

"I don't fucking know," Jasper muttered, shaking his head.

Bella sighed and knocked hard on Alice's door without commenting on Jasper's language. "Alice, it's Bella. Open the door, please."

The sobbing quieted for a minute. "Is Jasper still out there?"

"No," Bella called back, motioning Jasper and me to go to the living room. We left obediently. "It's just me."

I heard the Alice's door open and close quickly. I retreated to the living room with Jasper following me like a scared puppy. Knowing he was driving, I handed him a coke from the fridge and got myself a beer.

"I really don't know what I did," Jasper muttered. "I wasn't even with her today."

"You probably didn't do anything," I answered. "Alice is just… Alice. Probably nothing's going to change that. If you're planning on marrying her, you better get used to it now," I said seriously, looking at him dead in the eye. She was annoying, and often irrational, but she was still my little sister. I wanted to make sure Jasper was in this relationship one hundred percent- I wouldn't tolerate any less than that.

Immediately sensing where the conversation was headed, he answered, "I love her. Good and bad, sickness and health, you know? I just wish I could understand why she acts like this sometimes."

"You probably never will," I said honestly. I knew that fact well. Bella had a lot of little quirks. Most of them could be explained by medical science and were corrected with medication, but sometimes she acted just plain… irrationally.

"I mean, I'm in this man, for good. But dammit this shit is getting old. Do you think she'll calm down after the wedding?"

"One can only hope," I muttered, taking a pull of my beer, and relaxing back on the couch. I was especially grateful that Bella was around today, because I'm honestly clueless when it comes to dealing with Alice's shit sometimes.

Jasper and I watched SportsCenter quietly, waiting for word from Alice or Bella from the bedroom. Finally Bella emerged, looking a little solemn, and said, "She's okay."

Jasper breathed a sigh of relief and got to his feet. "Can I go talk to her? What the hell did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything, and no you shouldn't talk to her now. Go on home, I'll make sure she calls you later."

Jasper looked confused and frustrated. "Why can't I talk to her?"

"Just trust me when I say it's better. She just needs some time. She just had a really bad day, but we're going to go fix it now."

Jasper continued to argue with her, but Bella stood her ground. Jasper reluctantly left after a few minutes, and I gave Bella a questioning gaze.

"She had a bad day dress shopping," Bella explained. "Apparently she has had her eye on a certain type of dress for her wedding since she was a little girl. So she put it on today and looked in the mirror, and the back was low cut and she could see all her scars in the mirror. Darcy told her that she still looked beautiful, but Alice got really emotional and ran out of the store."

I sighed. "So what did Jasper do wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing. She was too busy feeling sorry for herself to consider his feelings and didn't want to talk about it with him. She wanted some time alone," Bella explained, though I could see in her eyes she was almost as perplexed as I was with Alice's behavior.

"So what do we do now?" I asked.

Bella smiled slightly. "_We_ do nothing, but I'm getting her ass back in the car and we're going back to try on the dress again. Can I borrow the Volvo? I don't know if my truck will actually make it to Port Angeles this time."

I gave her a pointed stare. I had been trying unsuccessfully for the last four years to convince her to buy a new car. The thought of her driving around in her ancient rusted heap of a Chevy made me queasy. I knew the truck had sentimental value to her because her father had gotten it for her when she returned to Forks, but even Charlie was trying to get her to get rid of it. He knew as well as I did that her truck was just plain unsafe.

I tossed her the keys to my car and she caught them. She leaned over and kissed me in thanks, and patted Athena on the head. "Come on, Alice!" she called. Alice emerged from the bedroom, looking straight down at the floor with her arms wrapped around herself protectively. She didn't even look my way as she ran out of the house.

I knew better than to worry that Alice was sinking back into the depressive state she was in when our parents died. Every now and then Alice got excessively moody, but it never lasted more than a day. I knew that tomorrow, or even later tonight, she would be back to her old self. If she didn't, then I would start worry. For now, I was just frustrated, and feeling a little sorry for Bella. "Good luck with that," I muttered, nodding towards the door.

Bella bit her bottom lip anxiously. "I think I'll need it."

I would have taken Bella's place if I could, and taken Alice to Port Angeles herself, but this definitely didn't seem like something she'd want her brother around for.

I took Athena for a walk around the neighborhood. She had become quite the hit with all the local kids in the neighborhood, and they all stopped to say hello while she sucked up the attention. I think we definitely hit the dog lottery with this one. She was a gentle, protective soul, well-behaved, and good with people. We couldn't really ask for anything more in a pet.

When I got back, Athena put her head in my lap again, and we watched the last couple innings of a Mariner's game. I actually watched Athena more than the game, amazed at how she stared fixedly on the screen, her eyes following the movements as if she could actually understand what was going on.

I pretended not to look too anxious when I finally heard the front door opening, signaling that Bella and Alice were home.

Bella looked incredibly tired and pale, as she often did when she returned from any kind of shopping adventure. Alice was beaming though, holding a large white garment bag proudly. "I got my dress," she squealed.

"Awesome. Can I see it?"

She unzipped the bag with a flourish and Bella helped her hold it up. It was definitely one hundred percent Alice, covered in beads and lace. The top was tight and sleeveless, but the skirt puffed out at the waist. I had to fight from scowling when Bella helped her roll out the train, which practically took up all the free space in the living room.

Frankly I thought the dress was ugly as sin, but I was glad she was happy with it.

When Alice left to put the dress in her room, Bella flopped down next to me on the couch, Athena taking up the space between us.

"Okay," she said. "I know that dress looks like a disaster on the hanger, but when Alice tried it on, it was perfect. It just doesn't look like much by itself." She flipped through her cell phone and found a picture of Alice in the dress at the shop. "See?"

I glanced at the picture. Bella was right, the dress definitely looked better while it was on, but really I didn't care much about how it looked, as long as Alice was happy. "So she's okay?" I asked.

"Much better. We had a long talk on the way to Port Angeles. I assured her that once she put on the dress people would be looking at her, not her scars, and that she looked beautiful either way. Then I reminded her that Jasper has seen all her scars and he doesn't care, so why should she. He's what matters."

"He better not have seen all of her scars," I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest uncomfortably. I knew damn well from sitting with Alice in a hospital room for more than a month that there were a few burns in places Jasper had no business seeing.

"Oh grow up," Bella said with a roll of her eyes.

Trying desperately to change the subject and not picture Jasper and Alice in any kind of compromising position- and I would remain in denial until the day I died- I asked, "So is she going to call Jasper now? He was pretty upset."

"We talked about that on the drive back. In fact, she better be getting ready to get her butt over there and apologize to him in person. She told me she feels awful, and I told her that she probably should. That was just plain unacceptable the way she treated him."

I nodded in agreement.

"I think I'm going to go lie down and read for a while, if you don't mind," she said, rising to her feet. Athena jumped up when she did and nuzzled her head into Bella's stomach and whimpered. She always seemed to have a sense for when someone wasn't feeling well. I noticed Bella still looked very pale.

"Sure, baby. You look kind of tired. Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I've just been feeling kind of… off lately. I don't know what it is. I'm just really tired."

I frowned at her. "Maybe you've been working too hard?" I knew her boss had recently given Bella more responsibility, but she never had a problem keeping up with her workload before.

"Hmm, maybe," she said, unsure. "I'll be okay, though. I just need to get some sleep."

I kissed her goodnight, promising to join her soon. Alice came out then and said goodnight to Bella.

"Hey, Edward, can I ask you something?" she asked once we were alone, sitting in the armchair across from me.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Do you think mom and dad would be happy for me?"

I widened my eyes in surprise and concern when I noticed her big blue eyes starting to brim with tears. "Of course they would," I assured her. "Jasper is a great guy."

"You don't think I'm making a mistake?"

I knew the conversation was quickly turning heavy, and I would have to tread carefully. "Why would I think that?"

"Well, you were so against it in the beginning. I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I'd like to think that Mom and Dad would be proud, you know?"

"They would have loved Jasper. All they ever wanted was for you to be happy, and when you're with Jasper you're happy. He's a good guy, Alice. He's smart, he's good-mannered, and he treats you like a princess."

"I was such a bitch to him today," she lamented.

"No doubt about that," I said. "But he'll forgive you. He was just worried about you. You should go over and talk to him."

"I will. Thanks Edward… for you know… everything," she said, sniffling as the tears started to fall. "I don't think I ever said that, you know? I know I haven't been the easiest person to deal with, and I know you gave up everything when…"

I shushed her and pulled her into my arms as she cried. "I've never regretted anything," I said firmly, trying to make sure she understood. "Not one day have I ever regretted coming back here for you. Please don't cry," I begged.

"I just miss them so much," she cried. "I wish they could be here."

"I know sweetheart," I said softly, continuing to hold her as she cried. There was nothing I could say to bring them back, to make this better. I just let her get it out. As her crying started to subside, I released her and said firmly, "You need to go see Jasper."

"I know," she said, sniffling. "I hope he's not too pissed."

"He won't be," I assured her. Suddenly, there was an insistent pounding on the front door, causing Athena to bark wildly from the bedroom. I cringed knowing that it would wake Bella if she was already asleep and ran to answer the front door. Unsurprisingly, it was Jasper, looking absolutely haggard.

"I couldn't wait anymore," he said in explanation, before I even opened my mouth to greet him.

"She's here," I said, motioning him inside. "Just go out back if you want to talk, Bella's asleep."

"Thanks, man," he said gratefully, and went to the living room to find Alice.

I turned and went to the bedroom, to find Bella still fast asleep and snoring softly. She was usually a very light sleeper, so I reasoned she must have been exhausted to sleep through all that commotion. Athena was lying dutifully on her side of the bed. I undressed down to my boxers and slipped in behind Bella, pulling her into my arms, but she didn't stir. I hoped that she wasn't getting sick again. I kissed her behind her ear and whispered "I love you," before falling into a deep sleep.

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

Okay, I know this chapter was a little fluffy. Next chapter will be Alice's wedding and we catch up with the epilogue of Impending Doom. Then the drama starts! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three- Week 8**

"Edward? Bella?" A sweet, quiet voice whispered.

I groaned as I rolled away from the sound of my sister's voice. Opening one eye carefully, I eyed the alarm clock in the hotel room and saw it read only seven thirty. I shut my eyes tightly and ignored the little voice.

"Come on guys, you have to wake up. We have a lot to do."

The voice continued to drone on as I tried to fall back asleep. Bella didn't even stir beside me.

Finally, when I felt a tiny hand shaking my shoulder, I rolled back over and glared at Alice.

"How did you get in here?" I asked, irritated and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Bella left her keycard in the other room," Alice said innocently. "I knocked, but you didn't answer."

"That's because it's too fucking early, Alice," I groaned.

"But we have to go check out the hall, and get my hair done, and check the decorations at the church, and wait for the cake…"

"One hour, Alice. Please give us one hour."

"Fine," she huffed. I heard her footsteps padding away.

"What the hell?" Bella muttered beside me. I chuckled when I realized she was probably awake the whole time.

"Why did we agree to share a suite with her again?" I asked, wrapping my arm tightly around my wife.

"Because her sharing with Jasper would break tradition and blah, blah, blah," She murmured sleepily, and I could hear her breaths even out once again. It didn't take me long to fall asleep again, curled up behind her.

It felt like only seconds before Alice returned. After looking at the clock and affirming that it was in fact, eight thirty, I sat up and groaned. I had gone out with Charlie and Emmett the night before and drank fairly heavily, while Bella, Alice and Alice's bridesmaids did their girly thing. Bella even argued that she would rather come drinking with us, even though she never drank. Alice convinced her she'd have a good time.

"I'm going to take a shower," I told Alice. Once Alice left, Bella sat up beside me. "Morning," I murmured, and kissed her gently on the mouth. She cringed a little. Even after four years of marriage, she still had a thing about morning breath.

"Good morning to you," she said, rising to her feet.

I got out of bed and we went about our morning routine. Mid-shower, I heard the sound of gagging and wretching. Startled, I quickly turned off the water and jumped out of the shower, my hair still soapy, to find Bella curled around the toilet, breathing hard. From the looks of her, one would have thought she'd been the one out drinking the night before.

Not even bothering to dry myself, I knelt down next to her and pulled her hair back in case she needed to throw up again.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked gently, as she panted heavily.

"I don't know. I just felt sick all of a sudden. Maybe it's sympathy nerves for Alice, I don't know."

"You all done?" I asked.

"I think so," she said after contemplating for a moment. I grabbed a washcloth from the sink and wiped her face gently with some cool water.

"Thanks," she said. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's not like I've never seen you throw up before." Over the years, Bella often threw up when she was anxious about something, so I tried not to be too concerned.

Bella brushed her teeth while I finished my shower, and she jumped in after me. When we were both showered and dressed, Bella was looking a lot better, the color back in her face.

We went out to the little living space that connected the two bedrooms in the suite. Alice had ordered room service. Bella ate light, as to not get nauseous again.

The morning was a flurry of activity. Bella and I drove Alice absolutely everywhere to pick up and check and double check things for the wedding. While Bella and Alice were getting their hair and nails done, I went to intercept the cake back at the hotel ballroom. Finally, a little after two o'clock we were almost done. The wedding was at four.

Bella and Alice were getting dressed in Alice's room when I heard Alice's shrill voice yell out, "Edward!" in a panic.

I rushed to the room, my first thought being that Bella might have been sick again, but I relaxed when I came to find Alice fully dressed, and Bella sitting on the bed, rolling her eyes behind her.

"It's an emergency!" Alice said.

"Good lord, what now, Alice?"

"We forgot bobby pins!"

"What the fuck is a bobby pin?"

"To hold the veil on! I'm going to be walking down the aisle and my veil is going to fall off and it will be awful!"

"Oh-kay?"

"So can you go get some? Please!"

I was only a little ashamed to admit that I was totally whipped by my wife and sister. Reluctantly, after learning what a bobby pin actually was, I ran to the drugstore to get some for her.

When I returned a half hour later, I found Bella and Alice talking quietly on the bed. They both looked a little guilty, like they were hiding something, but I chose to ignore it, and went into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

About a half hour before the ceremony, we got a call that the limo had arrived. We hurriedly made our way to the lobby where Alice's five bridesmaids were waiting. Alice had offered Bella ride in the limo with her, but she chose to ride with me instead. There was only so much girly giggling that Bella could take in one day.

Once we arrived at the church, I whispered to Bella how beautiful she looked before reluctantly handing her off to one of Jasper's groomsmen to escort her down the aisle to her seat. She looked absolutely stunning in a midnight blue silk gown, and her hair was pulled up, exposing her delicate neck and shoulders.

Now we waited. I hung back in a little room with Alice and her bridesmaids, waiting to walk my sister down the aisle. The only other male in the room was Alice's ring bearer, who was one of Jasper's cousins. He was about five years old, sitting in a corner, looking positively bored. I chuckled at him, and we both shared a knowing look.

_I feel you man, _I thought, as I tried to drown out the sound of giggling women around me. I noticed another little girl in the corner, another of Jasper's cousins who was the flower girl. She was sitting in a corner away from the action and looking a little sad. I made my way over to her and knelt down in front of her.

"Hey, sweetie. What's your name?" I remembered seeing her at the rehearsal yesterday, but we were never actually introduced.

"Rosemary," she said timidly, looking down at her basket of flowers.

"Hi, Rosemary. I'm Edward. What's wrong?"

"I'm scared."

"Why are you scared?"

"Awice said that my job was weally important and I don't wanna mess up," she said sadly. I found her inability to pronounce the letter "r" a little endearing.

"Sweetheart, you're not going to mess up. I promise that you'll go down the aisle and throw your flowers, and everyone will love you and tell you what a good job you did."

"Reawwy?" she asked, looking up at me with big blue eyes.

"Really," I promised.

"Okay," she said. She put her little arms around me, and I stayed with her until it was time to start. "You're going to do great," I promised her, as she took her place and made her way down the aisle, just before Alice and me.

Rosemary made it with no problem and when she took her place at the front of the church, she gave me a heartwarming smile. Now it was our turn, and I fought hard to keep my voice steady as I looked at my little sister and asked, "Are you ready?"

When we reached the front, the pastor asked, "Who gives this woman to be married."

"I do," I answered with heavy emotion. "And on behalf of our parents as well."

The ceremony was beautiful. Bella held my hand the entire time. I managed to man up and not cry, but Bella had emotional tears streaming down her face by the end of the ceremony.

We made our way back to the hotel where the reception was being held. Alice wanted us to form a receiving line there before the cocktail hour, and I stood between Alice and Bella as we welcomed Jasper's extraordinarily large family. I couldn't believe they had all made it to Seattle, and judging from the number of bolo ties I saw on the men, most of them were definitely not local.

I noticed Bella fidgeting a lot as the line progressed, and I knew that we were certainly pushing the boundaries of her emotional comfort. By the end of the line, I was really proud of her holding it together.

As cocktail hour progressed, we took dozens of pictures of Alice and the wedding party. Bella continued to look a little green as we continued through the afternoon, but once we sat down to welcome the wedding party into the reception hall, she seemed to relax a little- until dinner came at least.

After taking one bite of her meal, Bella rose quickly and said, "I need to use the ladies' room."

"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned. I stood up when she did. "You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'll be back in a minute," she said hurriedly, and scurried away from me.

I sat back down and looked at her plate. Everything seemed to be okay with it, and the fish she ordered was cooked through. I shrugged and went on with my meal, making small talk with those around me. We were seated with Bella's family, as Alice had promised, and Billy and Jake from the reservation.

I realized a few minutes had passed, when a very drunk Rosalie flopped down into her chair next to Emmett and took a swig of her drink. "I love open bars," she said happily.

"Okay, drunkie," Emmett said, removing the cup from her hands with a laugh. "Let's take a break. We still have like four more hours of reception left."

Hoping it wasn't a pointless effort to ask, I asked Rosalie if she had seen Bella.

"Yeah, she was going to the bathroom, said she was sick," she explained, her mouth full of bread.

Sue frowned at me from across the table. "Do you want me to check on her Edward?"

"Please?" I asked. Sue was Charlie's girlfriend. She was thirty-four years old, a lot closer to my age than Charlie's, but the two of them were very much in love. Bella and I were both surprised they hadn't tied the knot yet.

Sue rose to go to the ladies room, and I followed. I hung outside the door while Sue went in.

It was less than a minute before I heard a frantic shout from Sue. "Edward!" she called in a panic.

I didn't have to think twice before I barged into the restroom. I saw Sue leaning over a form on the floor of one of the stalls, and I knew immediately it was Bella. Sue moved aside while I knelt down next to her.

"Should I call 911?" she asked in a panic.

I glanced over Bella quickly, and noticed that her breathing was even and she didn't appear to be injured. "Not yet," I answered. "I think she just fainted."

I was scared shitless for her, but I tried to keep my calm. Since we've been married, Bella had fainted three separate times. The first time I brought her straight to the Emergency Room, and she woke up on the way in a panic and told me she was fine. I didn't believe her and kept going, and we ended up fighting about her.

With Bella's anxiety, it wasn't unheard of for her to pass out when she got really anxious. With the medication she took, it was much less frequent than it could have been. The other two times she passed out, I let her be- although reluctantly- and she always woke after a minute or two.

I dragged her as carefully as I could out of the stall to give her more room to breathe. I scanned my surroundings quickly and noticed a couch by the doorway. Only stopping for a second to wonder why the hell there was a couch in the bathroom, I picked her up and laid her gently on it. As I did, her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Hey, baby," I said gently, cupping her face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm going to grab Charlie and tell him what's going on," Sue said, rushing out of the bathroom.

"I think so," Bella answered me. "What happened?"

"I don't know. Sue found you on the floor in one of the stalls. Did you have a panic attack?"

"Probably," she muttered, flushing a light shade of red. She was always embarrassed when she had a panic attack, especially when it caused her to faint.

"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked gently.

Bella closed her eyes for a second in concentration, and then suddenly her eyes shot open, wide and unfocused. "Oh God," she muttered under her breath.

"What?" I asked, bordering on panic. "What happened?"

"I… I don't remember," she said, looking away from me. I could tell that she was lying. It was plainly evident in her expression, and she was a terrible liar. I could only hope that she was only delaying the truth because we were at Alice's wedding, and that she would talk to me later. I pretended to not notice her blatant lie.

"Do you need to go back to the room?"

"Yes… no. I don't know. Maybe?" she said indecisively.

I frowned at her. "I think you should," I said honestly. Bella had clearly had enough of the excitement, and something was deeply troubling her. "Give me a minute to say goodbye to Alice and Jasper, and I'll take you up, okay?"

"No!" Bella exclaimed, and I could see her anxiety start to build again. "This is your sister's wedding; you aren't missing it."

"The important part is over," I argued. "This is just the reception."

"She told me how much she was looking forward to dancing with you. I'll be fine! You have to go dance with her. You can't miss this."

"Sue and I will take her up," I heard Charlie say behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder. "You don't want to miss your sister's wedding Edward."

I was absolutely torn. I knew my sister would only have one wedding- hopefully- and she would be very upset if I missed it. Alice would probably never forgive me if I missed the father-daughter dance. She had asked me to stand in for my father. At the same time, I was very worried about Bella. I wouldn't be able to relax until I was sure she was safe and okay. I finally relented when Charlie knelt down next to her and started talking quietly to her, and I knew she was in good hands.

Sue dipped into the bathroom stall where Bella was found and emerged a minute later with Bella's purse, and a strange expression on her face. It was strange mixture between awe and anxiety. Suddenly it felt like everyone in the room was in on some big secret that I wasn't part of, and I didn't like it one bit.

I gave Bella a kiss. It was fairly chaste as we were in a bathroom with her father and his girlfriend, but it was lingering. I didn't want to let her go. I whispered to her how much I loved her and that I would be with her as soon as I could.

The more the night progressed, the more it bothered me that I knew Bella was hiding something from me. Something upset her so much that she passed out, and whatever the reason was, she was hiding it from me. I spent the evening mostly alone and brooding.

Alice kept asking me if I was okay, but I evaded her question. I told her that Bella was sick and I was worried. It wasn't entirely a lie.

When the deejay announced that it was time for the father-daughter/ mother-son dance, I was relieved, knowing that the night was almost over and I would be able to get back to Bella. I was glad I stuck around for this part though. Alice looked beautiful, and I could see the raw emotion in her face, and how happy she was that I was there to take our father's place.

After the dance, the couple cut their cake. As soon as Alice was finished shoving cake in Jasper's ear, I decided it was time to say my goodbye. I needed to know what was wrong with my angel.

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><p><em>To be continued…<em>


	4. Chapter 4

A/N- Hello awesome readers. I just want to clarify something before we start this chapter. I didn't intend to make it seem like Bella was purposely trying to hide her pregnancy from Edward- she wasn't. She just knew it wasn't the right place or time to make that kind of announcement. She only just found out herself, so she's not really leaving Edward in the dark. In fact, she's going to tell him right now ;)

Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews!

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><p><strong>Chapter 4- "Week 8 Part 2"<strong>

As soon as the cake cutting ceremony was over, I pulled Alice aside to a more quiet corner. She frowned at me as I explained my predicament to her.

"She passed out?" she said, her eyes widening in concern. "That's why she left?"

"Yeah. I'm really sorry that I have to leave early," I said. The sad look on Alice's face was making my heart hurt. "But everything was beautiful, you're beautiful, and I love you so much. Will you call me when you guys get to Bermuda?"

"Of course," she said, wrapping her little arms around me. "I'll call tomorrow morning actually, to check on Bella."

"Sounds good," I said, kissing the crown of her head. Her veil, along with her shoes had long come off, barely a half-hour into the party. Jasper approached us then, and I shook his hand. He promised me that he would take care of my sister and I had no doubt about his sincerity.

On the way to the exit, I was stopped several times by guests gushing about how beautiful the ceremony was. Most of them were inebriated, and I was becoming increasingly frustrated trying to excuse myself politely and being ignored.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally made it to the elevator lobby. The ride up to our suite felt like it took hours, the elevator stopping on every floor as people came in and out. I tapped my fingers on the elevator wall impatiently as I waited.

Finally the elevator came to a stop on our floor, and with quickened steps I made it down the hall to our suite. When I pushed the door in, I found Charlie and Sue sitting curled up on the sofa of the main room watching a movie. Charlie turned off the television instantly when he saw me.

"Hey Edward. She's in your room. She's feeling a little better, but wanted to sleep for a while. She told me to have you wake her up when you got back."

"Thanks, Charlie," I said. "I appreciate you guys staying with her."

Charlie chuckled. "She's my daughter, Edward. It's not like you had to beg me. I would do anything for you guys; you know that. Besides, we're not really wedding people. It was a good excuse to get out of there," Charlie must have noticed my anxious fidgeting, because he got to his feet and pulled Sue up with him. "We'll just give you guys some privacy. Have a good night."

"Did you want to stay and watch the movie?" I asked. I really didn't want them to stay, but I felt like it was polite to offer.

"Nah, it's just on cable. We'll finish it in our room."

Before they left, I promised I would call them in the morning and let them know if Bella was up for breakfast.

I padded over to our room quietly, not wanting to startle her awake if she was sleeping. I was a little surprised and worried, to find that she wasn't sleeping, though. She was lying in a tight little ball in the middle of the bed, the bedside lamps both on.

"Hey, baby," I said softly, sitting down next to her. She had changed into pajamas and washed her face. Her cheeks were still stained with fresh tears though, her eyes bloodshot and red rimmed. "Have you been crying?" I asked, and kissed her cheek gently.

"Yes," she sniffled.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes," she answered, but didn't continue.

"Okay… so talk?" I asked helplessly. I needed desperately for her to talk to me, and I knew that her one-word answers would eventually drive me insane.

"I don't want you to be mad," she said so softly I had to really focus to hear her. I couldn't believe that whatever she had to tell me, whatever made her panic, was so bad that she thought I would be mad at her. I couldn't even fathom what could be causing her this much anxiety.

"Why do you think I would be mad?" I asked carefully.

"Because something happened. Something you don't want."

"Just let it out, Bella," I said gently. "You'll feel better when you do."

She sat up suddenly, and I could tell the motion made her dizzy. Her hand flew to her forehead and she closed her eyes tightly. After a minute, I reached a finger under her chin and dipped her head up to look at me, and she opened her eyes slowly. I could see plainly the fear and sadness in her eyes as she tried to look away.

"Bella, please?" I whispered, staring at her intently. "What's going on, baby? I'm so worried about you right now."

"I'm pregnant," she choked out, as her tears started to flow once more. Her words then began to come quickly. "I'm so sorry! I didn't… I didn't mean to. I don't know how it happened." By the time she was finished talking, she was gasping for air, and I worried that she would pass out again.

"Shh, it's okay," I said, pulling her tightly against me as she continued to cry. "I'm not mad. I'm not mad," I murmured over and over until she calmed down. Only after her sobbing subsided did I really take a moment to process.

Pregnant? The news was certainly unexpected, but also not awful. Of course Bella and I decided when we were first married that maybe having children wasn't the best option for us. On the other hand, it wasn't a nightmare either. I always wanted to have children someday, but Bella was and would always be my first priority. My only concern was the emotional turmoil a pregnancy could cause to someone as fragile as Bella was.

I hated to see my wife in any kind of distress, and as we sat together, with me holding her in my arms as she sobbed, I felt utterly helpless. My heart ached for her now, and I couldn't even find the words to say to make her fear and pain go away. I just sat rocking her gently as she spilled her tears out onto my chest.

After a seemingly endless flow of emotion, I heard her sniffle once, and then she pulled back from me a bit. She looked up at me with her terrified brown eyes, and I brushed a few remaining tears from her cheeks.

"Bella, why did you think I would be mad at you, baby? How could you think that?"

"Because you don't want children. You told me that," she said sadly, looking down at her hands.

"Hey," I said, turning her towards me a bit. "I never said that I didn't _want _children. I only said that I worried about the stress a pregnancy would cause you. But this isn't so bad, is it? We'll get through it. I could never be mad at you, Bella, especially not for this."

"I didn't mean to get pregnant," she sniffled.

"Baby, it's not your fault. It takes two to make a baby, remember? Birth control isn't always a hundred percent effective. We both knew that when you started taking it."

She just nodded sadly.

"Look. Maybe this isn't how we planned it, but this is happening whether we're ready or not. It's going to be okay. We just need to keep supporting each other, and it will be okay. I promise." I looked deeply into her eyes to make sure she was understanding what I was saying- that I absolutely wasn't mad, and that we would get through this, together.

"Thank you," she whispered, scooting closer and back into my arms. She buried her face into my shoulder again and I wrapped my arms around her once more.

"Are you absolutely sure you're pregnant?" I asked her.

"Pretty sure," Bella answered. I heard no evidence of doubt in her voice. "I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I'm pretty sure my period is late too, but I'd have to check the calendar at home."

"Okay. Well we'll see if we can get an appointment for you on Monday," I said. I realized I had one more burning question I needed to ask before we turned in for the night. I could tell that Bella was still exhausted. "Bella, how long have you known about this?"

"I just found out during dinner tonight. On the way to the bathroom, I told Rosalie I wasn't feeling well, and she told me I might be pregnant. I'm pretty sure she was just joking, and she was kind of drunk too, but I couldn't relax until I took a test. I didn't expect it to be positive."

"You keep a test in your purse?" I asked confused.

"It's a long story, trust me," Bella said quickly. "But no, I don't routinely carry one."

I decided to let the pregnancy test subject drop. Something in her voice told me that I probably didn't want to know why she had it. "Why don't we go to sleep and then we can talk- really talk- in the morning?" I suggested.

"That sounds good," she said with a small yawn. "I'm exhausted."

I changed out of my suit as quickly as I could and used the bathroom. By the time I was done and crawling into bed, Bella was already asleep. She was snoring softly and laying diagonally across both sides. Without the heart to wake her, I crawled in beside her as best I could, and tried to get comfortable.

Trying to sleep was a wasted effort. My head spun throughout the night with images of Bella a few months from now, round with my child. In every image that forced it's way into my mind, she was glowing and happy, so much like I wished she could be now.

Instead, my angel was terrified, plagued with nightmares, and thrashing in her sleep. I think I heard her say several times throughout the night "Not like you," but I wasn't quite sure that's what I was hearing. Whatever she was saying, she kept repeating it over and over, all throughout the night. It was as if she was having the same nightmare over and over. Each time I heard her mumble the phrase, I would wake her gently and whisper to her that I loved her and she was okay. She fell right back asleep every time.

Bella had nightmares on and off for years. Much of the time, she never remembered what they were about, only that she had them. These dreams she was having were fairly mild in comparison to some others I had witnessed over the years- ones that resulted with her screaming herself awake, and then being too afraid to fall asleep again.

I didn't sleep much at all that night. I just sat and watched her sleep. Occasionally my hand would ghost over her flat abdomen, in absolute amazement that she was growing a baby- our baby. The more I thought of the life inside her, the happier and more hopeful I became. I was excited for the prospect of starting our own family. I just wished Bella could be happy too.

It was a shock for her to discover she was pregnant. She hadn't had a lot of time to process it yet. I hoped that maybe after a day or two she might feel some amount of joy.

I managed to drift off in the early morning hours, only to be awoken by the sound of Bella retching in the bathroom again. Startled by the noise, I jumped to my feet and ran in after her, quickly pulling her hair back for her as she finished. I rubbed her back gently until she got it all out, and finally she relaxed back against me. She was panting and sweaty, and I wished I could take this from her. It wasn't fair to her that she had to go through all the symptoms herself, and I vowed right then that I would do whatever it took to make sure she was as comfortable as possible, even during the worst times.

"I hate throwing up," she muttered, as she rose unsteadily to her feet.

"I know," I murmured. I waited while she rinsed her mouth and brushed her teeth, and then guided her back to bed. "How are you feeling now?" I asked, after we were settled once more.

"Better, I think. I'm actually kind of hungry."

"Charlie wanted to know if we would have breakfast with him and Sue, if you're up for it."

"That's fine," she said. She started chewing on her lower lip, as she often did when she was concerned or thinking too hard about something. "Do you think we should tell them?"

"Maybe we should wait until after we see the doctor?" I suggested. I was pretty sure it was too soon to tell the family. We weren't even positive ourselves, though we had no real reason to doubt it. Between the positive pregnancy test and Bella's morning sickness, there really wasn't much room for doubt.

"I'm kind of worried about telling them anyway. I just… I'm not sure I'm ready for people to know. I haven't even really had time to think about it myself even. It's definitely too early. Please don't say anything?" she begged.

"I promise," I said firmly. "Not a word from me."

We showered and dressed and headed down to the restaurant inside the hotel. It was a nice day, so we sat on the attached patio. Rosalie and Emmett sat down with us a few minutes after we got there. Rosalie looked absolutely awful. Her hair was a mess and she was wearing dark sunglasses and no makeup.

"You look like hell," I said with mock politeness in my voice.

"Eat me," she muttered, flipping me the bird before laying her head down on the table. Emmett laughed loudly next to her, but stopped when Rosalie kicked him under the table and shot her a glare.

Charlie and Sue joined us right after Rosalie and Emmett, and we placed our orders and waited. I couldn't help but notice the uncomfortable silence around the table. I chanced a glance at Sue, who happened to be sitting across from me. She was looking at Bella, as if she were analyzing her, and at that moment I knew that she knew.

_The test. _ I thought. She must have seen it when she went back to get Bella's purse. Looking at Charlie, I knew instantly that she didn't tell him anything, because he was just chatting with Emmett, clearly not seeing that anything was amiss. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew Sue wouldn't say anything, and Bella wouldn't have to share any news until she was comfortable.

Our meals arrive, and Bella only picked at her plate. For as hungry as she claimed to be this morning, she seemed to have lost her appetite. Halfway through our meal, Bella had another round of morning sickness. It hit her so fast that she didn't even make it to the bathroom. She ended up leaning over the bushes near the patio table. I knew that she would feel embarrassed about that. I had followed her to make sure she was okay, and when she finished, she held onto my arm with an iron grip as I walked her back to her seat. Quietly in her ear, I promised her that there was nothing to be ashamed about and that nobody would know why she was throwing up. I could tell she didn't believe me. She was right to be skeptical.

"Umm… sorry about that," a very red Bella said as we sat back down at the table. "I just wasn't feeling well."

"What's wrong, Bella? Pregnant or something?" Emmett asked as he shoved a bite of pancakes into his mouth. He chuckled at his own joke, but nobody else was laughing.

Sue's fork dropped to her plate with a deafening clang. Charlie raised his head up sharply and stared at Bella with wide, almost hopeful eyes. Bella's face paled and she started hyperventilating. Her nervous reaction left no room for doubt around the table that she was, in fact, pregnant.

I guess the cat was out of the bag.

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><p>AN What are you thinking so far? Love it? Hate it? Please review and let me know! Next chapter should be out mid-week sometime.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5-** **Sunday**

I shot Emmett an angry glare as I pulled Bella closer to me. "Just breathe, baby. It's okay," I said gently.

"What, what'd I say?" Emmett asked, looking completely bewildered. After a moment, I could see his eyes light up in understanding and he said, "Oh shit, you _are?_ So why are you freaking out?" he asked desperately, taking in the state of his older sister.

"Maybe because she didn't want people to know yet, douchebag," Rosalie muttered. She still wore her dark glasses, clearly hung over with her head on the table.

I only barely noticed the reactions of those around the table as I focused on getting Bella to breathe normally. The last thing I wanted was for her to faint again. When her breathing finally slowed and she appeared somewhat calmer, she still didn't make eye contact with anyone, as if she were ashamed.

I didn't really understand her reaction. I knew that she didn't want people to know quite yet, especially because we hadn't even had a doctor confirm it. When I looked at her, I saw shame and fear in her eyes. I knew I would need to ask her about it when we were in private.

A pregnancy was certainly something that neither of us had planned for. I knew it would be difficult for her in more ways than one, but nothing we couldn't get through together. I didn't understand the shame she displayed so clearly on her face. We were married; we had been for four years. We were both financially secure and had good jobs.

Bella was acting like a teenager that got knocked up by her boyfriend and was forced to tell her father.

Bella's father was definitely in the running for world's nicest man. One would think that with him being the chief of police in Forks, he'd be kind of an asshole, but his heart is too big for that. He was never one to get off on a power trip from the authority the badge carries. Before Bella even came back into his life, he took me under his wing after my parents died. He visited Alice and me in the hospital every day while Alice recovered, and he helped me with all the legal stuff and with buying a more affordable house. When Bella returned to Forks, he was caring and patient with her, especially in the beginning. She was a certifiable mess then, afraid of her own shadow. He helped her become human again.

Clearly he didn't have the reaction of an angry dad, so I couldn't comprehend why Bella was looking once more like the beaten and abused girl she was a few years ago, than the stronger well-rounded woman she was today.

"Is that true, honey?" Charlie asked, his voice full of wonder and awe. Clearly this news made him very happy. Rosalie and Emmett's daughter, Emma, already made him a grandfather, but he had mentioned in passing that he would love to have more. He never put any pressure on us though; he wasn't the type.

When Bella didn't answer Charlie's question, I did. "We think so," I admitted. "But we just found out yesterday, so we didn't want to say anything yet," I said with a pointed stare at Emmett.

"I want to go home," Bella said quietly, still not looking up. Charlie continued to stare at her, his eyes now laced with concern.

"Are you okay, honey?"

"Yeah. I just feel sick though."

I reached into my back pocket to pull out my wallet, but Charlie reached out a hand and stopped me. "Don't worry," he smirked. "It's on Emmett."

I couldn't help but chuckle a little, and I said to Emmett, "Thanks, man."

Emmett just sat there looking around the table dumbly. I helped Bella to her feet, and Charlie and Sue rose when we did. Charlie wrapped his arms around Bella and whispered something in her ear I couldn't make out. Bella just nodded sadly, hugged Sue briefly, and walked out of the restaurant. I hurried after her.

"I've got to get the bags and check out. Do you want to wait in the car?" I asked.

"Yeah, I just need some air." I kissed her forehead and ran to the elevator as Bella made her way outside.

I managed to gather our belongings and check out quickly. When I got back downstairs, Bella was already in the car, her head resting on the passenger window. The ride back was tense, to say the least. Bella was mostly silent. I tried to ask her about her reaction at the restaurant, but she said that she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't say much of anything at all.

Thankfully, she wasn't sick again on the ride home, just quiet and pensive. The only time I saw any real emotion on her face was when we went to the kennel to pick up Athena. Her eyes lit up like Christmas morning as the two were reunited after a two-day separation. Bella practically ran to the counter to ask them to get her girl, and when the woman brought her out, Bella was on her knees in an instant with her small arms around the dog's giant neck. Athena wagged her tail happily, just as excited to see Bella.

When we dropped Athena off at the kennel two days earlier, I had to practically pry Bella's hands off the leash to get her to let go. Bella was very against leaving her there, but I had to convince her to do so. Everyone we knew who we would trust enough to dog sit was at the wedding, so there just wasn't another option.

When we got home, Bella went straight to our room to unpack without a word. Athena hung back and eyed me suspiciously, as if she was wondering if I was the reason for Bella's bad mood. I just shrugged at her and she whimpered, running after Bella towards the bedroom. I tried to help Bella unpack, but she shrugged me off. Defeated, I went to sit in the living room with my head in my hands.

Alice called about an hour after we were home. I answered quickly, grateful for the reprieve from the silence in the house.

"Hey, sis," I answered. "I thought you'd be on the plane by now."

"We're still at the airport because our flight was delayed, but they said it shouldn't be too much longer. How's Bella?"

"She's… okay," I answered slowly.

"That doesn't sound good."

"No, she's fine." I knew Bella wouldn't want me to tell Alice about the pregnancy yet, just as she didn't want me to tell her family. "She's still not feeling well though."

"I can tell when you're lying, but I'm going to let it go," she said. "You promise to call if anything bad happens, right?"

"Of course, but nothing bad is going to happen," I assured her. "She's just under the weather. She'll sleep it off another day and she'll be fine." I wasn't really sure what else to say to her without revealing Bella's secret.

"I just have a bad feeling, I guess," Alice said. I then heard Jasper's voice yelling to her that their plane was boarding, and suddenly I had trouble hearing her over the airport commotion on her end.

"Shit, I have to go. I'll call you when we land. Just… take care of her, okay?" she asked, her voice pleading.

"Of course I will. I love you, and have fun."

As I pressed the "end" button, I felt uneasy. I didn't like Alice's tone. She had a bad feeling? What the hell did that mean. It's not like she was psychic.

I tried to brush off the unsettling feeling I had in my gut.

Because it was Sunday, I couldn't do much for Bella in terms of finding her a doctor and making her an appointment. I looked on the Internet at recommendations for ones in the area. There was a perfectly good OB with excellent qualifications working at Forks hospital. It was a woman, which I knew Bella would prefer, and I would rather the doctor be in Forks than Port Angeles. I wanted somebody close in case anything bad happened. By the time I was finished with my research, Bella still hadn't come out of the room. I decided to let her be.

It was another hour before I saw her. She emerged and went straight to the kitchen to make dinner. She didn't ask me if I had a taste for anything like she usually did. She also didn't ask me to help.

I was concerned when I saw that she only filled one plate with food and set it in front of me. "Aren't you going to eat?" I asked her, eying the single plate.

"I'm not hungry," she muttered.

"Bella, you need to eat, especially if you're pregnant." I didn't want to overstate the obvious, but I felt like she needed to hear it. She never ate much anyway, but that wouldn't do now.

She glared at me. "I said I wasn't hungry," she said angrily, stomping out of the kitchen.

And now I wasn't either. I pushed the plate away from me in frustration. She had ignored me all day and kept to herself. Then, the first time I saw her since we got home, she snapped at me and stormed off. This time, I followed.

"Baby, please talk to me," I pled as I followed her into the bedroom. She was lying on top of the covers, facing away from me.

"Not now," she said quietly. At least she wasn't yelling at me. "I'm just trying to process all this. There's a lot to think about."

"Of course there's a lot to think about, but we're in this together. I wish you would talk to me."

"And I wish you would leave me alone. Just for now. Please?"

I never knew how to handle it when Bella acted like this. When things got really stressful for her, she shut into herself and refused to talk to me. She did it almost every time things got tense. This time was especially frustrating, because what she was brooding about was _our _child.

There wasn't really a point in arguing with her when she got like this though. I decided to leave her alone as she asked. I returned to the silence of the living room and groaned as I flopped down on the couch and flicked on the television.

I fell asleep hallway through a Mariners game. I woke up a few hours later with a start when I heard Bella curse from the other room.

"Shit!" she exclaimed. It sounded like she was in the bathroom. Then I heard a cabinet door slam.

My first thought was that she hurt herself, and I rushed to see what happened.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked.

"Look!" she exclaimed, thrusting her small orange prescription bottle at me.

"Your medication?" Bella had been on several medications over the years, but she was down to only one for her anxiety disorder, which she religiously took every night before bed. She had another prescription to be used on an as needed basis if she got really anxious, but she hardly ever touched them. She said they made her feel strange.

"The label! It says 'do not take if you are pregnant or suspect that you're pregnant.'"

As I read the warning on the bottle, I definitely understood her concern. However, at present I was more concerned about her. "Well we'll make sure we get an appointment for tomorrow and ask about it, okay?" I said, trying my best to calm her.

She threw the pills in the trash with a huff. "It's already starting," she muttered.

I retrieved the pills from the thankfully empty can. "What's starting?" I asked, setting the pills back on the counter.

"These… issues… shit. I can't deal with this." I noticed she was gripping the counter so tightly he knuckles were white. I gently extracted her hands from the counter and lifted her to sit on it so that we were eye level.

"Before you start throwing away your meds and refusing to take them, don't you think we should talk to Tom first? And your OB?"

Tom was Jasper's father and Bella's psychiatrist. She didn't see him with any real regularity anymore. After almost two years of seeing him on a weekly basis, they were both comfortable with medication regime she was on, as well as her progress with her anxiety disorder. She checked in with him every few months and he would call in refills for her. Once Alice and Jasper got serious they became more like family and he refused to accept any payment for his services, which made Bella uncomfortable at first, but she got over it.

"They wouldn't have put a warning on the bottle if it was safe to take. Thank God I didn't take one yesterday?"

"You didn't take one yesterday?" Bella was always very careful about taking her medication, so hearing that she missed a dose was a little surprising.

"With all the drama and finding out about the pregnancy, I forgot," she explained.

"If you didn't take it yesterday, I think you really need to take one today," I suggested, hoping that she would take my advice. A missed dose here and there wasn't an issue, but I wasn't actually sure how she would handle two missed doses.

"I'm not taking something that clearly says that it can harm the baby if I do," she said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why don't I call Tom?" I suggested.

"It's almost ten!" she exclaimed. "It's a little late for a business call, don't you think? I'll be okay for one night."

"Two nights," I muttered, debating on just calling him anyway.

We ended up in a bit of a staring contest when she finally relented. "Fine, call him," she said.

I returned to the bedroom where my cell phone was sitting on my nightstand. I pulled up Tom's number and hit 'send'. I realized that I accidentally dialed his home phone instead of his cell when a frantic Darcy picked up the phone.

"Edward!" she asked in a panic. "Are you all right? What's wrong with the kids?"

"Relax, there's nothing wrong with the kids," I assured her quickly.

"Then why are you calling so late?"

I looked at the clock and saw that it was about fifteen minutes to ten. I really didn't think it was too late to call. "Is Tom around?"

"Tom!" she shrieked, causing me to cringe away from the phone. I heard a shuffling on the other end and then Tom picked up, sounding absolutely relaxed, unlike his wife.

"Hey, Edward. What's up?"

"Hey, Tom, I'm sorry to call you so late, but we have a problem. It's about Bella."

"How can I help?" he asked. I could tell his voice was laced with concern even though he was quickly going into doctor mode.

"We found out yesterday- I mean we're pretty sure at least- that Bella's pregnant. I'm trying to get her an appointment with an OB tomorrow. Anyway, when Bella went to take her meds tonight, she noticed it said not to take if you're pregnant and she's a little freaked out about it."

"That's a tough situation," he admitted. "Tell Bella that the medication I've prescribed has been shown to sometimes cause heart and lung problems in newborns. However, this is a risk versus benefit situation. A lot of times, a physician will choose to leave a woman on the medication if the disorder is severe enough. In her case, I believe it is. She's already on a fairly high dosage. For one thing, I worry that she can withdraw from the medication if she just stops abruptly. Second, from what I know about her history, I can't see a way that Bella can function without the medication. I suggest she take her dose tonight, and maybe you guys can come over tomorrow and we can talk about it?"

"That sounds great, really. Thank you," I said sincerely. Even if his wife was a little crazy, I was glad to have Tom in our lives. He's been a good friend and confidant to Bella over the years.

"Excellent. We can have dinner first. Bring that dog of yours by, I'm dying to meet her."

"Okay, will do. Thanks, and goodnight."

Bella looked at me expectantly as I hung up the phone. I relayed the information he gave me, almost word for word. I told her that he recommended she take the dose tonight. She reluctantly pulled a pill out of the bottle and swallowed it dry.

"I'm really worried about this," she said, after the medication was down.

"Is something else bothering you?" I asked. "You've been distant all day."

"It's just a lot to think about, you know?" she said. She pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. I crawled in on my side and we lay facing each other.

"Yeah, it's definitely a big life change," I agreed, stroking her cheek gently. "But nothing we can get through."

"What if we can't?" she asked quietly.

"We will," I said firmly. "What other choice do we have?"

She bit her lower lip anxiously. "We haven't discussed all the options."

"Options? You mean…" I trailed off.

"We don't have to have this baby." I noticed she didn't look me in the eye when she said it, and I didn't know how serious she was about it.

The thought of an abortion never even crossed my mind. I'd always been pro choice, feeling that it was the woman's right to decide, but I never once imagined myself in a situation where it was affecting me personally.

Did I want to give up this baby? That answer was definitely a _no_. I wasn't thrilled at the idea of Bella going through a pregnancy, but now that it's actually happening, I couldn't help but be enthralled with the idea of being a father.

I never even considered abortion as an option. It never even crossed my mind, not even a little. I didn't like the idea, but that didn't mean I wouldn't discuss it with her. But I wondered if Bella was actually serious about this.

One look at her eyes told me that yes, in fact, she was.

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><p><strong>AN**- Thanks to all who read and reviewed the last few chapters! Please let me know what you thought of this one! Your feedback is very important to me!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- Nine Weeks

"You're talking about an abortion?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"I just said it was an option to consider," Bella said, quickly defending her statement. I couldn't help but notice she wasn't looking me in the eye.

"Why won't you look at me?"

Bella sighed. "Because I'm ashamed, and confused, and I'm afraid to hurt you."

"That does hurt," I admitted. "I'll be honest with you. We've talked about this before, the idea of a pregnancy. We both agreed that maybe it wasn't something that we should try for. The minute you told me, my first thoughts were about how we were going to handle it. Then I thought about it- a lot. Now that this has happened- _is_ happening, I realized how much I want this. I want a family with you. I want it all. Then you say something like that, and I don't even know what to think."

"I'm sorry," she said sadly. "I just don't know if having this baby is the right thing to do. What if it turns out like me?"

"What's so wrong about a baby turning out like you, Bella? I know you had a tough life but that was a hundred percent on your mother. I like to think that you're life is pretty damn good now. Really, are things so bad that you wish you were never born?"

"Sometimes," she whispered.

To hear her say that was a knife to the heart. I was upset because I never knew she felt that bad about her life. More than that, I was angry. "How could you even say that?" I demanded, trying as hard as I could not to yell. "We've spent the last four years building a fucking life together. I've done everything I could to make you happy, because you deserve it. Now you tell me that sometimes you wish you were never born? Really?"

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"I'm tired of hearing that you're fucking sorry, Bella. You were acting really strange at breakfast, and you didn't say a word to me on the car ride home. You ignored me all fucking day and hid in our bedroom. Then I find out the reason why you've been so distant today is because you feel fucking guilty because you want to terminate the pregnancy. You want a fucking abortion because you don't want the baby to end up like you, because _you_ had a shitty life and _you _wish you were never born. That's a pretty big fucking bombshell, Bella. All you can say is you're sorry?"

My outburst caused her tears to start up again. Normally I was programmed to go straight to Bella and comfort her every time she cried, but this time I was too angry with her. She sat on this all day, because she was ashamed of herself and wouldn't let me in.

Now that I knew why she was shutting me out, I was furious. I just stood my ground and stared at her as her endless stream of tears fell.

There was no sound now except for her quiet whimpers. Finally, desperate to break the silence, I said, "You know what? For once this isn't just about you." Then I had to walk away. I stormed out to the living room, slamming the door behind me.

I thought that Bella was better. We had a hard time when we were first married because she was still struggling with the issues of her past. I thought we had moved past that though. I thought she was happy. Then we have one little kink in our perfect life, and it's like erasing four years of progress.

She wanted an abortion. I didn't even know what to do with that.

As I paced I tried to calm myself. I stood in the center of the room and took one long deep breath, when I heard a sound that tore my heart to shreds.

Bella was sobbing. She wasn't just crying like she was before. She wasn't just a little upset. She was having a complete meltdown, and I knew that it was my fault.

Did I really just yell at my pregnant wife because she told me she wasn't happy with her life? Because she gave me another option to consider? She never even said she was going to go through with it; she just wanted to talk about it.

Yes, she ignored me most of the day, but that's her way of dealing with things sometimes. I knew that. I've known that since the beginning. I knew that the day I agreed to marry her.

She tried to open up to me. I didn't like what she had to say, and I threw it back in her face. I called her selfish.

I felt like the world's biggest asshole.

I hurried back to the bedroom and curled behind Bella as she sobbed. She didn't even acknowledge my presence as she continued to cry. "I'm an asshole. I'm so sorry, Bella," I said firmly.

She said nothing else. She continued to cry, and I continued to hold her, murmuring my apology over and over. Finally, after what seemed like an endless amount of time, her sobs quieted and her breathing evened out, and I realized that she had literally cried herself to sleep.

Sleep was something that once again wouldn't come for me that night, as I replayed the scene over and over in my head.

Halfway through the night, Bella had the same nightmare again. She started to tremble in herself and murmur "not like you," over and over again. I managed to wake her up long enough to stop the nightmare, but she fell into an exhausted sleep again immediately.

The next morning, I was up before she was. I made her breakfast, knowing it was the least, and I mean the very least, that I could do for her. She had to work that morning, and I was still off for another week. Though extremely tired from lack of sleep the night before, I cooked and cleaned up the house before she was up. I set a plate for her to warm in the oven until she was up.

When I realized it was a little after seven-thirty, I went to the bedroom to check on her. Bella very rarely slept past seven, especially when she had to work. When I entered the bedroom, I found her awake and sitting on the side of the bed, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

Sitting next to her, I asked. "What's wrong, baby? You're running late."

"I feel sick," she said. "I don't think I want to work today."

Bella had plenty of sick days, so that wasn't an issue. I was concerned only because she so rarely used them. Even when she had bronchitis, she worked for three straight days before the fatigue finally caught up with her and she physically couldn't work.

"I made breakfast," I offered. "I can bring it in here if you want?"

"Thanks," she said. "Maybe later though. I think I just want to go back to bed. I'm really tired."

I helped her get settled back into the bed, very concerned about her. I didn't know if it was normal for Bella to be so tired this early in the pregnancy. I wasn't sure if the lack of appetite was normal or how much she needed to eat. I realized I had some research to do. I didn't know shit about pregnancy and even less about how to raise a baby.

Bella needed an appointment- today. If that didn't happen, I think we would both go crazy with anxiety.

I was both surprised and elated when I called into the office and found that one of the doctors I looked in to, Dr. Carmen, had an appointment available that afternoon. When I went to tell Bella that we were able to get an appointment, she was far from excited. She just looked at me with her sad brown eyes and it tore me apart once again.

The appointment was later that afternoon. We walked into the office very hesitantly and were face to face with Dr. Carmen. She was a slight woman, probably in her mid-fifties with gray hair. She gave us a warm smile when we entered. "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, so glad you could come today."

"Thank you," Bella said quietly, her eyes darting around the room. The office was cozy, but I knew any kind of doctor's office made her nervous. I squeezed her hand in reassurance.

Dr. Carmen motioned for us to have a seat. There were two chairs next to the exam table and we each took one. "So, Mrs. Cullen," she said. "According to your husband you took a pregnancy test two days ago that was positive?"

Bella nodded.

"Have you been having any symptoms of pregnancy?"

"Morning sickness," she whispered. "And I missed my period."

"Okay. Well, well I'd like to take some samples. We can do a blood test to confirm, and run some routine blood work as well. I'd also like to get a urinalysis."

"Okay," Bella said, still very quiet.

Dr. Carmen cocked her head slightly. "It's normal to be nervous your first time, don't worry."

Bella nodded and stuck out her arm. Dr. Carmen proceeded to take blood. Bella flinched when the needle entered her skin and I squeezed her free hand tightly, wishing I could take her place.

When Dr. Carmen asked Bella to remove her clothes and sit on the exam table, she started to tremble. I remembered that the last time she had a pelvic exam was four years ago, and that it was excessively traumatic for her. She adamantly refused to have another, even forgoing her recommended routine pap smears. I never felt the need to argue with her about it, because there was really only so much trauma one could take in a lifetime.

Dr. Carmen left the room so Bella could get undressed and on the table. Her breathing was quickened, but she acted bravely and quickly changed into the gown she was provided. When Dr. Carmen came in, Bella held her breath through most of the exam. I held her hand, and she squeezed so tight it was actually painful, but it didn't bother me. On her end it was much worse.

After that came the ultrasound, and this was the part I was excited about. Our final confirmation would a picture of our baby on the screen. I watched the monitor anxiously as the doctor ran a wand around Bella's abdomen.

"There it is!" Dr. Carmen exclaimed, pointing to a fuzzy gray image on the screen. "Congratulations you two!" She hit a button and the image started to print on glossy paper.

Bella stared at the screen for a moment then turned her head away, saying nothing. Her lack of emotion was disconcerting, and so I found it impossible to share in Dr. Carmen's enthusiasm.

"Or maybe not?" Dr. Carmen asked, picking up on the tension in the room. "I apologize. I'm so used to giving out congratulations that I forget that it's not always good news. Have you two discussed other options?"

"A little," I said.

"Have you made a decision as to whether or not you want this baby?"

I shifted in my stance uncomfortably. "We uh… I guess we haven't decided that quite yet."

"No, we have. We're having this baby. I mean… if that's what you want?" Bella asked, looking directly at me, her eyes full of uncertainty.

"I'll just give you two a minute to talk. You can get dressed now, Bella," Dr. Carmen said, excusing herself from the room.

I helped Bella into a sitting position. "Of course it's what I want," I said, once she was settled. "But what about you?"

Bella pulled the ultrasound picture from the printer and stared at it for a minute. "It didn't seem so real until now," she said softly, gazing at the image.

"So, we're having a baby?" I asked, a smile creeping on my face.

Bella nodded quickly, and I couldn't help but launch myself at her and pull her into my arms. It was a bit awkward when I realized Bella was still minus pants, but we both chuckled at that.

"I'm so fucking happy right now," I admitted, as Bella pulled on her jeans.

"Just promise me it's the right thing to do?" she asked, nervousness in her voice.

I didn't have time to answer her before Dr. Carmen came back in. "There's the happy couple," she smiled, taking in our happy expressions. "You must be full of questions." She started by explaining the basics- follow up appointments, expectations for the next several weeks, prenatal vitamins, diet, and things for Bella to avoid. She also calculated that the due date would be in early March.

"What about the medication she's taking?" I asked.

Dr. Carmen looked down briefly at the chart and her eyes widened a little in surprise before she quickly composed herself. "Who's the prescribing physician for this?"

"My psychiatrist," Bella said.

"And it's used for…"

"Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder," she whispered. Even after years of coming to terms with her illness, she was still embarrassed about it. She never listened when I told her over and over there was nothing for her to be ashamed about.

"It's a pretty high dosage. I imagine that if this strength is necessary, then the disorder must be pretty severe?"

Bella nodded.

"In that case, I would have to say that you need to discuss the risk versus benefit of taking this medication with your psychiatrist. This medication is listed as a class "D" meaning it's not recommended for use during pregnancy. However, some studies have shown that it's even more dangerous to take the mother off of a drug like this, or similar drugs, because of the resulting depression and anxiety stopping it can take. That can hurt the baby just as much."

"I spoke to him on the phone yesterday, and he said pretty much the same thing," I offered. "We have an appointment with him tonight."

"I'll tell you what," said Dr. Carmen. "If you give me his number, I'll give him a call. We can discuss it the pros and cons, and then you can discuss it with him tonight. Is that okay with you, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Yes, that's fine," Bella said. I quickly jotted down Tom's name and number and handed it to her. Before we left, I asked about Bella's lack of appetite. She told us it wasn't uncommon to lose weight at the beginning of a pregnancy, and they would reassess it at the follow up.

As we were literally walking out the door, Bella stopped dead in her tracks. Turing back to look at Dr. Carmen, she asked timidly, "Can I ask one more question?"

"Of course."

"How is it possible I got pregnant?" she asked. "I never missed a dose of my birth control, not even once. I always took it the same time every day."

Dr. Carmen shrugged. "Nothing is a hundred percent. Certain things can also cause birth control pills to lose their effectiveness, like antibiotics, for example."

Bella's eyes widened at the same time mine did. "I knew that," she muttered.

"I did too," I said, squeezing her hand gently. "I guess we both forgot." Bella's doctor did warn us about antibiotics affecting birth control when she prescribed them for the bronchitis. I always felt like things like this happened for a reason, though.

I took notice of Bella's solemn expression as we made our way to the parking lot, and asked her what was wrong.

Bella sighed. "I just feel like a horrible mother already. I'm so freaking messed up that everyone is telling me I shouldn't stop taking a medication that could hurt the baby."

"Hey!" I said, stopping in my tracks. I turned her chin firmly to look at me. "Don't ever say that about yourself. You're not messed up, and you're going to be a great mother."

Bella nodded but I could see in her eyes she didn't believe me.

We went straight to the house to pick up Athena and then over to the Whitlocks' as planned. When we came to the door, we found that Tom was absolutely enthralled with our dog, while Darcy kind of hung back and observed from a distance. I could tell that she wasn't exactly a dog person.

We got straight down to business while Darcy finished up dinner. Tom took us straight back into his office and Athena followed dutifully behind.

"Man, I always wanted a dog," Tom commented as he sat behind his desk. Athena came up and nuzzled his hand and he smiled and patted her back. "Crazy bitch would never let me have one though. But anyway, we're not here to talk about my life, so let's get on with yours."

"Did Dr. Carmen call you?" I asked.

"She did," Tom said. "Said everything looks good with the pregnancy so far, but it's early yet. We talked a little about your condition Bella, and I believe that we're both in agreement that it would be more detrimental to you to take you off the medicine than it would be for you to stay on it. What are your feelings?"

"I feel guilty," Bella admitted. "I'm potentially harming this baby because I'm worried about a little anxiety or depression. I think maybe I should just stop taking them."

I shot her a panicked glance, but Tom spoke up before I could. "Now, Bella, we both know that we're not talking about a just a _little_ bit of anxiety. When you first started coming to see me, you were barely functioning in the real world. It took us months to find the right medication for you, and if I may say so, you're doing remarkably well. Of course I won't force the pills down your throat, but I'm just making a recommendation, both as your doctor and your friend."

"Okay," Bella agreed. "I'll keep taking them." She sounded reluctant.

"I'd like to see you more frequently too," he said. "Nothing formal, but just check in with me at least once a week and let me know how you're doing. Does that sound okay?"

Bella nodded. We talked a while longer and eventually went out to eat dinner. As we were leaving Tom pulled us aside and promised again that he would be around if either of us needed anything. I was grateful to have him around, and I was also glad that he talked Bella into keeping with her meds. It would break my heart to see her revert to the frightened shell of a woman I once knew.

That night as we lay in bed, I held my hand to Bella's stomach and imagined it round with my child. Starting a family now felt right. Even if we were in for a hard road ahead, I believed it would be worth it in the end. Besides, who were we to fight fate?

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><p>AN- Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter! Next update, we move ahead a few weeks, and then the drama really starts. I'll get it out as soon as I can. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7- Week Thirteen

I breathed a sigh of relief as the last bell of the day rang. I'd been back to teaching for a little over three weeks, and I absolutely loved it. My last class wasn't my favorite though. It was Music Theory. The subject was a little dry, and most of the kids in the class were pretty apathetic. The kids had to pick each semester an Art, Music, or Drama course. For those that didn't want to paint, play an instrument, or act, they all took Music Theory or Art History. Even I was starting to hate the class as much as they did.

As I was packing up my messenger back for the day, I heard a familiar voice from the door of my classroom. "Hey, Cullen, you up for a beer?"

I chuckled at Ben, who had a stupid grin on his face.

"Is this how you prepare for Parents Night?" I asked coyly.

"Damn straight. So you in? Angie's coming too."

Ben Cheney had moved to Forks with his wife, Angela, around the beginning of the school year. More accurately, they moved _back_ to Forks. Apparently Ben and I were at Forks High at the same time, but he graduated a year ahead of me and I didn't remember him. He taught Math at the school now, and Angela taught English. I always thought that Bella and Angela would be pretty good friends, but every time I invited her out with us, she always declined. I knew she was nervous around new people, but I worried constantly that eventually her self-imposed isolation would get to her eventually. So far it hasn't.

"Not this time, Ben," I answered him. "Thanks for the invite, but I want to spend some time with Bella before I leave her for the whole evening."

Ben frowned. "Still can't talk her into coming with?"

I growled under my breath as I remembered the last time I tried, which was only a couple of nights ago. I invited her to come along for some drinks after work. She promptly accused me of only wanting a designated driver because she couldn't drink. She then said that I was throwing it in her face that I could drink and she couldn't. When I told her that the notion was utterly irrational, as she never drank anyway, I ended up sleeping on the couch. I also made a mental note to never call a pregnant woman with an anxiety disorder irrational for any reason, ever again.

I felt the need to make an excuse for her, though. "She's just really uncomfortable around new people," I said. "She'll come around."

"Ait, man, see you at Parents Night," he said, exiting my classroom.

I smiled at the memory of meeting Bella for the first time at Parents Night. I was there for my sister Alice. After being reamed out by several of her teachers for being a poor substitute for a parent, I went reluctantly to the last class, which was English. That's where I met my angel for the first time, and that's exactly when I fell in love with her.

She looked very frazzled that day, as I imagined any teacher might have. I'm sure I looked frazzled myself, after meeting all of Alice's teachers and not hearing a single nice thing. Despite what was clearly a bad night for Bella, she sat me down and talked to me sincerely about her concern for Alice. Together we talked about how to help Alice through the worst time in her life.

That was the night I fell in love with Bella. It took her two weeks to talk to me again, and almost a month before she admitted she loved me too, but it was destiny- I'm sure of it.

Things around the school were pretty hectic after the final bell. Teachers all over were checking their classrooms, organizing handouts, and making sure everything was perfect for Parents Night. I hear there is nothing more stressful in a teacher's life.

As for me, I didn't really care so much. I learned after last year that nobody _really _cares about the music classes. It was just a simple elective to most- a bird course. Nobody in my class was failing, and I knew I had nothing to worry about.

Instead, I left after the final bell to spend a few hours with Bella before I had to return to the school.

When I got to the house, I realized she was still in her office, which wasn't surprising. She stayed in there religiously until four p.m. every single day. I only had about fifteen minutes to wait, but I didn't want to. I was simply anxious to see her.

The reason was this. She was worrying me lately. Though her pregnancy progressed as expected, I think the extra hormones in her system were starting to take their toll on her mind. She seemed a little more anxious and on edge than usual, and though I was pretty sure it was just the hormones, I still felt the urge to constantly check on her and make sure she had everything she needed. She was carrying my child now, and it was my job to protect her.

Bella most recently traded her morning sickness for late night cravings, which I was totally okay with. She gained four pounds over the last three weeks, and I thought she never looked better. She held the glow of a pregnant woman, and despite the inherent sadness that seemed to always been in her eyes, she lit up a room whenever she entered it. Hell, she lit up my life.

Her most recent bad craving was about a week ago when she wanted a greasy burger from the diner at almost two in the morning. Being a late hour, the diner was soon to close, but I didn't mind at all getting up and running to get it for her. I figured if she had to deal with the hormones, the mood swings, the nausea, and the cravings, the least I could do was run and get her something to eat, no matter what the time.

I pulled up to the diner that night to find the closed sign only just being flipped. Panicked, I ran from the car and started banging on the door like a madman. When someone finally opened it up, I was completely out of breath and gasped, "Wife… pregnant… burger… milkshake…"

The older woman who answered the door graciously allowed me to come inside and ordered the cook to fire up the grill while she poured a milkshake into a to-go cup. I thanked her profusely and she just shrugged me off. "How could I refuse any man who would come to the diner in the middle of the night on a Wednesday to feed his pregnant wife?"

I smiled at the memory as I knocked on Bella's door. She never locked it, but sometimes she got into a "zone" and I never liked to startle her. She didn't answer right away, so I opened the door quietly and stuck my head in. I was shocked and dismayed to find her with her head in her arms on the desk, her tiny frame trembling with silent sobs.

"Holy shit, Bella, what happened?" I asked anxiously, rushing to her side and kneeling down next to her chair.

"N-nothing," she stammered. "I'm just being irrational."

I couldn't help but notice that she used the word 'irrational', and I wondered if it was an underhanded jab at me. She still hadn't forgiven me. Choosing to ignore that for the moment, I said, "This doesn't look like nothing, baby. Tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm just stressed out," she said finally. "Mr. Hale gave me this big account. It's some author who writes young adult books for boys- murder mysteries. He's supposed to be the next Edward Stratemeyer."

"Uh, who?"

"He's the guy who created the _Hardy Boys_," she explained.

"Okay, so what's the problem?"

"I just got off the phone with him. Apparently he didn't like the changes I suggested, and he freaked out on me. He called me a 'stupid bitch' and said that I was paid to proofread, not comment. He said if I was worth anything, I would be publishing my own books instead of editing his. It was completely unfair." As she finished her story, her eyes spilled over and she started to tremble again.

I was literally seeing red- nobody talks to my wife like that.

"I'm calling Mr. Hale," I said firmly. "You aren't going to be working with this dipshit anymore."

"You can't!" she exclaimed. "I don't want to get fired!"

"You're not going to get fired. Mr. Hale loves you. But I won't stand by while you're being verbally abused either. You don't need the extra stress, especially not while you're pregnant. I will not stand for that."

"Then let me talk to him," she said. "I'll call Mr. Hale tomorrow, okay?"

"Do you promise me?"

"Yes," she said, looking me dead in the eye. "I promise. I just hope he won't be too mad."

"He won't," I assured her. "Man what I would do to give that author douche a piece of my mind."

"Don't do anything stupid, please," Bella begged. "I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

And there was my nonconfrontational girl. Even when someone is clearly demeaning and verbally abusive to her, she doesn't want to start anything.

I rose to my feet and held out my hand, urging her to rise with me. She did, and I guided her out of the office, kicking the door shut behind me. We walked silently to the living room, and I sat in my favorite armchair and pulled her down into my lap, where she snuggled right into me. These tender moments were the ones I craved.

I kissed her lips gently and stroked her hair until she calmed a bit, then just held her close until her stomach audibly growled. Ever embarrassed, Bella turned a deep shade of red, but I just chuckled at her. "Time to feed the mama?"

She punched me in the shoulder playfully as she got to her feet. "It seems like lately it's always feeding time," she said, looking down at her feet. "I'm going to be three hundred pounds before March."

"Doubtful," I murmured, nuzzling her neck. "You're beautiful, baby. You've never looked better to me." I kissed her gently on the lips before we went off to feed our growing baby.

~~ID~~

That night was hardly stressful, just boring as fuck. I had a few parents breeze through, some with their children in tow. They listened, bored, as I explained the curriculum and projects for the semester. Most left without so much as a "thank you," and I didn't really care. My only concern was that the fake smile I kept plastered to my face was starting to hurt.

During some downtime, I began to grade a few papers to pass the time, when I was practically knocked on my ass by one of the most vile stenches I had ever encountered in my life.

It was cheap perfume, and whiskey, and cigarette smoke all rolled into one. I looked up slowly and was face to face with just about the largest, fakest tits I had ever seen in my life.

"Can I help you," I asked, swallowing down bile. I was unable to tear my eyes away from the interesting specimen of breasts in front of me. Not because they excited me- in fact, is was quite the opposite. They were absolutely massive, and lopsided, and covered in a tube top so small I wondered why the woman even bothered wearing one. Finally, I found the courage to look up at the owner of the offending stench… and breasts.

"Hi," she breathed, her putrid breath fanning over my face. I fought hard not to turn from her in disgust. She held one long, too thin arm out to shake my hand, and I felt like I could get a disease from just touching her skin, but I shook it politely. I took that time to fully take her in. She was the epitome of fake- fake breasts, a fake orange tan, and fake flaming red curly hair that was unkempt and flowing in all directions. She was skinny, disgustingly so, and her ribs protruded out dangerously. Her skirt was too short, and leopard printed. Her skin was leathery, no doubt from over-tanning. As she smiled at me, I couldn't help but notice her crooked, discolored teeth.

Figuring she was a parent of one of my students, and trying to stay polite, I introduced myself. "I'm Mr. Cullen," I said. To all the other parents I introduced myself as "Edward Cullen", but I found that I didn't actually want her to know my full name

"You're too young to be a 'mister,'" she said. "What's your first name, cutie?"

"Umm… Edward?" I said, though it came out as more of a question. This woman was truly rattling my nerves.

"Hmm, never mind," she said, perching her barely clothed ass on the edge of my desk and crossing her legs. I made a mental note that I was out of Clorox Wipes, as I gaped at the disgusting woman. "Mr. Cullen suits you better. It's more sexy than 'Edward.'"

"Um, right. So what can I do for you?"

"I'm Vicky Mallory. My daughter is Lauren, she's in one of your classes." I could literally feel her eyes on me as she ran them up and down me. It was disgusting.

"Lauren," I said, swallowing hard. I tried to think of a nice thing to say about the girl, but came up short. She was one of the popular kids, mean as hell, and made her fun by picking on others.

"I know what you're thinking," she continued. "How could someone as young as me have a twelve year old?" I scoffed internally at that. Her wrinkly, leathery, over-tanned skin made her look like a fifty-year-old dressing like a slutty teenager.

I realized she was waiting for me to respond to her, so I just made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat, hoping that it wasn't too obvious.

She leaned closer to me and grabbed my tie, pulling her lips to my ear. "I was only sixteen when I had her," she whispered. I cringed away when I felt her hot breath on my face, thoroughly disgusted by now.

"I think you're getting inappropriate," I said gruffly. "It's probably time for you to leave now."

"Oh, I haven't even begun. Don't you want me?" she asked, pouting her lips a little and batting her eyes. I think she was trying to be seductive, but she more resembled someone having a seizure.

"No, not at all," I said firmly. "I'm happily married with a baby on the way. I want nothing to do with you, and unless you have any concerns about your daughter or my class, I think you should leave."

"Mmm, come on," she whined. "You won't regret it. I'll do things to you your fat ass pregnant wife would never dream of."

I was seething now, the fields of my vision becoming redder by the second. Slamming my fist down on my desk I shouted, "Don't ever fucking talk about my wife. Get the fuck out!"

She grabbed her purse with a huff and strutted out, but not before flipping her hair and turning back to me with the last words. "Call me if you change your mind," she said, flipping a card on my desk.

Jesus, what the fuck was with this woman? I told her I was married with a child on the way and she was still being persistent. With my nerves still rattled, I managed to pack up the rest of my belongings and make my way out of the building. I saw a few other teachers in the halls who tried to make conversation, but I didn't indulge them much. I just wanted to get home and into a hot shower after that encounter.

As I was turning the key in my Volvo, I felt a hand brush against my ass. Startled, I turned around sharply and was face to face with Vicky once more.

As I opened my mouth to scream at her to get the hell away from me, I felt her nasty, chapped lips press urgently to my own. I froze for a minute, absolutely shocked, but when I felt her tongue pass over my lips, I pushed her away roughly.

I've never hit a woman in my life, but the urge was strong now.

"Get the fuck away from me, bitch," I seethed, quietly as to not make a scene. I clenched my fists at my sides, knowing that if they broke rank, I just might hit her. "If I ever see you come near me again, I will have you arrested for assault, do you understand me?"

Without waiting for a response, I ripped my car door open and got inside, slamming it roughly. I peeled out quickly, not wanting to look at that awful woman another moment.

I needed to tell Bella what happened. Immediately. If someone else saw, misconstrued what transpired somehow, and it got back to her, I don't know how she would take it. I raced home to see her.

When I finally made it home, I bolted to the door and ripped it open, to find Bella waiting inside for me, looking anxious.

"How'd it go?" she asked quietly. I knew she was more nervous about my Parents Night than I was, a product of her own bad memories.

"Okay," I said carefully. "It was fine, but I need to…"

I was distracted by my statement when Bella shot up and threw her arms around me. "I'm so glad you're home," she said. "I was really worried."

I kissed the top of her head. "I'm fine, I promise," I chuckled. Though I hated to see her anxious, it made me feel good that she was so worried about me. Suddenly she froze.

"What the hell?" she asked, pulling away from me, looking horrified.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You… smell like perfume. And…" she rubbed her thumb across my lips and gasped when it came back red with lipstick. "What the _fuck_, Edward?"

"Bella, you need to listen to me know. This is what I was trying to tell you…"

"Oh my god… of all the things… I can't believe this…"

"Bella, you're not listening to me," I begged.

"No! You're not listening to me!" she shouted. "How _could _you?"

"Stop, Bella!" I pled, as calmly as I could. "There was a woman…"

She gasped, and I knew suddenly I shouldn't have started my sentence that way. She grabbed her keys from the hook on the door, opened the door and walked out. I went after her immediately, and saw her running to her truck.

"Bella!" I called anxiously. "Please, stop, and listen to me."

"Fuck you!" she screamed, climbing into her truck and starting the engine, pulling out immediately.

I pulled my hair roughly as I watched her taillights disappear down the end of the street. With all the force I could muster, I punched the front door as hard as I could, welcoming the searing pain that shot down my arm.

"Fuck!" I bellowed out into the night. I couldn't believe she just fucking left.

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><p><strong>AN- **Okay, things are heating up with our couple. Please let me know what you think, good or bad. Reviews are my happy pills!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- 13 Weeks Part 2

Back inside the house, I could do nothing but pace. I went over again and again in my mind what just transpired.

When I first came home, I opened my mouth to tell her what happened, and she wouldn't fucking listen. This was beyond fucked up.

I must have paced for fifteen minutes. I knew something was wrong- very wrong. Bella was not herself. Pregnancy hormones couldn't explain this. The fire in her eyes I saw was like nothing I'd ever seen. She was a different person.

She was still taking her medication. The same dosage she was on before she got pregnant. Nothing really explained the way she'd been acting over the last couple of weeks. She acted timid, afraid, and then turned on me out of nowhere. She wasn't the type to make assumptions without knowing the facts. She had more reason, more control than that.

In a moment of clarity, I realized the only explanation for her behavior was that she _wasn't_ taking her medication.

But that didn't make sense, because she promised me. I even took her to the pharmacy to fill her latest prescription. We talked, we agreed. I couldn't, and wouldn't, believe it.

Nothing else fit though. Frustrated, I stormed to the bathroom and pulled the door of the medicine cabinet open roughly, the hinges groaning in protest. I opened the lid of the one that she was supposed to take, every single night, without fail. Staring into the bottle, I couldn't believe my eyes. I dumped the pills out on the edge of the sink and counted quickly.

Thirty. I checked the date on the bottle. The prescription was filled four weeks ago. It was filled the day of her first OB appointment. The day we agreed, with the support of both her doctors, that taking them was the best course of action.

She hadn't taken a single fucking one.

I felt betrayed. She promised me she would take her fucking medication. She promised me she would do what was best for herself. She said she would take care of herself so she could take care of the baby.

I was beyond furious. She lied to me for four weeks and then just up and left without leaving me a chance to explain. Fuck that!

I tore my hands through my hair harshly and pulled. It stung, but it was no worse than the pain I was already feeling in my soul.

I needed to find her. I needed to demand an explanation. She's a fucking irrational, emotional wreck right now, because she went behind my back and lied to me. And now she was endangering my child.

I grabbed my keys from the coffee table and stormed out to the Volvo. She had a good half hour head start on me, but I'd find her. I knew she was probably at Charlie's. As I drove- recklessly, I might add- I called her cell three times but it went straight to voicemail. I called Charlie too, but he didn't pick up either.

"_Fuck!_" I screamed loudly at my steering wheel. Charlie's house was only ten minutes away, but I pressed the accelerator to the floor. I couldn't get there fast enough. I only snapped out of my blinding rage when I saw red and blue lights flashing in my rearview.

First Victoria, then Bella, and now I was getting pulled over. Could my night have been any worse?

I pulled dutifully to the side of the road and lay my forehead on the steering wheel in defeat. "Unbelievable" I muttered to myself.

It was dark, and I couldn't see a thing beyond the glare of the flashing lights. I opened my window when I heard someone knock on it.

I couldn't believe who I saw outside the window. "Are you fucking kidding me, Charlie?" I asked, exasperated. He had to have known it was my car.

"Step out of the car," he growled at me.

I just glared at him, a silent challenge. "Are you shitting me?"

"Get the fuck out of the car, _now!_"

Slamming my fist on my steering wheel in defeat, I got out as he requested.

Charlie crossed his arms over his chest as I stepped out of the car. He sized me up for a minute, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. After a few tense moments of him sizing me up, his glare faded and he sighed. "If you tell me you didn't do it, I'll believe you."

I knew what he meant immediately. "I swear on my life, and on Bella's, and on that of my unborn fucking child that I didn't touch that woman, Charlie," I growled.

"Then why is she at my house looking as rough as she did the first day she came back to Forks?"

"She's off her fucking meds, Charlie," I sighed. "I counted them when she left. She hasn't taken a single one since she got it filled."

"I was afraid of that," he muttered.

"Is she still at your house?"

"Yes, and I'm pretty sure she's planning on staying there for the night."

"Wait, you left her alone?" I exclaimed.

"How fucking stupid do you think I am, son? Sue's with her. I just came out to look for you. By the way- slow the fuck down. I don't want my grandchild growing up without a father."

"Sorry," I muttered.

"I should write you a ticket," he said, staring dead into my eyes.

"I know," I agreed.

"But I won't," he continued. "But I also think you should turn around and go home. Bella's a mess right now from what I've seen. She isn't going to listen to reason right now, not tonight. Come back in the morning."

"She's my wife, Charlie. I should be with her."

"Yes, you should, but let's be smart about it. Not tonight."

Though I completely disagreed with him, I could see his point. With Bella as upset as she was, my going over there was more likely to hurt the situation than help it. We would end up arguing, which would put more stress on Bella, and subsequently the baby too.

"Just tell her I love her," I pled. "And that I didn't fucking do anything."

"Why don't you tell me what did happen then?" Charlie asked. "So that I can explain it to her."

"Don't you think I should be the one to explain it to her?" I protested.

"Of course. But if she won't talk to you, then someone else has to."

"Fine," I grumbled. I told Charlie the whole sick, messed up story. Charlie only grunted at my retelling of the events.

"Okay, see you in the morning then," he said, making a move to get back in the cruiser.

"Just… take care of her," I said. "I'm worried about her."

"Me too, son. Me too."

I felt absolutely defeated as I turned around to go home. Once there, the house felt absolutely empty. It wasn't a home without Bella around.

I called out sick to work for the next day. If there was a chance she'd talk to me in the morning, then I wouldn't miss that. I spent the rest of the evening pacing around the house. Athena followed me step for step, whining every now and then, probably wondering what the hell I did with Bella.

When I finally felt tired enough to try to sleep, I laid down, but it was useless. The bed felt too empty without her.

It was only six o'clock before I got back in my car and drove over to Charlie's. I sat in front of the house until I saw the first light turn on in the living room, and I was on my feet in an instant. I banged on the door, desperate to see her, to explain myself, and to put an end to this foolishness.

Sue greeted me at the door and gave me a sad smile. "She's sleeping," she said. "She had a rough night, a lot of bad dreams. She's only just fallen asleep. You should probably let her rest."

"I really need to see her," I pled. Charlie came to the door then, shaking his head.

"Did you tell her?" I asked desperately.

"I tried," he said. "She didn't want to hear it."

I wanted to storm past the both of them, into the house, straight up the stairs, and force Bella to listen to reason. But I didn't.

With a resounding sigh, I said, "Will you call me when she wakes up?"

"Of course," Sue answered. With that, I reluctantly left.

I found myself with absolutely nothing to do. I had taken the whole day off, hoping Bella would talk to me this morning.

I drove to the diner and drank some coffee. I drove by Charlie's house, several times. I went up to the cliffs at First Beach where Bella and I were married and reminisced about how perfect that day was- how perfect she was. I spent quite a bit of time up there, just thinking.

Around one o'clock, Sue texted me and told me that Bella was awake and Charlie was trying to talk to her. I expected another text shortly thereafter telling me to come on over and get her, but that text didn't come.

I found myself back at Waylon's, my old stomping grounds, drinking straight whiskey with the regulars in the middle of the day. I ended up staying there most of the afternoon, waiting for that stupid text.

Around five o'clock, Charlie called. He said Bella still didn't want to see me, that she didn't believe him. He said he was working on it.

By eight, I was so frustrated with the lack of contact that I made a quick decision. I was going over there to talk some sense into Bella, whether she wanted me there or not.

It was only ten minutes later when I received another text. "Edward, you should come over here as soon as you can." My feet couldn't carry me to the car fast enough, and a few minutes later I was pulling up in front of Charlie's house.

As I entered the house, I had every intention of screaming at Bella. I was so angry at her betrayal, her deceit, that I could barely focus on anything else.

However, Charlie gave me a grim smile as I stormed into the foyer, and I knew instantly that something was very wrong.

My anger on hold for the moment, I stepped anxiously into the living room. My heart broke at the sight before me.

Bella sat stark still on Charlie's couch. Her hair was dirty and disheveled. Her eyes were fixed on me, but somehow unfocused, and above all afraid. She was staring right through me, afraid to look at me.

As I approached her, she tensed, and then trembled slightly. I instinctively reached a hand out for her, just to touch her, comfort her. As I did, she flinched away from me harshly and I froze in my tracks.

"Bella?" I asked, afraid of her reaction to me. Sucking in a sharp breath as I took in her tiny, trembling frame, I asked her in shock, "Jesus Christ, Bella. Did you think I was going to hit you?"

"I would have deserved it," she choked out.

"God, Bella, no…" I wanted to pull her into my arms immediately and comfort her, but she was actually afraid of me. I couldn't even fathom that.

"Bella," I said, crouching down in front of her so that we were at eye level. "I will never- ever hit you. Do you understand me?"

She nodded, but held her defensive stance. "Charlie told me everything," she said. "He told me what really happened. I should have listened to you."

I stood back up and stepped back a pace or two, planning my words. I couldn't hold it back any longer. "I'm not going to lie to you, Bella, because it won't do either of us any good. I'm upset, baby. Honestly, I'm fucking furious with you. You lied to me about taking your medication. You've treated me like shit for the last couple of weeks. You continue to shut me out. You didn't trust me, and you didn't give me a chance to explain myself about that woman. Then you ran from me, and hid out here for an entire fucking day, refusing to see me."

"I'm so sorry," she said with a shuddering breath. "So, so sorry." As her tears started to fall, my anger was held at bay just slightly. I groaned in frustration.

"Sorry," I muttered. Louder, I said, "Do you fucking know how worried I was? And you're sorry?"

"I can't even imagine."

"Do you understand why I'm so pissed off right now?"

"Yes."

"Dammit. I love you so much it fucking hurts. You can't keep doing this shit to me, Bella."

"What are you going to do?" She asked warily, her voice quivering.

"What am I going to do? What does that even fucking mean?" I asked, trying desperately to calm the anger.

"Please… just don't leave me," she whispered. "Please…"

I couldn't even believe what I was hearing. Because I was angry, and rightfully so I might add, her first conclusion is that I'm going to hit her. Her second was that I was going to leave her.

Was I not even allowed to be angry with her? Because she couldn't handle it?

This wasn't my wife. It was like she didn't know me at all. The harsh realities of Bella's condition came to me, and chased the anger away, leaving nothing but remorse for her, and fear.

"Bella, we both made vows to each other four years ago. I don't intend to ever break them. I love you unconditionally. No matter what happens, I will never leave you. You're sick baby. It's so fucking obvious now, and I should have picked up on it sooner. I failed you in that respect, because it's my job to take care of you. We're going to get you help though. You're not alone in this, I promise. You just need to let me in, okay?"

"Okay," she said, voice still quivering. I took a risk then by wrapping her tightly in my arms. It felt good to feel her close to me again. She didn't return my embrace though.

"Let's go home," I suggested, suddenly getting the feeling we were being watched. I looked up to find Charlie standing nervously in the door. I held a hand out to Bella and urged her to take it. "Please?" She complied, but was still hesitant.

Few words were spoken on the ride home. When we got to the house and were settled in bed, I asked her the question I most desperately needed an answer to. "Why did you stop taking your medication, Bella?"

"For the baby," she answered simply. "I've failed at so much in life. I don't want to fail at this too." She said the last part in barely a whisper.

I didn't wish to argue with her once more that the added stress from not taking the pills was probably hurting the baby more. We would talk to Tom about that tomorrow, because I was calling him first thing.

I pulled Bella in close to me. She remained stiff as a board, still afraid. With a sigh, I released her and rolled away, content enough that she was at least sharing a bed with me. It didn't take me long to fall into an exhausted sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I was awakened by Athena's big paw swatting my chest. Opening my eyes groggily, I found her standing on her haunches, her front paws on the bed, and staring down at me. She whimpered. Exhausted, I tried to push her away, but she didn't budge. Instead, she whimpered again and swatted me once more.

"What?" I asked her. "You need to go out?" She let out a whine so high-pitched I was afraid it would wake Bella. As I turned to check on her, I realized her side of the bed was empty. Athena let out the same ear-piercing whine and I got out of bed and followed her to the door. I expected her to run straight to the back door where she normally was let out, but she stopped at the couch and sat down, whimpering again.

It was there I found Bella, lying in the fetal position on the couch, crying softly. Each noise, each sob she let out, was slowly breaking me apart, piece by piece.

I went to the couch and pulled her to me. "What's wrong?" I asked gently, rocking her a little. Sometimes that helped to calm her.

"I'm scared," she whimpered.

"Of what, baby? Will you talk to me?"

"Please don't leave me… please."

"Never," I whispered. She didn't say anything further, so I simply rocked her and kissed her head until she finally fell asleep. Not wanting to wake her, I found myself sitting still, wide awake for another night.

I couldn't sleep now. Frankly I was terrified. Bella was sick, and I felt powerless to do anything about it.

**A/N- **Thank you to anyone who is reading this. I appreciate the reviews I've gotten so far. I really enjoy hearing from all of you- it motivates me to write. So please review! Thank you :)


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- **This chapter is a little angsty- you have been forewarned! See you down below :)

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><p><strong>Week Fourteen<strong>

"Bella," Tom said sternly. "You've been coming to my home, into my office, every Thursday for the past four weeks. Each time I asked you how taking the medication was going. I asked you if you felt any extra anxiety, any stress. I asked how you were coping with the pregnancy. Each time you looked at me straight in the eye and told me that you were fine, and that things were going better than you expected."

Bella looked down at her feet, but said nothing. It had been three days since I picked her up at Charlie's, and this was the first available time Tom had to see us. Bella was well into her fourteenth week of pregnancy now. From everything I read, this should be a happy time for any expecting couple, as it was past the point that miscarriages are most likely to happen. For us though, nothing had changed. Bella was a walking zombie.

"It's important for you to know that I'm not angry with you," Tom continued. "But I am very disappointed. You are more than just a patient to me, and I care about you very much. You've been seeing me for almost five years now. We built a relationship, both personal and professional, out of trust. I cannot help you if you aren't honest with me."

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered.

"Saying you're sorry is one thing. I have no doubt that you mean it. More than that though, I need you to promise me that this is the last time you will come into my office and lie to me. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Edward, how did you feel when you found out that Bella wasn't taking her medication?"

I hesitated. I didn't want to say anything to upset Bella further. At the same time, I knew she needed to understand.

"Betrayed," I said quietly, looking directly at Tom.

"Don't tell me," he said, motioning to Bella. "Tell her."

I knew that if there was ever a forum to tell Bella what I thought, now was the place and time.

"Bella," I said, looking directly at her. She looked up timidly to meet my gaze, and I saw fear in her eyes. She was afraid to hear what I had to tell her, but it needed to be said. "Your behavior over the last few weeks has quite frankly scared the hell out of me. I didn't know you when you were at your worst, as far as the anxiety goes. I've only gotten a glimpse of what it's really like. I'm afraid for you. This stress you constantly feel is hurting you, and it's hurting the baby."

"I'm really okay," she said. "I promise. It's not bad like it used to be. I just get nervous sometimes."

"No, it's not just that you get 'nervous'. Please don't try to downplay it. When I came over to Charlie's to get you on Friday night, you were afraid of me. You thought I was going to hit you. How could you ever think that?"

"Because I messed up royally. I deserved it."

"You can't say shit like that, Bella! I would never hurt you, and the fact that you refuse to see that tells me that something is seriously wrong!" I exclaimed, still stunned at her nonchalance at the idea of me hitting her.

As the trademark tears began to form in Bella's eyes, Dr. Whitlock interjected. "I understand that there was a time in your life that when you made a mistake you were hit, even beaten. It would be very detrimental for you to dwell on those memories and distrust people around you now."

"But I was wrong," Bella argued. "He would have had every right. I deserved it!"

I gaped at her in silence as Tom continued. "Would you have felt better if he had hit you?"

"Yes," she said plainly.

_What?_

"Bella, could you please elaborate on that for us?" Tom asked calmly.

"It was all my fault. I didn't listen to Edward, and I was wrong. I know he would never cheat on me, but I let myself think the most awful things. I treated him so bad…" she trailed off, dabbing at her eyes with the tissue Tom quickly provided her.

I was in absolute shock, and very relieved that Tom was there. While I was about to lose all composure, Tom kept his expression neutral.

"So you felt guilty?"

"Yes," she answered.

"And you felt like you deserved to be punished?"

"Yes," she answered again, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Have you ever thought of harming yourself?" I gasped at the question. The thought had never even entered my mind.

She paused then, her eyes darting back and forth between the two of us. I was afraid to hear her answer, but one look at her haunted expression told me I already knew.

My heart clenched when she finally spoke, so quietly, "Yes."

My jaw dropped as I took this in. The thought of Bella harming herself… until now it had been out of the realm of possibility. How blind I was.

"Have you considered suicide?"

Again, she answered so quietly I could barely hear her, "Yes."

_Oh God, _I thought. _What kind of husband am I that I didn't see that my own wife was so broken that she would actually consider suicide?_

"Have you ever attempted to take your own life?" Tom asked. I was almost appalled at how calmly he asked the question, as if any of this was normal. None of this was normal. This wasn't my wife. This didn't make any sense.

"No," she answered.

_Thank God._

"I just feel really sad sometimes, and a lot of times I feel trapped, like there's no way out. I just think that maybe things would be better if I wasn't around."

"Better for who?" asked Tom.

"Everyone."

As I opened my mouth to protest, to tell her how much I thought a life without her wasn't even worth living, Tom said, "I think you should step out Edward. I'd like to talk to Bella alone for a few minutes, then you and I can talk."

"Are you shitting me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. My wife just said that she felt like she would be better off dead sometimes, and he wanted me to leave?

"Edward," he said in a warning tone. I glared back at him, crossing my arms firmly over my chest and staying planted in my seat.

"It's okay, Edward. Please go. Just for a few minutes," Bella said, looking over at me with wide, sad eyes.

I clenched my fist in agitation, but relented. Bella's pleading eyes told me that this was what she wanted, and I knew Tom was here to help her. Before I left, I wrapped her in my arms tightly and nuzzled my face into her neck. "I love you," I whispered. "So fucking much."

She squeezed my hand tightly in response, and I left.

Tom's office was just outside his living room. I made my way to his couch and put my head in my hands.

For the first time in over four years, I cried. The last time was when Bella lay beaten and broken in a hospital bed, suffering the worst trauma of her life.

Even that wasn't as bad as the thought of losing her forever.

As I sat and sobbed, helpless and full of remorse, I felt the couch dip next to me. I looked up, slightly embarrassed at my display of emotion, to find Darcy looking at me sympathetically.

"Oh, darlin'," she drawled. "Do you wanna' talk about it?"

I looked away from her and shook my head, wiping my eyes quickly on the sleeve of my tee shirt.

"It's Bella, isn't it?" she asked. Responding to my silence, she continued. "You know, I'm not as dumb as I know I act sometimes. If you don't want to talk, that's okay, but I hope you'll listen to what I have to say anyway."

I stared studiously at the wall, trying to stop the traitorous flow of tears.

"I want you to know that Tom has told me nothing about Bella's situation. But as I said, I'm not stupid either. I see that poor girl walk in here week after week, looking absolutely broken. I know that life hasn't always been fair to her, and my heart breaks for her every time I look into her eyes.

"But I also know that every now and then, when y'all come around for dinner, you being there with her puts life into her eyes. I see how you are with her, so loving, so caring. You keep that poor girl together. She'd be lost without you, and I dare say that you'd be lost without her. It's a powerful thing you two share- plain as the day is long."

Feeling compelled to answer her, to say something, I whispered, "What if that isn't enough?"

"It is," she said, her voice leaving no room for doubt. "I may not know exactly what's going on behind those doors, but what I do know- what I believe- is that love conquers all. You just keep doing what you're doing, Edward. Be there for her. Listen to her. Above all, love her. I suspect that girl of yours needs you now more than ever."

With that, she wrapped her arms around me in a motherly embrace. I realized then just what I had been missing, how much I craved my mother to still be around so that I could confide in her.

I had so many regrets. I never really appreciated my mother, and I never treated her with the love and respect that she deserved. I just wish I had one more chance to thank her- for everything.

Tom walked out then, and motioned me to come in. Bella walked out and gave me a sad smile. "I'll be in the car," she said.

I reached my arms out as she tried to walk past and pulled her to me. She returned my embrace immediately, and we just silently held each other. No words were spoken yet, though I knew there was plenty to talk about.

As I walked into Tom's office, I refused to sit. I just stared at him expectantly. He took his seat behind his desk and said, "She's agreed to restart the medication. She also agreed that I could discuss what she and I went over with you."

I breathed a brief sigh of relief, knowing that was only a start. "She said she thought about killing herself," I said. "I didn't know. We have to do something!" I said with desperation in my voice.

"Before we get ahead of ourselves, let's talk about it. I talked to Bella in depth about her feelings. She was very open with me. She's never attempted suicide, or anything else to harm herself. It's my opinion that she is not actively suicidal."

"Your opinion?" I asked skeptically.

"My professional opinion, yes."

"I don't understand this," I admitted. "This is all a shock to me. She's always been a little shy, a little anxious, scared of her own shadow, but depressed? She never gave me any indication that she was."

"Well, I believe the feelings she's having are a direct result of her stopping her medication," he explained.

"But I don't understand. That medication is for her anxiety disorder, not depression."

Tom sighed. "A lot of times, the conditions go hand-in-hand," he explained. "The extreme anxiety she feels all the time leaves her with a feeling of helplessness, that leads her to feeling depressed. It's a vicious cycle. The medication that she was on treated both- anxiety and depression."

Frustrated, I flopped down into the chair across from him and tugged at the ends of my hair. "So the medication was masking her depression?"

"No, in a way, it was treating it. Without getting too scientific, Bella has a chemical imbalance in her brain. The medication helped with that, making her feel what you or I would call 'normal.'"

"But she was never depressed before- not like this."

"No, just not since you've known her. Since you've known her, she's been on some regimen of medication. Though it's changed overtime, these feelings never became apparent until she stopped taking medication altogether."

"So, you're saying she's depressed."

"She is exhibiting signs of depression, yes. My hope is that when she restarts her medication, she will start to feel better. However, you should know that it takes at least two weeks for the medication to take any real effect, so what I need from you is to watch her closely, and call me if she shows any abnormal behavior, or any indication that she plans to harm herself."

"And if she does?" I asked anxiously.

"Then we would have to consider inpatient treatment for her," he said, almost uncomfortably.

"She'd never agree to that," I argued. "Not after…" I thought about the horror stories she told me of the last inpatient facility she was in. It was an awful place, which I recently found out that had been closed down due to multiple violations. I never told Bella that, though. I was afraid that if I brought it up it would trigger bad memories for her.

"It wouldn't necessarily be voluntary. We have to think about her safety above all else."

"It would kill her," I argued. "You can't seriously consider this."

"It would be a last resort," he assured me. "Just keep me updated on how's she's doing."

"I will," I promised. "Is there anything I should look for?"

"Well, obviously if there are any overt threats, or even idle comments about death, I want you to call me immediately. However, in her case, as she is restarting a medication, I want you to specifically be on the lookout for any drastic changes in behavior. The medication I've prescribed will help stabilize her mood, but it shouldn't make her suddenly happy and ready to take on life. This may seem strange to you, but if Bella starts to act extremely happy, or even very content- as if she has no care in the world- I need you to call me right away."

"Why is that?" I asked nervously.

"Because when a person is legitimacy suicidal, they become very withdrawn. They are at war with themselves, because most of them don't necessarily want to die, they just see no other way to escape the pain they feel. It's been shown that sometimes, when a suicidal person feels content or happy, it's because they've come to terms with their decision to end their life, or they have finalized a plan to do so."

"That's horrifying," I said. "I can't even imagine."

"That is why I'm telling you what you need to look out for. Tell me, Edward, how are _you_ feeling about all of this?"

"How the fuck do you think I'm feeling?" I asked bitterly, crossing my arms over my chest in a defensive stance. "I feel fucking great. My wife is so sad about her life that she wants to kill herself. Fuck the rest of us who love her. None of that shit matters!" I couldn't believe he was actually sitting here asking me how I felt. Shouldn't it be obvious?

"So you feel angry?"

"Of course I'm fucking angry," I sneered at him. "I've done nothing but love that woman, and it seems nothing I do is good enough." Softer, I said, "I can't believe that I'm actually having this conversation right now. I never thought that I'd ever have to deal with something like this."

"Everything you're feeling is absolutely justified. However, you need to stay strong to get her through this."

"I know," I said. "And I will."

"I have no doubt. Listen, you have my number if you need anything. If you have any questions, concerns, or just need to talk, call me day or night, okay?" He paused for a second, eying me intently, then said. "Unless there's something else you want to talk about now?"

There was. There was something eating at me since we first walked in the door. Something I was ashamed to even admit to myself. I needed to get it off my chest.

"I feel guilty," I admitted. "Because I'm starting to believe that we made the wrong decision by keeping this baby. I knew it would be hard for her, but I didn't know it would be this bad."

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"Because I was so blinded by the thought of being a father, I ignored all the signs around me. How did it get this bad without my noticing?"

Tom sighed. "Bella is very good at hiding her true emotions. I suspect that she learned that when she was a child and was punished, sometimes brutally, for showing signs of weakness. That is why you didn't notice."

"But she's not a child anymore," I protested. "I thought we'd gotten past this."

"Her past will always be part of her. When she is at her worst, it will always come back to haunt her. It's part of her."

"I've been so fucking blind," I groaned.

"You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. As I said earlier, she fooled me as well. The important thing is now we both know, and we both will watch her closely to make sure she doesn't hurt herself or the baby. As far as the guilt you feel for reconsidering the choice to have the baby, that is something you need to work thorough, and quickly, before it's too late. Talk to Bella."

"Thanks," I said. I stood and reached across the desk to shake his hand. As I made my way out to the car, back to Bella, I did my best to calm my emotions. I felt like I was breaking down inside, but I couldn't let it show.

I needed to stay strong for her.

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><p><strong>AN- **Questions, comments, concerns, criticisms? I'm dying to hear from you! I'm not normally one to beg for reviews... but please? Pretty please?


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10- Weeks 15-17**

_Week 15_

A week after our appointment with tom, things were still tense between Bella and me. I watched her like a hawk, which I'm sure annoyed her to no end. I wasn't sorry. I hated what I had to do, but she gave me ample reason not to trust her.

I made her take her pills in front of me. I didn't go so far as to check her mouth when she was finished, but I insisted she take them with water and made sure she swallowed.

I told Charlie about the situation too. Bella was pissed when I did, but I knew it was necessary. I asked that he check on her every day around lunch, during his usual midday patrols. He all too readily complied. Bella was furious when she found out.

I also called her twice a day between classes. She only started picking up the phone regularly when she realized how relentless I could be. My constant nagging tied up the work line we had set up in her office, so she had no choice but to pick up. Now when she answered, she'd just say, "I'm fine," and hang up on me. It was still a relief to hear her voice.

At home, the tension was thick. Bella barely spoke to me. We didn't touch, kiss or make love. I feared for our relationship, I feared for Bella's well being, and I feared for the health and safety of our baby.

Tonight we had a family dinner planned at Charlie's house. Bella and I argued over it throughout the week. She didn't want to go. Emmett, Rose and Emma would be there, along with Alice and Jasper. Bella was thoroughly convinced that our siblings and their spouses would judge her, that they somehow knew what we had gone through the week prior. Charlie called her and promised her that he hadn't told anyone about her situation, but Bella remained skeptical.

After much pleading, Bella finally agreed to go, only after I promised her to take her back home immediately if anyone acted strange or judgmental toward her.

I was looking forward to seeing Alice. We hadn't seen her or Jasper since they left for school, and they were coming home for the weekend. They knew Bella was pregnant, but that was all. Our private affairs remained private.

On the ride over, Bella stared quietly out the window. She looked fairly calm, but I could sense her anxiety. Athena was lying across the backseat, staring intently at her, whining every now and then. Even she could sense the tension.

When we pulled up to Charlie's house, I noticed Bella's grip tighten on the door handle. I leaned over and kissed her cheek, but she shrugged away from me. I sighed and got out to retrieve the dog.

"Edward!" Alice squealed, spotting us from Charlie's porch. She ran up and launched herself at me and I hugged her back warmly. "Hey sis," I said. She looked well- bright eyed and happy. Jasper followed behind and shook my hand. Bella gave Alice a tentative hug, and Alice gushed over how good Bella looked, but I knew she was lying to make her feel better.

Bella's eyes were dark underneath and her hair hung limp and lifeless. She wore loose clothes because she had gained a few pounds, though she didn't exactly look pregnant. She just looked… broken.

Emmett and Rose were already inside trying to calm a squealing Emma and Charlie and Sue were in the kitchen finishing dinner. Bella approached Emma quietly and stared at her for a few moments, before asking Rosalie timidly, "Can I pick her up?"

This was a first for Bella. She never held Emma, even when she was a baby. She always said she was afraid to drop her. I watched her closely as she leaned down tentatively and picked up the baby. She looked beautiful in that moment, holding the child, though she was so unsure of herself. She stood still as a statue, afraid to move.

Rosalie smiled gently at Bella and asked, "Do you want to play with her?"

"I… I don't know how," Bella said warily.

"I'll help you," Rosalie insisted. "Come on." I watched as Rosalie took Emma from Bella's arms and sat her down on a large play mat surrounded by colorful blocks. I watched with a small smile as Bella hesitantly helped Emma stack blocks. I could see the fear in her eyes. Bella knew nothing about children. I wanted to go to her, comfort her, but I knew Rosalie had it under control.

Instead, I grabbed a beer from the cooler Charlie had set up by the back door. I called Athena out with me and sat out in the back yard alone, on one of Charlie's loungers. I silently sipped my beer, contemplating the last week.

A few minutes into the silence, I heard the sliding glass door open and shut, and watched out of the corner of my eye as Charlie flopped down into the lounger next to me.

"How's she doing," he asked me. "Really?"

"Sad, angry, lashing out," I answered honestly. "I think she's starting to hate me."

"She could never hate you," Charlie murmured. "She's probably just mad at herself."

"Maybe," I muttered, taking a pull of my beer.

"You know, she's lucky to have you, son," he said, looking straight into my eyes. "A lesser man would have left by now."

No more words were spoken after that. We both just stared out into the tree line, watching the light slowly fade away.

* * *

><p><em>Week 16<em>

"Bella?" I called through her office door. "It's almost time to go."

She didn't respond, but I heard shuffling behind the door, and then it opened. She looked at me, slightly confused.

"You're coming with me?"

I cocked my head a little at her. "Of course I'm coming with you." It was time for our second ultrasound. I was anxious to see how the baby was doing, craving to see it's tiny body on the screen. I needed proof, validation. I needed to remind myself that this was all worth it. Why wouldn't I want to share this with her?

"Oh, okay. I just thought…"

"Thought what?" I asked.

"Nothing, never mind," she answered. "I'm ready."

I had arranged for a sub for all my afternoon classes so I could take Bella to her appointment. When we got to the driveway, I opened the passenger door for her, and she got in. Once inside the drivers seat, I reached for her hand, but she pulled away again.

I sighed. Things were no better between us. It was almost two weeks before she was back on her medication, but I saw no improvement. She was still jumpy, unsure, and isolating herself from everyone, including me.

_Give it time, _I urged myself. I didn't know how much more I could take.

In the exam room, Bella was asked to put on a paper gown. I offered to help, but she shrugged me off. She turned her back to me as she changed.

The exam table was high. I offered her my hand to help her up, but she insisted on jumping up there herself.

I tugged at the roots of my hair in frustration as we waited for Dr. Carmen. When she finally came, I was grateful for the break in the silence.

She asked all the routine questions. _Prenatal vitamins? Yes. Cramping? No. Bleeding? No. Morning sickness. Gone. Cravings. Sometimes._

Bella gave only one-word answers.

The internal exam was the worst. I knew that Bella hated them, and I wanted to be there to hold her and talk to her while it was happening, to try to ease her stress. But she didn't want me this time. I could see clearly the pain in her eyes as the exam started, but she didn't want me to comfort her. Why was she pushing me away?

When it finally came time for the ultrasound, I asked if we would be able to find out the sex of the baby. Dr. Carmen said it was a possibility, but unlikely. She asked Bella if she wanted to know as well if it could be seen. Bella only shrugged.

Dr. Carmen passed the wand over Bella's tiny baby bump, and the grainy image appeared. My mouth dropped open.

The screen clearly showed our baby's head, it's tiny body, it's little ears and eyes… it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. Dr. Carmen clicked a button on the screen then, and I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

Thumpa-thumpa-thumpa… the fluttering of a heartbeat.

I looked anxiously at Bella, to see if she was sharing in my awe. Silent tears were streaming down her face, and I reached to brush them away. She didn't cringe away from me this time.

"Happy tears?" I asked gently.

She nodded. "He…she… it's so beautiful…" she whispered.

I couldn't fight it anymore. I didn't care if she tried to pull away. I leaned across her and kissed her lips with everything I had in me. She didn't kiss me back, but she didn't turn her head either. It was a start.

Maybe things would be okay.

* * *

><p><em>Week 17<em>

I stared at the framed image of the ultrasound on my desk, lost in thought. The doctor wasn't able to tell us whether it was a boy or a girl just yet, but we had another appointment scheduled in a month, and we were told we would almost assuredly know by then.

After the rare intimate moment we shared in the exam room, Bella went back to shutting me out. Her medication should have taken effect by now, but she still seemed so lost and broken, refusing all help. She kept her appointments with Tom, she continued to take her medication, but she still wandered around like a lost soul.

A knock on my office door snapped me out of my thoughts, and I looked up to see Ben standing in the doorway. "You look like you've had a rough day," he commented.

"Yeah, something like that," I muttered.

He came closer to where I was sitting and looked at the framed picture of the ultrasound. He smiled gently and said, "That's a nice lookin' kid you got there."

"Thanks."

"So uh, you up for drinks with me and Angie? It's been a while since we've hung out."

I realized that was exactly what I needed. I pulled out my phone to call Bella.

"I'm fine," she snapped when she picked up. This time she didn't hang up right away.

"I'm going out with Ben and Angie after work. Did you want to come?"

"No," she said shortly.

"Okay, I'll see you later," I said. "I love you."

There was a click on the other end. I clenched my fists. "Drinks?" I half-growled at Ben. He gave me a sympathetic look.

Once at Waylon's I started ordering straight shots. I was never much of a drinker, but I felt a strong urge to just forget for a while, so I did.

Ben and Angie were prattling on about work gossip and their perfect happy lives.

After a couple of hours of heavy drinking on my part, Ben said, "Okay, Edward, I think you've had enough."

"I'm fucking fine," I growled, rising from my seat. I felt the room sway a little, but ignored the sensation. I just wanted another drink. I slammed my fist down at the bar to summon the bartender, but it was Waylon who showed up in front of me.

"Edward, man. You've had enough."

"I could never have enough," I slurred. "Do you know what a clusterfuck my life is right now? Get me another fucking drink!"

"Edward, let Ben take you home. Please?" I knew Waylon would never forcibly remove me from the bar, but out of respect for my former employer I finally conceded. I didn't want to make a scene in the bar.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I whipped my head around to see it was only Ben. I shrugged him off and stormed out towards the door. Ben followed me out while Angie stayed behind to pay the tab. I hoped I would remember to pay them back.

I don't remember exactly what happened on the ride home, but I remember letting my feelings fly. I prattled on and on about how unfair it was that Bella was pushing me away at a time in our lives that should have been the happiest. I was angry, yelling, and venting all my frustrations out during the short ride to my house.

Ben and Angie showed only concern for me in their expressions as they helped me out of the car- there was no judgment in their eyes. It felt so good to vent to people completely outside the situation. It felt freeing.

As Ben pulled up in front of my house, he hesitated. "Do you really think you should go in there like this? You can come back to our place to sober up a little first?"

"I need to talk to my wife," I grumbled, ripping the door open and stumbling out of the car. Ben rushed out to meet me on my side and put his arm around my shoulders to steady me. Angie followed behind as Ben walked me to the door and knocked hesitantly on it. Athena started barking.

"I have a key," I muttered, fishing in my pockets. "Somewhere…"

When Bella opened the door, her eyes widened in shock. "Oh my God, Edward. Are you okay?"

"What the fuck do you care?" I snapped, stumbling past her and towards the fridge. I pulled a beer from the bottom shelf and downed it in seconds. I could hear Bella talking to Ben and Angie in the foyer. _What a lovely way for them to make introductions, _I thought dryly_._

Bella came back to the kitchen, where I was half hanging over the breakfast bar, sipping my second beer. "Don't you think you've had enough?" she asked, her voice small.

"Enough," I muttered. "It's never enough. I'm never enough."

"What do you mean by that?"

I glared at her. "Don't act like you don't know."

"I don't know," she argued. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I stared at her for a second and walked away, towards Alice's room. I opened the door for the first time since Alice left.

Alice left very few things. There were just the bare items of furniture and a couple of posters on the wall. I ripped them down and crumpled them in my hands.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked frantically.

"This is supposed to be our fucking nursery," I said angrily. "We should be decorating it and picking out fucking furniture and toys, and fucking celebrating. Instead we do this shit every fucking day."

"What shit?"

"Are you blind Bella? Or do you think I'm stupid. You don't fucking love me anymore!" I screamed, slamming my fist down on the dresser.

"What?" she asked, shock on her face. "How could you think that?"

"How could I not? You push me away. You won't touch me. You don't even tell me anymore. You used to tell me every night. You used to say in case anything happened during the night, you always wanted the last thing you said to me to be 'I love you'. Do you know how long it's been since I heard that?"

"Oh my God," she whispered. Her face was red and tears were flowing. I watched her rush out of the room, and I faintly heard the sound of her vomiting in the bathroom. I doubted it was the morning sickness returning. She was legitimacy sick this time. But I couldn't bring myself to go to her.

Instead, I flopped down angrily on the bare mattress that used to be Alice's bed, and that was the last thing I remembered about that night.

When I woke up, my head was pounding and my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. I groaned and rolled over, squinting my eyes against the light. When they finally came to focus, I noticed a glass of water with two small white pills sitting next to it. _Tylenol, _I thought. _Bless her. _

Propped up against the water glass was a folded note with my name on it. Suddenly fear consumed me as I remembered the events of the night before, and the way I spoke to her, and yelled at her. I wondered if she would ever forgive me.

I unfolded the note warily, fearing what she had to say. My eyes began to tear as I read it, remorse filling me.

_I'm sorry, _was all the note said.

I released it, watching it float to the ground as I thought, _Oh God, me too._

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN- **_So Edward finally let it out- it was a long time coming, so don't be too mad at him!

Please leave a review and let me know what you think!_  
><em>


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11- Week 20**

It was the second week of November the next time I saw Vicky. I was pumping gas at the corner station on the way to pick up Bella for her next ultrasound appointment.

Vicky was filling up at the pump next to me. She gave me a sinister smile that turned my stomach. The woman made me incredibly uneasy, and I stopped pumping my gas when the tank was barely half full, just to get the hell out of there.

I blamed that awful woman for a lot of the problems between Bella and me. Granted, it was Bella's dishonesty and my inability to communicate that accounted for the bulk of our issues, but to me Vicky was the catalyst to our downward spiral, and that was unforgivable.

Since my meltdown three weeks prior, Bella and I worked through our problems. She forgave me for blowing up at her immediately, even saying that she was glad I did, because it gave her the reality check she needed.

_3 Weeks Earlier_

_I stumbled out of Alice's room, wincing against the light streaming through the windows. I found Bella sitting in the kitchen sipping some orange juice. When she saw me, she got to her feet slowly and asked cautiously, "Hey… how are you feeling?"_

"_I've been better," I answered honestly. _

"_Oh, um… do you want breakfast?" she asked._

"_No, thanks. Can we talk though?"_

"_I think we should," she responded, eyes downcast._

_I sat down next to her and we both stared at each other for a moment. _

"_I'm sorry," we both said in unison. I motioned for her to go first._

"_I did a lot of thinking last night, when you were… out of commission."_

"_I'm sorry," I started to apologize again, but she raised a hand to cut me off._

"_I'm glad you yelled at me. You said some things that I really needed to hear. I didn't realize how badly I've been acting towards you. You didn't deserve any of that."_

"_I thought you were mad at me."_

"_Not at you. I was mad at myself. Yes, it was irritating that you were constantly checking up on me, and watching me take my medication, and sending my dad out to check on me, but all of that was my fault. If I had acted responsibly in the first place, and if I was honest with you, you wouldn't have had to do any of that. Really, I was mad at myself and I was taking it out on you. I'm so sorry."_

When she paused to allow me to respond, I said, "And I shouldn't have gone out drinking instead of coming home. I shouldn't have yelled at you, whether you think you deserved it or not. I was just frustrated. I shouldn't have drank so much. Can you forgive me for that?"

"_I told you I wasn't mad about that. If drinking and venting was what you needed to finally scream some sense into me, then that's fine. You look like hell though."_

"_I feel like hell," I said. After a pause, I asked, "Are we okay? Are we going to be?"_

_She took my hand and squeezed it, the first contact she initiated in weeks. It felt heavenly. "I hope so," she whispered. _

I forgave Bella also, for shutting me out for so many weeks and ignoring me. She told me that she had just been floating along mostly, not even realizing she was doing it.

So since then, we were both making a solid effort in keeping our relationship alive. Bella expressed that she felt helpless and depressed, and her anxiety was worse than ever. She loved the unborn child insider her, so much in fact that she was literally making herself sick with worry about doing something wrong.

Once she started openly expressing her fears, her nightmares returned. Tom assured both of us that it was far healthier to face the fears and deal with the nightmares, than to return to suppressing them.

Her nightmares were quite frankly terrifying. She never told me exactly what they were about, just that they were painful for her. The only thing she ever really told me was that they were about her mother.

Even though Bella wouldn't really describe her nightmares in detail to me, I took great comfort in the fact that she allowed me now to hold her and caress her back to sleep when the nightmares were the worst.

Bella still struggled, every day, warring with her feelings about becoming a mother. However, through intense discussions, I knew that both of us were in absolute agreement that having this child was what we wanted.

Personally, I couldn't wait to be a father. I watched Bella's tummy grow and swell every day with absolute adoration. I never thought it was possible to love Bella more than I already did, but watching her carrying my child made my heart ache with love.

Things were so much easier now that she was letting me in.

As I pulled up in front of our house, I saw that Bella was waiting for me on the porch. As she stepped into the sunlight, all the disgusted, uneasy feelings that Vicky gave me simply vanished.

She was a vision- her brown hair shining in the light, showing off the subtle red highlights. Her eyes were deep and brown, and shining with excitement as she hurried to the car. I kissed her with fervor, and she responded enthusiastically.

"I can't believe we're about to find out!" she breathed, rubbing her hand over her belly. I put my arm around her and pulled her as close to me as the car console would allow. She happily snuggled into my side.

Today we were going to find out the sex of the baby. Afterward, I planned to surprise Bella to taking her to a large baby supply store in Port Angeles so we could pick out furniture for the nursery, and treat her to a nice dinner. She'd had such a hard time lately, and she deserved a little happiness. We both did.

This appointment went so much better than the last. Bella was very relaxed, which made me relax as well. For the first time in many weeks, we were both truly happy, and truly hopeful for the future.

I helped Bella dress in the ugly paper gown she was provided, and lifted her reverently onto the exam table. When I was sure she was completely comfortable, I gave her a brief, but tender kiss and caressed her growing belly. As I took my place next to her, I grasped her hand, and she gave me a smile that warmed my heart.

"Wow, Bella. You are positively glowing," Dr. Carmen commented as she came into the room.

"I feel really good today," Bella said, smiling.

"That's great. Are you two ready to find out the sex then?"

We both nodded eagerly. As Dr. Carmen set up the ultrasound, she said, "Let's just hope he or she is cooperating today."

I squeezed Bella's hand, anxious to find out.

"Okay you two…" Dr. Carmen said, examining the screen. "Last chance to change your minds."

"No, we want to know," Bella said.

"It's a girl," she said triumphantly. "Congratulations mom and dad."

"Wow," I breathed, kissing Bella on the cheek. I pointed to the screen. "That's our daughter, baby. Are you happy?"

She bit her bottom lip and nodded, so overcome with emotion she was unable to form words.

Dr. Carmen finished her exam and happily informed us that everything was progressing as planned. Our baby- _our daughter- _was a good size and Bella had gained a healthy amount of weight. The heartbeat was strong and everything about our little girl was normal.

For all the drama we had experienced over the last few weeks, hearing that Bella was growing a healthy baby girl erased it all. We left the office, smiling, happy, and possibly more in love than ever.

~~ID~~

Bella was absolutely elated when I told her of my plan to take her shopping for the nursery. Now that we knew the sex of the baby, Bella was vibrating with joy and sharing her ideas on how to decorate the nursery.

I wanted to call Charlie and tell him the good news, but Bella insisted that we tell him in person. Since Emmett and Alice were in Seattle, we called them. When Alice heard the news, I could hear her squealing from the drivers seat as Bella held the phone from her ear, chuckling. Emmett was more subdued, but he told us congratulations and that he was really happy for us. I could hear in his voice that he meant every word. Even though he was already a father himself, I could tell that he was excited about being an uncle too.

Bella wanted to eat at a little place called Bella Italia. It was a nice place, but not too fancy. It usually wasn't too crowded, and that always made Bella happy.

I pulled her chair out for her when we were brought to our table and she smiled sweetly at me. She ordered the mushroom ravioli and I ordered the chicken parmesan. As we ate, we discussed names. I hadn't really thought of a name for our baby yet. It was all becoming very real, very fast.

"I have an idea," Bella said, after we passed back and forth a few common names. We both frowned on the usual, _Jennifer, Jessica, Lindsay, Brittany, Lauren... _ None of them sounded right. Bella asked if I wanted to name her after my mother or sister, but I told her I thought the names 'Esme' and 'Alice' were a little old fashioned.

"What've you got?" I asked eagerly.

"You're probably going to think it's stupid…" she said, trailing off and looking away.

"That's highly unlikely," I answered.

"Umm… Carlie?" she said as more of a question.

"Hmm," I said, taking the name in.

"Oh god, you hate it right? It was dumb, I was thinking like something after Charlie maybe, and your dad was Carlisle, so I thought Carlie could be kind of a cross between the two of them. It's dumb, I know, I'll keep thinking."

I reached across the table and grasped her hand firmly. She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and I stared directly in to them and said firmly, "I love it."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Baby Carlie. Charlie's going to flip when we tell him."

She shot me a dazzling smile. "How about Alice for a middle name?"

"You think so?"

"Yeah, she did kind of bring us together."

"Carlie Alice Cullen," she murmured.

"It's perfect," I said. "Just like her mother."

Bella blushed a little. We finished our meal in perfect contentment.

After dinner we walked over to the local baby shop. It was a cool night, but the walk wasn't far. As soon as we walked in the door, Bella looked at me anxiously.

"What's wrong?" I asked, putting my arm around her.

"Just because it's a girl doesn't mean we have to make the room pink, does it?"

I chuckled at her. "Nope. You can paint the room puke green if you want as long as it makes you happy. But please don't."

She pushed me playfully and we went straight to the furniture. Bella picked out a beautiful wooden set stained a light oak color. She asked if we could paint the walls lavender, and I told her I thought it was perfect. After she went back and forth, making sure everything was just right, she asked if I could check if the set was in stock.

I made my way to the register and placed an order for the set, arranging for it to be delivered in the morning. I had to pay an extra fee because we had to have it delivered all the way to Forks, but I didn't want Bella driving her truck all the way out to Port Angeles to pick it up in the morning, so I figured the extra money was worth it.

As I made my way back to Bella, who was now browsing the baby supplies, I saw _her._

Seeing Vicky twice in one day seemed like more than just a coincidence. Especially when the second time was in a store for babies, where she probably had no business being.

I saw Vicky was moving towards Bella's location, and I quickened my pace. Bella was looking down at a brochure as she walked, not paying attention to where she was going. As if in slow motion, I saw Vicky approach Bella and stick her foot out subtly. Bella tripped and fell into a cabinet, scattering packets of baby wipes on the floor around her. Thankfully, she was able to keep her footing.

Full on running now, I reached them just as I heard Bella saying, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't see you. Obviously Bella didn't realize that she had been tripped.

"Yeah, maybe you should watch where you're going, tubby," Vicky sneered at her. I clenched my fists in rage.

"You," I said, looking straight at her. "Get the fuck away from my wife."

"Edward!" Bella gasped, turning red.

"No, I'm serious. I told you if you came around again I'd have you fucking arrested. What are you doing here?"

"Edward, it's no big deal, really," Bella said frantically.

Ignoring her, I said, "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"Mind your own business," Vicky said angrily. "I'm shopping."

"Right," I said. "Get the hell away from us."

Vicky held her hands up in mock surrender and walked away. Bella pulled me aside and whispered, "What the hell was that about?"

"That was the woman."

"What woman?"

"_The_ woman, Bella. The one from Parents Night. I watched her trip you."

Bella's mouth formed a tiny 'o' shape. "I don't think she tripped me. I wasn't watching where I was going. I'm always running into things."

"I saw her do it," I argued. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I promise. I just fell into the shelf, but nothing's hurt."

"We should get out of here," I said. "Are you finished shopping."

Bella nodded, biting her lower lip. We paid for our purchases quickly. I looked around us as we walked to the car, but saw no sign of Vicky.

"You're being paranoid," Bella said, sensing my anxiety. For once, it was her trying to calm me down.

"She gives me the creeps," I admitted. "This is the second time I've seen her today, and I haven't seen her in the last month. I don't like the way she looked at you. I don't like the way she looks at me. I don't know what her problem is, but she makes me uneasy and I don't want you near her."

Bella frowned at me, but didn't argue further. I could tell that she still thought I was overreacting. Maybe I was.

I promised Bella I would take her to Charlie's house so we could tell him the news about the baby. When he met us at the door, he had a huge smile on his face. He ushered us into the living room, where Sue was waiting anxiously as well.

"So don't keep us in suspense," Charlie said as we all sat down. "What's the big news."

Bella smiled widely. "So you know we had another ultrasound today, and the doctor said the baby is perfect."

"That's good news baby," Charlie said.

"And, it's a girl," Bella continued.

"Wow, really? Congratulations guys. Are you happy about that?"

I smiled slightly, still shaken from the events in Port Angeles. "I didn't really care what it was, so long as it was healthy," I answered.

"There's more, Charlie," Bella said.

"Oh?"

"We picked out a name for her. It's Carlie."

"Carlie, huh?"

"Yes," Bella said. "It's a cross between Carlisle and Charlie."

Charlie's eyes lit up and his smile grew wide. "Wow, thanks kid."

"She'll be Carlie Alice," I clarified, guessing what their next question would be.

"It's perfect!" Sue gushed.

"That's what we thought too," Bella said.

I seemed to be the only one in the room not overcome with joy at the moment, so I politely excused myself to the kitchen. I paced back and forth, thinking about Vicky and what I needed to do to keep her away from me- and Bella. Maybe Bella was right, maybe it was just a coincidence and I was just overreacting.

But when it came to the safety of Bella and Carlie, I wasn't going to take any chances.

Charlie came in to check on me a few minutes later.

"You okay, son?"

"I'm fine," I said. "I'm sorry, I just needed a minute."

"Things okay with you and Bella?" he asked, frowning.

"Better than they have been in a long time," I assured him.

"So what's the problem, son?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose in an effort to calm my nerves, I said, "I need to talk to you about a restraining order."

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><p><strong>AN- Thanks to everyone still reading and reviewing. Reviews seriously make my day, so please let me know what you think!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12- Week 20**

_Pinching the bridge of my nose in an effort to calm my nerves, I said, "I need to talk to you about a restraining order."_

"I'm listening," Charlie said, staring fixedly on me.

I explained to him about the confrontation we had with Vicky at the store. Though he looked a little concerned, I could tell that he had quickly shifted to cop mode.

"You sure you saw her trip Bella?"

"Positive," I said firmly.

"Hmm," Charlie said, frowning. "Honestly son, from what you've described, there really isn't much ground for a restraining order."

"But she assaulted me," I argued, thinking back to the awful night in the parking lot at the school.

"That was two months ago," said Charlie. "You didn't press charges then, though I probably wouldn't have either. You haven't seen her since then. This thing today- well honestly it could be construed as an accident."

"It wasn't."

"Tell you what," Charlie said with a sigh. "When I go in tomorrow, I'll do a background check on her, see if there's anything to be concerned about. In the meantime, if anything else happens, just let me know."

"Okay, I'd appreciate it," I said.

"Edward?" Bella asked, sticking her head in the kitchen door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart," I lied.

"Okay. Are you ready to go? It's getting kind of late."

"Yeah, I'm ready," I answered. As we were leaving, Bella hugged both Charlie and Sue warmly. I gave Sue a hug and shared an awkward one-armed man hug with Charlie.

"I'll call you after work tomorrow," Charlie told me.

Once we were settled in the car, Bella turned to me. "What was that about?" she asked.

"What?" I answered, feigning ignorance.

"You just up and disappeared on me, and then Charlie said he was going to call you tomorrow? What was that about?"

"Bella, I'm worried about this Vicky woman. I know you think what happened at the store was an accident, but I don't. Then she was just downright mean to you."

"She was… but why are you this upset about it?"

"Because I don't think it was a coincidence," I answered. "She had no reason to be in that store. I'm afraid she followed us or something."

"Maybe she was shopping for a baby shower gift, Edward? I know I'm usually the one to panic about the small stuff, so I have absolutely no room to talk, but I think you might be overreacting."

"That may be," I relented. "But please, just do me a favor and be careful. If you see her, just let me know. Don't talk to her. Please?"

"Okay," she said. "I don't think I'd go out of my way to talk to her anyway. She's kind of… strange."

"That's an understatement," I muttered under my breath.

~~ID~~

The next day at work went pretty well. I was especially proud of my Advanced Band class as they began to prepare for the annual winter concert. These kids had so much heart, and it was truly inspiring.

When I came home later that day, excited to share their progress with Bella, I was surprised to find her in our bedroom with an open suitcase full of clothes.

"Are we going somewhere?" I asked with a frown.

"_We_ aren't," Bella said with a sigh. "I have to go to Seattle."

"You don't usually pack this much when you go," I commented. She had to go to Seattle every one to two months for meetings and such, so that wasn't too much of a surprise, but usually she just took an overnight bag, not a whole suitcase.

"I have to go for two weeks this time."

"Two weeks!" I exclaimed. "You've never had to go that long. What is going on?"

"Remember that author who was creating a series. The one I was working on a few weeks ago?"

"Yeah, the asshole. You told me you weren't going to edit for him anymore." I realized with all the drama surrounding Bella's pregnancy and medication, I had forgotten about the promise she made to call her boss and switch contracts.

"No, I said I would call Mr. Hale, which I did. He called the author personally, who said he wouldn't hassle me anymore, and any issues he had he would take them to Mr. Hale, not me."

"You didn't tell me any of that," I said.

"In my defense, we were both a little distracted."

"True," I said. "So why do you have to go?"

"Because the first few books are done. The first one is ready to be published. We're having a bunch of meetings with him, me, his agent, cover artists… it's going to be a lot of work."

"Isn't your end pretty much done?"

"Yes, but they still want me there, as part of the 'team,'" she said, using air quotes. I could tell she wasn't particularly happy about having to go either.

"I don't want you to go," I said. "You shouldn't be alone for that long."

"I won't be alone," she said. "I'm staying with Rose and Em. Besides, I think it will be good for me to spend some time with Emma. I have so much to learn…" she bit her lower lip nervously.

"You are going to be a great mother," I assured her, wrapping my arms around her. "I just don't want you to go. I'm selfish. I want to keep you here with me."

"It's only a couple of weeks," she said, leaning up to kiss my neck. "We'll be okay. Besides, you can visit on the weekend."

"If that asshole does or says anything to you, I want you to call me right away. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"It'll be fine," she said. "Besides, I have my little big brother over there to protect me." I chuckled at her nickname for Emmett that she often used. Even though Emmett was younger than her, he towered over her by almost a foot.

"I don't want you driving the truck there."

"What? Why not? Of course I'll drive my truck there."

"Bella, I can't stand the thought of you breaking down on the side of the road by yourself. Please take the Volvo. It's the safest car in the world."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me, but agreed. I was relieved, because I knew she loved her truck. Since I was already winning, I decided to push the subject a little.

"You know, when the baby's born, you need to get a new car anyway. You can't exactly put a car seat in that."

Bella frowned. "I love that truck, though. Charlie gave it to me. How would he feel if I just up and got rid of it?"

"He wants you to get rid of it too. That thing is a death trap! Why can't you see that? I know you don't drive that much, but I get physically ill every time you get in it, worrying something will happen to you."

"You do?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Of course I do," I sighed.

Bella sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her belly. "I guess Carlie can't really ride in it. But what am I going to tell Charlie?"

My phone ringing interrupted our conversation. Looking at the screen, I saw it was Charlie. "It's your dad, I said. I'm going to put an end to this right now." I put the phone on speaker before I picked it up.

"Hey, Charlie, I've got you on speakerphone with Bella. She has to ask you something."

"Hey, Bella," Charlie said.

"Um, Dad? I have a question," she said nervously. I couldn't believe how worried she was about selling the truck. I told her a hundred times that Charlie wouldn't care if she got rid of it, but she didn't listen.

"What is it?"

"I was thinking about umm… selling the truck you gave me… because you know… I can't really put a car seat in it or drive to Seattle or anything for work. Please don't be mad."

I heard a chuckle on the other end. "Bella, of course I wouldn't be mad," he said. "Actually I think it's a great idea. It doesn't make sense to keep that old beater around. I only got you that as a temporary thing anyway, because it was all I could afford at the time. I never expected you to get so attached to it. Get yourself a new car, baby. You deserve it, and you need it."

_See? _I mouthed at Bella. She rolled her eyes.

"Thanks, Dad. Everything okay over there?"

"Everything's great, Bella. I love you."

I put the phone off speaker and stepped out of the room. "Thanks, man," I said. "Did you find out anything today?"

"Nothing much," said Charlie. "Her name is Victoria Mallory. She's twenty-nine years old, never been married. She's got a couple of minor charges on her record from where she used to live in Texas. There was nothing major, and no violent crimes."

"What were the charges?"

"She was arrested for prostitution a couple of times in Houston. Umm, there was a petty theft charge I think, and a failure to appear in court for a traffic violation. Nothing major, like I said."

"Prostitution, there's a fucking shock," I said under my breath.

"Right now, it doesn't look like you have anything to worry about. She's not a violent offender. But if she bothers you again, or Bella, just let me know."

"Alright, thanks for checking up on her," I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. "Hey, Charlie, don't you think it's weird that she lived in Texas and just randomly moved to Forks- thousands of miles away? Does she have any family in the area?"

"I don't think so," Charlie answered. "I know pretty much everyone in town, but I guess it's possible."

"Anyway, thanks again."

"No problem. Have a good night."

"You too." We hung up, but I still wasn't satisfied. Granted, it was a relief that she didn't have much of a criminal record, but still, who just randomly moves to the middle of nowhere Washington State for no reason at all?

Something didn't add up.

~~ID~~

"Bella had to get up excessively early to make it to Seattle by nine, so I was half asleep when she leaned over me to kiss me goodbye.

"Mmm, don't go," I murmured, as I put my arms around her waist and pulled her down on top of me. Holding her tightly, I said, "Stay."

She giggled a little as she freed herself from my hold. "I'll text you when I get there," she said. "I love you."

"Love you more," I whispered against her lips as she bent to kiss me again.

When I heard the front door open, I called out to her, "Volvo, woman!" suddenly afraid she'd take her truck just to spite me.

"Got it!" she called back, and then I was alone.

I couldn't get fully back to sleep after she left, so I spent most of the morning walking around like a zombie, just barely getting through my classes. I wasn't really one to give my students busy work, but I found myself doing exactly that through most of the morning as I struggled to stay awake. I received a text from Bella around eight-thirty, informing me that she had gotten to Seattle okay, much to my relief.

I ate lunch with Ben and Angela, and when I told them I was planning on painting the nursery that afternoon, they both volunteered to help. I didn't really need help, but I knew it would be nice to not have to return to an empty house, so I accepted graciously.

I missed Bella already. I knew it would be only two days before I could see her for the weekend, but then there would be another week without her. I was also really worried about how her first meeting with the asshole went.

Angie and Ben both came over after work to help me paint. It only took a couple of hours before we were finished and sitting in the living room watching a movie and enjoying a couple of beers. Angie was cooing over the baby furniture that was stacked in boxes in the corner of the living room, while Ben and I talked idly about football. Bella finally called me around six o'clock, and I excused myself to my bedroom to take the call.

"Hey baby, how did it go with asshole author guy?"

Bella laughed. "His name is Eric Yorkie." I scoffed at the name as Bella continued, "Actually, it went really well. I know on the phone he was a real jerk to me, but in person he was kind of shy and insecure. I almost felt bad for him. He really didn't say much. He just kind of quietly listened as people critiqued his work. I actually kind of felt bad for the guy. I mean, he's really an amazing writer, but he has the social skills of my left foot. And that's really saying something coming from someone like me."

I laughed with her. "I'm glad it went okay. How are Emmett and Rose?"

"Ugh, I haven't even seen Emmett yet. As soon as I came back from work, Rosalie kidnapped me. Even better, she called in your sister to help."

"Umm… help with what?" I asked, confused.

"Apparently some sick 'Maternity Barbie' game. I'm miserable."

"Dammit, put Rose on the phone."

"Hellooo, Edward," Rosalie crooned.

"Would you lay off my wife please?"

"Oh relax," a voice said, but this time it was Alice's. I figured I was on speakerphone. "Bella needs some outfits for next week. Her clothes are barely fitting her as it is."

I rolled my eyes at this, knowing those two would take any excuse they could to go shop. Bella's clothes fit fine. She was a little round in her belly, obviously, but she remained fairly thin.

"Whatever," I said. "Just take care of her, please. Don't overdo it. She hates to shop."

"We know," Rosalie said.

"Love you!" Alice said in the background.

When Bella got back on the phone, I told her I loved her and not to let them overdo it. She promised she wouldn't.

The next day, Angie and Ben came over again after work, but this time, they were armed with two large shopping bags full of stuff.

"What's all this guys?" I asked, eyeing the packages.

"Some stuff for the room. Just some linens for the crib and some stuffed animals and a mobile for the baby," Angela said innocently.

I smiled. "Guys, you didn't have to do this."

"Well, you needed it," Ben said. "When Bella sees the room, we want it fully furnished." I smiled. I had really good friends.

"You guys need to be here for the big reveal," I said. "I can't thank you enough for the help."

They shrugged off my thanks and we got to work, finishing putting together all the furniture and getting the room ready for Bella to see. It was perfect, and I knew she'd love it.

When Saturday finally rolled around, I couldn't wait to get to Seattle. I drove faster than the son-in-law of a cop ever should have, but I couldn't wait to see my girl. When I finally made it to Rose and Emmett's house, I found Bella in the living room, holding Emma and smiling brightly.

"Edward!" Bella squealed, setting down Emma gently in her playpen and rushing to throw her arms around me. "Guess what I did?"

"What?" I asked, returning her embrace.

"I changed a diaper!" she exclaimed proudly, and I burst out laughing at her exuberance.

"That's great baby," I said through my laughter.

"Hey, don't laugh, man," Emmett said, coming up behind me and clapping me on the back. "Next time it's your turn." I turned to face him and noted his smug smile.

"Bite me," I muttered petulantly.

"Oh, come on, Edward," Rosalie chimed in. "You have to learn sometime."

Christ, she was right. We spent the weekend listening intently to Rosalie and Emmett's baby stories, absorbing everything we could from their personal experience. Bella was positively glowing, and I realized that maybe two weeks wouldn't be so bad. She was so much more comfortable with Emma now, and even though Emma was a toddler now, the experience Bella was gaining was invaluable. I knew there was a lot to learn, and I knew I had better get on it quick, as we were already halfway through the pregnancy.

Leaving Sunday night was hard for me, but I managed. I planned to read up on everything I could about being a parent to help pass the time until the next time I got to see my Bella.

On Monday morning, as I was driving to work, I made it onto the main road before I noticed a strange rattling noise coming from the driver's side of Bella's truck. Frustrated, as I was already running late, I pulled over to the shoulder and got out of the truck in the freezing rain to see what the problem was.

It wasn't hard to spot. The left front tire of Bella's truck was sitting at an odd angle, the lug nuts clearly loose. I crouched down to look more closely and notice that four of the nuts were _very_ loose, hanging on by just a couple threads, and one had vanished completely.

With a groan, I went to the bed of the truck where I knew Bella kept a jack and tire iron. As I jacked up the car, I wondered how that could have happened.

I heard a car pull up behind me and footsteps approaching. "Need some help, handsome?"

It was _her _voice. "Not from you," I growled, focusing on jacking the truck up so I could reset the tire and tighten the lug nuts.

"Aww, come on," Vicky said. "Don't be like that, baby."

"I'm not your fucking baby." I said to the tire, as I tightened it onto the wheel. She didn't leave. Finally, when I was finished, I stood up to face her. "What the fuck do you want?"

"I saw you on the side of the road, and I stopped to help. Is that so wrong?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at me.

"Look, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but I asked you to stay away from me, and I meant it."

"Okay," she said, throwing her hands up in mock defeat. "Have it your way. I was just trying to help."

I sat in the truck after she left, staring out into the rain. I knew there was no way the tire was an accident- that kind of shit didn't just happen. Then Vicky just happened to come across me, broken down on the side of the road. I knew that somehow, she had something to do with this.

Everyone thought I was overreacting, but this was just too much of a coincidence to ignore. I didn't know what the hell she wanted from me, and I was tired of her games.

Why the hell was she doing this?

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><p><strong>AN-** I just want to thank everyone who is reading this story. Please take a moment to review and let me know what you thought. Reviews mean the world to me!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Notes: **We're moving forward in time a bit. I hope you enjoy...

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><p><strong>Chapter 13- Weeks 22-32<strong>

**Week 22**

"And… open your eyes!" I said, releasing my hands from covering Bella's eyes. She looked around the new nursery in wonder, taking it all in.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's perfect. How did you…?"

"I had some help," I said. "Angie and Ben came over and helped me paint. They even bought the bed linens and that little mobile there for us."

"It's perfect!" she said, looking slowly around the room. "I need to thank them!"

"They're here, actually." Bella turned around to find Ben and Angie standing shyly in the doorway.

"Thank you!" Bella exclaimed, running into Angie's arms. Angie was surprised for a second, and then returned the embrace. Bella hugged Ben as well. "You shouldn't have done this guys."

"We wanted to do something nice for you," Ben said. "I know you guys have had a rough time with the pregnancy at first, and Edward's been so kind to befriend us and make us feel welcome here from the start. You both deserve a little happiness."

Bella brushed a few tears from her eyes and started to walk slowly around the room, touching everything lovingly. The room was bathed in lavender, with the light oak furniture she picked out. The crib and changing table had matching purple and white sheets, and Angie had even painted beautiful trim of white teddy bears around the ceiling. The entire room came together, pure, innocent, and beautiful.

After Bella and Angie finished gushing over every little detail in the room, I ordered dinner for all of us, and we sat down to eat. As I had suspected from the beginning, Bella and Angie hit it off immediately, delving into their love of all things English language. They talked about Angie's students, Bella's editing, and a few of their favorite classics. Most of what they discussed was Greek to me, but I enjoyed seeing Bella so happy and carefree. I figured this was the beginning of a great friendship for them. Bella even apologized for not going out with us and said that she regretted it. Angie brushed off her apology as if it were nothing.

As Ben and Angie were about to leave for the night, Angie wrapped Bella in a hug and I overheard her say, "Bella, I know your sisters are in Seattle, so if you ever need some girl time or something, I'll be around. Just call me."

"I will," Bella promised. I couldn't help but keep the smug grin off my face. I wanted to pump my fist and chide, _I told you so, _but I kept that to myself.

After Ben and Angie left for the night, Bella and I curled up on the couch and just talked. Even though she had only been gone for two weeks, and even though I saw her on the weekends, I missed her terribly.

She told me about her trip, her job, and her family. Overall, she had had a good couple of weeks, but I was relieved to have her back home. I couldn't help but worry about her when she wasn't around.

I couldn't help but notice as she talked animatedly to me that she seemed much more happy and comfortable, more like the Bella I remembered from before the pregnancy. When she spoke about Emma, her eyes lit up with joy, and I realized that the last two weeks spending time with her brother's family was probably exactly what she needed. She came home more confident, happier, and more at peace.

It felt like things were starting to become right in the world again for us. Soon we would be a happy, healthy family. I couldn't wait. I wanted it all, and I wanted it with her.

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><p><strong>Week 25<strong>

Bella and I were enjoying a lazy Saturday night on the couch watching a movie. She sat between my legs, leaning back on me while I kept my hands placed firmly on her protruding belly, waiting to feel the baby kick again. I was lucky enough to catch Carlie moving around a few times, but I couldn't get enough of feeling my little girl moving under my hands… even if she was kicking my wife.

I realized it was starting to get late when I saw Bella's eyes begin to flutter closed, and she fought a losing battle with staying awake. "Ready for bed?" I asked.

"No, not yet. I want to see the end," she said. After only a couple of minutes, her eyes closed once more and stayed that way. She looked too peaceful to move, so I held her in my arms as she dozed, and continued to watch the movie for a few minutes until she shifted uncomfortably and groaned.

"What's wrong?" I asked gently.

"I have to pee," she muttered, moving my hands away from her belly.

I chuckled at her. "Again?"

"Yes, smartass, again," she quipped as she rose to her feet. Bella was just starting to have problems with equilibrium, and I held my hands up to steady her hips. She swayed for a second before she righted herself. I constantly worried about her falling. She was never gifted with grace or balance, and with the new weight she was carrying I figured it was only a matter of time before she eventually toppled over.

Bella only took a couple steps before we heard Athena let out a low, menacing growl. She jumped to her feet from her bed in the corner of the room and took a defensive stance in front of Bella, continuing to growl and snarl loudly.

Bella and I both froze instantly. For such a sweet, gentle dog, neither of us had ever heard a sound so frightening coming from her. I was on my feet in an instant when I saw her bare her teeth, something she'd never done in our presence before. Athena looked absolutely feral, as her growling grew steadily louder. She was staring fixedly at the door.

"Is someone outside?" Bella asked anxiously.

"I don't know," I said, jumping to my feet. "Stay here."

I kept checking over my shoulder at Athena as I made my way cautiously to the door, where her gaze remained fixed. I grabbed the aluminum bat I kept in the foyer closet before I opened the front door a crack and peered out.

After a few careful seconds of surveying our property, I saw nothing out of the ordinary except a crisp white envelope laying face down on the porch. I picked it up and went back inside, shutting and locking the door behind me.

I turned to find Bella staring at me with wide eyes.

"Nobody's out there," I assured her. "But somebody left something."

"What is it?" she asked with trepidation.

"A letter," I answered, turning it over in my hands. My fist closed a little too tight around the envelope when I saw _Isabella _scrawled across the front.

No friends of ours ever called her that.

Athena was still lowly growling, though she had calmed some. Bella approached me, and I reluctantly showed her the front of the envelope. Her breath hitched as she took in the envelope.

"Maybe we should just throw it away?" I suggested.

"Open it," she said.

"Bella, I don't think…"

"Open it!" she said louder, more demanding. Softer, she said, "I need to know who that's from."

With fumbling fingers, I ripped open the envelope. There was a single sheet of paper inside, and on it, written in block letters, it said only, "_I'm waiting."_

I handed her the letter, my mind reeling. _What the fuck does that mean?_

"Is that some kind of threat?" Bella asked, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. "I mean, what does that even mean? _'I'm waiting.'_ Waiting for what?"

"I'm calling the police," I muttered, reaching for my phone.

"Wait, don't," Bella said. "Just call Charlie."

"It's late," I pointed out.

"He's working nights this week. I'm pretty sure he's working tonight. Hang on." She walked over to the coffee table where her own phone was sitting and pressed a couple buttons.

"Daddy, are you at work? You are? Can you come over real quick? Something happened. No, we're okay. Okay, thank you." She hung up, and I wrapped her in my arms and guided her back to the couch to rest.

As we waited for Charlie, I fumed. I knew it was Vicky who left that note, with every fiber of my being. I was tired of her games. She'd pop into our lives every now and then, disappear for a few weeks, and then be back for more.

But there was nothing overt, nothing violent, nothing even fucking substantial enough to do anything about.

And what did that note mean? _I'm waiting. _What the fuck was she waiting for?

I was tired of her shadow games.

It didn't take Charlie long to arrive. He'd do anything for Bella, and when she called him with a cry for help, I was surprised he didn't arrive in a minute flat with lights and sirens blaring.

He just stuck with the lights.

When we saw the blue and red flashing in our living room windows, Bella jumped up and opened the door for him.

"What happened?" he asked, definitely in cop mode. A young, gangly guy with black hair and russet colored skin trailed in behind him in uniform, looking barely out of the police academy.

With a shaking hand, Bella held out the letter we'd received. "We got this. Athena was growling and Edward went outside and found this. I don't know what it means."

Charlie read the simple note, narrowing his eyes. "Any ideas on who could have left this?"

"Vicky. Fucking. Mallory," I growled.

"Did you see her?" Charlie asked me directly.

"No," I said, dejected, my hands instantly going to my hair and tugging in frustration.

"Alright. Seth, check around the property, make sure that whoever left this is gone," he said, speaking to the young guy. "We'll take this to the station to check for fingerprints."

"Thank you," I sighed, thinking, _Will he believe me now?_

"Do you think it's a threat?" Bella asked Charlie as Seth went outside to check the property.

"We're going to assume it is until we know any better," Charlie said.

Seth came back in a few moments later and said, "All clear chief."

"Thanks," Charlie said. "By the way, this is Sue's little brother, Seth. He's new to the force. Seth, this is my daughter, Bella, and my son-in-law Edward."

"Nice to meet you," Seth said, reaching to shake my hand. Charlie instructed Seth to go back to the car and start working on a report.

When he left, I commented, "He seems like a good kid."

"He is. He's real green though. Sue was worried about him. I promised I'd take him under my wing, not let him out of my sight for a while. Anyway, we probably won't know anything until Monday or Tuesday on the letter. In the meantime, I'm going to send someone down to talk to this Vicky person in the morning, see if they can get anything out of her. That's all we can do now until we have anything substantial."

"I appreciate it," I said sincerely. I was so grateful he was finally starting to believe me.

We didn't hear anything back from Charlie on Sunday or Monday. He called a couple times to check on us, but had no news. They did send somebody to Vicky's house Sunday morning, but nothing came of it.

Tuesday morning I got a call from the station while I was at work. It was Charlie, telling me there were no prints on the envelope or letter besides Bella's and mine. He told me to keep a watch out and report anything suspicious.

I guessed it was all I could really do.

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><p><strong>Week 32<strong>

It had been seven weeks with no sign from Vicky. I saw her only once, picking up Lauren from school, and I don't even think she saw me.

Charlie suspected that she might just be lying low ever since the police confronted her. For whatever the reason she wasn't bothering us, I was happy. The contents of the note still nagged at me though, and she would pop into my mind every now and then. _"I'm waiting." _ I still hadn't figured out what that meant.

It was early February and had been cold as hell for the past few weeks, and it seemed to be raining ice nonstop. This particular morning, however, we seemed to have a reprieve from the freezing rain, and it was a pretty clear day. I was thrilled about that, because today would be the first day Bella would be driving her new car.

She picked out a Volkswagen Jetta, and I was happy with the purchase. I learned that it was a safe, reliable car from the extensive research I did. Bella wanted to get a used one to save money, but I talked her into buying a new one. I felt so much better knowing that she was in a new car, and that much less likely to break down. I knew I probably worried far too much, but I couldn't stand to think of anything happening to her or the baby.

Bella herself had been scaring me a lot lately. Between the constantly icy roads and sidewalks, and her ever expanding belly and swollen feet, she could just barely walk. She was still very slender, but her protruding abdomen was a disproportionate weight on her, threatening to topple her over with every step. She actually slipped and fell on the ice twice during the past month, but besides a little dignity, nothing else was injured.

I honestly preferred she would just stay in the house where it was warm and stay off her feet, but she was fairly stubborn when she wanted to be, and not to be contained.

Bella was going to drive herself to therapy this afternoon. She had been keeping up with her appointments with Dr. Whitlock every Thursday, and they were going well. Bella had a lot of anxieties about the labor and safety of the house and the health of the baby, but none of her fears were unreasonable or even unexpected. They were all natural anxieties that she should be having and she wasn't blowing anything out of proportion, or panicking unnecessarily.

I took it as a good sign that the weather was nice the first day she had to drive her new car. It helped me relax a little as I made my way through my workday.

During my last period before lunch, I heard a frantic pounding on my classroom door. I shushed my Beginner's Band class, my ears grateful for the reprieve from the off-key practicing that had been going on for the last thirty minutes. I peered through the small window on the door to find Irina, one of the administrative assistants looking rather distressed on the other side. Irina was tall, blonde, and very Russian.

I opened the door and stepped into the hallway. "Mr. Cullen," she said with her thick accent. "We just received an urgent call from your father-in-law. He wants you to call him right away."

My heart stopped beating as fear built inside me. _Why did Charlie call the school?_ He never once had since I started teaching there. He always called my cell phone. I hurried back into the classroom and grabbed my cell from the top drawer of my desk. I looked down at the screen. I left it on vibrate.

As I lamented to myself on how stupid it was to leave my cell phone on vibrate when my wife was 32 weeks pregnant, I noticed I had six missed calls. Four were from Charlie, two from a number I didn't recognize. Irina was still standing in the hallway when I returned to place a call back to Charlie.

"Edward!" Charlie yelled into the phone as soon as the call connected. "You need to get to the hospital, right now."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I asked Irina to watch my class and she just nodded and waved me off, and said, "Go."

As I ran down the hallway towards the parking lot, I asked, "What happened? It's Bella, right? Is she okay?"

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, one that seemed to drag on for minutes.

Finally he spoke. "No, Edward. She's not okay. She's been in a car accident, and she's banged up pretty bad, but she's alive. But there was a lot of blood… they're trying to slow down the labor now."

_Labor?_

"I'm at the car, I'll be there in ten minutes."

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><p><strong>AN- **I haven't really gotten many reviews on this story so far. I'm not complaining, as I know it takes time to review. I just want to let you guys know that I would really appreciate it, because honestly I'm not sure how well this story is going over so far. Love it? Hate it? Something you want to see more of? Less of? I would really appreciate it!

Getting off my soapbox now...


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Wow, you guys really came through for me with the last chapter. I'm so appreciative of everyone who took the time to review, it really lifted my spirits! Thank you all!

I'd also like to make a solemn promise, in response to many concerns I received, that there will be _no baby death_ in this story. That doesn't mean it's going to be an easy road for them, though. Thank you to everyone who is reading!

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

**Week 32**

I ran from my car to the door of the Emergency Room as fast as my legs would carry me. I assumed that's where Bella was, though in my haste I hadn't thought to ask Charlie.

"Isabella Cullen?" I asked breathlessly to the young girl sitting behind the check-in desk. She was probably in her teens, and was wearing a volunteer jacket.

"Is that Cullen with a 'C' or a 'K'?" She asked innocently, looking up from her computer screen at me.

"C," I said in annoyance. _Who the hell spells Cullen with a 'K'?_

"Hmm," she said, pressing a few buttons on the keyboard. "I don't see anybody registered with that name. Are you sure she's here?"

"Is there another hospital in Forks?" I snapped at her, but felt instantly bad as her eyes widened at me. She probably wasn't more than sixteen years old, and she was just a volunteer, here out of the goodness of her heart. "Sorry," I amended. "It's just my wife was in an accident and they brought her in, and I need to find out where she is. My father-in-law called me. I am positive that she's here."

"Okay, hold on." Each keystroke she made felt like another lifetime. After a few agonizing moments, she said, "Oh, okay, I found her. She's not in the Emergency Room.

She must have gone straight up to Labor and Delivery."

"What floor?" I asked, trying to mask my growing irritation.

"Third."

"Thank you," I said, turning away.

"Wait! You need a pass to get up there."

_Terrific. _I was tempted to walk away and pretend I hadn't heard her, but then I was afraid that they might not let me in, and that I would waste even more time coming back down to get a pass.

I tapped my fingers impatiently on the desk as she handwrote some information on the back of a visitor's pass. I snatched it from her when she was finished and rushed to the elevator lobby.

Once upstairs, I spotted Charlie immediately. He was sitting in a plastic chair outside one of the rooms, his head in his hands. He wasn't wearing a uniform today; he was in his standard lounging gear of a flannel shirt and jeans.

He looked up as I approached. "What's going on?" I asked anxiously.

Charlie sighed. "I don't know. The nurse is in there examining her, so I gave her some privacy. They haven't told me anything yet, and I haven't had a chance to talk to Bella much. Everything went pretty quick once she got here."

"But she's awake?"

"Yeah. From what I heard, and mind you I wasn't there, her car veered off the road and into a ditch near Tom's house. It was that real steep one, you know? I always figured they'd wait until somebody got killed going over it before they put up a guard rail," he grumbled. I knew exactly the spot. Bella was always nervous taking that turn near Tom's house. It only figured that she would be the first one to actually go over.

"I wasn't on duty today, so I didn't get the call to the scene. The hospital called me when they couldn't reach you at first. I guess Bella put me down as a second emergency contact. I talked to some of the guys that responded though. Luckily, there was a cruiser nearby that heard the wreck and came to check on her. It took them about twenty minutes to get her out of there. She was in labor when she got here, and I saw that there was a lot of blood. I heard the nurses down in the ER talking about getting her up here to slow down the labor, then they gave her something in the IV, but that's all I know. As soon as they rolled her in, they took her right up here."

"It's too early," I said stupidly.

"I know," he sighed.

The door to Bella's room opened, and a nurse came out. "Oh, hello," she greeted me. "I'm Charlotte, Bella's nurse. I hope that you're Edward, because Bella keeps asking for you."

"That's me," I answered. "How is she?"

Her polite smile faltered a little as she said, "She's stable right now, but we're still waiting on the doctor to check her over. We hooked her up to some monitors and started a blood transfusion to replace the blood she lost at the accident. Other than that, we're waiting for Dr. Carmen to look at the ultrasound pictures."

"Okay, thank you Charlotte."

"No problem. Just hit the call button if you need me for anything." I nodded and headed into Bella's room. Charlie didn't follow me, and I assumed he wanted to give us some privacy. As my gaze fell upon Bella, my heart broke at the sight before me.

Bella was positioned on her left side, tubes and wires snaking out from her left hand. One was dripping a clear fluid, the other, higher up the arm, was transfusing blood. There were wires connected to Bella's chest and belly, each leading to a separate monitor. I assumed one was for the baby.

I swallowed hard as I approached her, trying to keep my emotions in check. I knew that my breaking down at the sight of her wouldn't be beneficial to either of us.

She didn't look up at me as I approached her, so I squatted down next to the head of the bed to look at her. Her face ashen and painted with a large bruise over her right cheek and eye. She had clearly been crying; dried tears stained her cheeks and her eyes were red-rimmed and tired.

"Oh, sweetheart," I whispered, pushing her damp hair back from her face.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Shh," I said gently. "It's not your fault, baby."

Bella's frame started to shudder as she began to cry once more. "It was though. It was my fault. I lost control of the car," she sobbed. "I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to Carlie. I don't know what I'll do if…" she trailed off, unable to say the words that she was thinking.

I reached behind me and dragged over a nearby chair so I could sit with her at eye level. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Bella bit her lower lip, probably too hard, and began to tell me what happened. "I was driving over to Tom's house for my appointment. When I turned onto the road to his house, the one with the big ditches, a car came up behind me. They were following me really close and I was starting to get nervous, so I sped up. I know I shouldn't have gone faster, but I didn't know what else to do. As I kept going, the car just stayed on my tail, and I started to panic. I tried getting right into the shoulder so the car could pass me, but it just pulled up next to me and stayed there; they wouldn't pass me. I saw the other car start to come over to my lane, and I panicked and jerked the wheel. The next thing I knew, I was going over the side into the ditch."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my anger for the reckless driver that caused her accident. "Did you see who was driving the car behind you?"

Bella shook her head. "I couldn't see much in the mirror, and I was too afraid to turn around."

"Okay. Then what happened?"

"The airbag went off when I hit the bottom of the ditch. I must have hit pretty hard, and then the car kind of rolled onto the driver's side. I tried to get out through the passenger side, but the seatbelt was stuck and I couldn't get it off… then I felt the first contraction. When the second one started, I started watching the clock while I waited. The contractions were about five minutes apart. I was stuck in the car for at least twenty minutes, waiting for someone to help me." Tears were streaming down her face now. "I was so scared. I could smell the blood coming from me and I thought that I killed Carlie… and I thought I was going to die too."

I fought back my own tears as I listened to her story. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You must have been so scared."

"The contractions- they kept going until I got here. When I was down in the ER, they put something in my IV that they said slows down labor, but they're not sure if it will be enough. The drip there is magnesium, I think, it's supposed to slow down the contractions. Then they gave me something to help the baby breathe better when she comes out."

"Has Dr. Carmen been in at all?" I asked anxiously.

"No, they called her, but she was in Port Angeles. She said she's on the way."

"Thank God," I breathed. "Bella, I know this isn't ideal, but we will get through this. Carlie is going to be fine."

I regretted the words that came out of my mouth instantly. I knew that wasn't actually a promise I could make. In any case, she did seem to calm a little.

A brief knock sounded on the door, and Charlotte poked her head in. "Hey guys, I'm sorry," she said. "I was trying to bring up the monitors at the nurses station and I think the transmitter must be loose. Can I check?"

Bella nodded silently. Charlotte lifted her gown away from her belly and I gasped in horror. In place of her perfect ivory skin, the entire lower half of her abdomen was covered in deep, dark purple bruises.

I was unable to mask the expression of horror on my face as I stared at my wife's body.

"Edward?" she asked, her lower lip trembling. "What is it?"

I knew that lying to her had never done me any good in the past, so I answered, "You're stomach… it's bruised badly. Are you in pain?"

"It's not too bad," she responded. "I'm okay. I'm just worried about Carlie." Charlotte finished adjusting the wires and slipped silently out of the room.

A tear escaped my eye as I gazed at my wife. She was so strong, and she didn't even realize it. She put all of her pain and trauma aside, focusing entirely on Carlie. Unable to help myself I cradled the back of her neck gently and pulled her to me and kissed her deeply. I wanted her to know that I was here for her, that I loved her, and that we were in this together, no matter what. I needed her to see that somehow we would get through this too.

When my lips released hers, she relaxed her head back onto the pillow and let out a shuddering sigh. We sat in silence for a few minutes, clinging to each others hand as we waited for Dr. Carmen. My eyes drifted to the monitors beside the bed, but all I saw were moving lines that made no sense at all to me. I watched the lines move for a few minutes though, as if in a trance, when suddenly the line on the lower monitor jumped.

"Shit," Bella gasped, releasing my hand and clutching her stomach.

"Oh God, what's wrong?" I asked, jumping to my feet.

"Contraction," she breathed, wincing in pain.

I froze, feeling helpless. We had only just started Lamaze classes. I had no idea what to do.

"Just breathe, baby," I said soothingly, stroking her hair and trying to remain calm. My eyes shot to the monitors again when the top one started beeping loudly, and I let my composure go as I started to panic. Fumbling, I lunged for the call light and yelled out for help. Bella was breathing in short, shallow pants and her heart rate was rising, according to numbers on the monitor.

"Breathe, breathe," I kept saying to her, but I wasn't much better. I was a step away from hyperventilating myself.

"This can't be happening!" she cried. "It's too soon."

I was on the verge of losing it- completely overcome by fear- when Dr. Carmen came through the door, followed by Charlotte.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," she greeted us with a grave expression. I greeted her with a nod as Bella stared at her with wide, fearful eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier, but I see that the nurses have been taking great care of you." She approached Bella's side and took her hand, then in a soothing voice said, "You need to take a deep breath and relax, Bella. Your heart rate is very high, and it's not good for the baby."

With Dr. Carmen's coaching, Bella took a few deep breaths and managed to calm herself enough so that she could listen to what the doctor had to say.

Dr. Carmen sighed. "Bella… Edward… I've reviewed the ultrasound images and blood work that were done when you were admitted. There isn't an easy way to say this, so I will come out with it. Bella, you've suffered what we call a placental abruption, meaning that there is injury to the placenta, which is causing you to bleed. That's why you're getting the blood transfusion now. Your blood counts were very low."

"So what do we do now?" I asked, my voice so low I could barely hear it myself.

"I was hoping that the magnesium sulfate would slow down the transfusion and that bleeding would stop by itself, but unfortunately, as that hasn't happened yet, I believe that we're going to have to perform a c-section."

"Now?" I gasped. "But it's way too early for that! Please, there must be something else you can do? She's only at 32 weeks."

"Edward," she said calmly, "if we don't do this, and soon, the bleeding will only become worse. The baby will become distressed…" In a softer voice, she said, staring directly at me, "They both could die."

Bella gasped at this, and I clutched her hand tightly. "I'm so sorry, Edward," she whispered. "So sorry…"

Looking directly into her eyes, I said, "This is not your fault. I love you. You didn't do anything wrong." I brushed her tears away gently with trembling hands, but they continued to roll down her face.

As Dr. Carmen explained the procedure to us, and what to expect afterwards, both in terms of Bella's health and Carlie's, Bella's face suddenly contorted into a mask of pain.

"Bella?" I asked in a panic.

"Something's wrong!" she cried out, as both monitors went wild.

Dr. Carmen pulled the sheet covering Bella's legs away quickly and lifted her gown up above her protruding abdomen. There was a pool of red and purple on the sheets between her legs. I'd never seen so much blood in my life.

"Oh shit!" Dr. Carmen exclaimed. I didn't bother even worrying about her lack of professionalism, as I had the same reaction. Two more nurses rushed into the room, pushing me aside as the world around me started to spin. The frantic voices in the room became quieter and quieter until they were a gentle murmur in the background. I took in the scene before me as if I were floating underwater.

A sharp shake of my shoulder broke me out of my trance, and I realized that Dr. Carmen was shouting something at me.

As I snapped to attention she said, "Edward, if you want to hold her hand in the operating room, you need to go with Charlotte now. I'm sorry, but we need to get this baby out right away."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**Day One**

Before I could utter a response, Charlotte grabbed my upper arm and was ushering me out of the room and down the hallway. As we passed Charlie, who was still sitting nervously in the hallway, I saw him jump to his feet and he asked, "What the hell is going on?"

Charlotte stopped at a doorway and opened it for me. "I'll talk to him. Put on scrubs and meet me back out here, quickly."

There was a hint of urgency in her tone, so I did what she asked without asking questions. Everything was happening so fast that I barely had time to process. All I knew was that our baby was coming now, whether I was ready or not.

Inside the room, I found a cart full of light green scrubs and I quickly grabbed a pair that looked like they would fit. I changed quickly, and not knowing what to do with the clothes I had on, I left them thrown haphazardly across the bench and rushed back out to meet Charlotte. She was waiting for me, and Charlie was nowhere to be found.

As I followed her down the hall to another room, she explained to me that she told Charlie what was going on, and he left to call some people. I assumed he meant Sue, Alice, and Emmett.

"Where's Bella?" I asked anxiously.

"They're prepping her for surgery right now. We'll see her in a second." I was then ushered into another room where I was given a sort of mesh hat to cover my hair, and then was instructed to wash my hands. As I did so, I realized just how violently they were trembling.

In my mind, I kept seeing flashes of Bella- her face contorted in pain. I saw the pool of blood between her legs- too much blood. I saw Dr. Carmen's eyes widen in fear. It was all so surreal.

I followed Charlotte into the adjoining room, and it was there I finally saw her. She lay flat on her back on the operating room table while a blue paper sheet was being raised just above her belly, preventing her from seeing what was happening on the other side. I was given a chair to sit next to her, very grateful that we couldn't see anything. I don't think I could have handled watching a scalpel slice into my wife. That was another image I would never be able to remove from my brain.

For a few moments, it was just Bella and me behind the curtain. I pressed my lips to her forehead and cupped my hand around her unbruised cheek. Her face was so pale, her eyes wide and terrified. Swallowing back my own fear, I knew I needed to comfort her first and foremost.

"It's going to be okay, Bella," I soothed, smoothing back her hair, damp with perspiration, from her forehead. "This will be over before you know it and we'll have a beautiful baby girl."

Her tears spilled over once more. "I'm so scared," she sobbed.

I wanted more than anything then to pick her up and pull her into my arms as I usually did when she cried, but the way she was awkwardly strapped to the table made it difficult to maneuver. I settled with grasping one of her restrained hands in mine and squeezing it gently. "I'm scared too, but it will be over soon. I love you so much, and you're so brave."

My biggest wish right then was that I could take her place. I would give anything to have her not be the one strapped to that table, restrained and fearing for the life of her child. I would give anything to take it all away from her.

But I couldn't. Reality hit hard as Dr. Carmen looked behind the curtain and told us they were ready to start. A trio of people rushed in after that, one of them pushing a small Plexiglass box. We were told that they were Dr. Foster from Pediatrics, a nurse, and a respiratory therapist. The little box was an incubator, in case Carlie needed it to survive.

Bella had been numbed from the waist down. I kept my focus on her face. Her eyes were shut tight as the operation began. I saw no sign of pain from her though, and I relaxed just a little. I had no idea what was happening on the other side of the curtain, and the clinical talk in the room had little meaning to me, so I spent my time counting each of Bella's breaths, which remained even and steady for now.

After only a few minutes, Dr. Carmen said, "She's out."

Every time I imagined the first of our daughter, it was nothing like this. I would be in the labor room with Bella, her feet up in stirrups as I coached her through panting, breathing, and pushing. Carlie would come out and she'd cry. I'd kiss Bella with everything I had in me before I got to ceremoniously cut the cord and hand our little pink-swathed bundle to Bella for the first time. We'd marvel over how beautiful, how perfect our little girl was. I'd tell Bella how proud I was of her, how brave she was, and how much I loved her.

This fantasy was nothing like reality. This was not how I expected the birth of our daughter at all. There was no baby crying shrilly, no happy wrapping of a baby in a blanket and handing her to her exhausted, but happy mother.

There was nothing but a flurry of activity in the room. There were urgent voices, speaking in terms I couldn't understand. People were shuffling around; supplies were being passed back and forth. And most of all, what bothered me the most, was that there was no crying- none at all.

"Something's wrong," Bella whispered to me. "She's not crying."

I squeezed her hand, letting her know that I feared as she did, but we said nothing. We just silently waited, leaving the life of our daughter in the hands of the doctors and nurses in the room.

Seconds that felt like an eternity passed as we both waited anxiously to find out what was happening. Neither of us talked about what we knew was the truth- something was seriously wrong.

Only a couple of more minutes passed when I began to suspect the worst- that Carlie hadn't made it. Too much time had passed. She wasn't crying, and she probably wasn't breathing. As reality set in, tears began to sting the corner of my eyes when I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

It was a brief, soft cry, more like a hoarse cough, but it came from Carlie. It was weak, but it was my daughter, and she was alive.

Dr. Foster came around the curtain a few seconds later, finally giving us the answers we needed.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," he started. "Your daughter is out, but she's very sick right now. She was having difficulty breathing on her own, so we had to insert a breathing tube. We're going to give her medication to help develop her lungs faster, and we're hoping that we can take her off the ventilator in the next few hours."

Unbearable pain built in my chest as I took in the news. I suspected she was sick, but the image of her on a ventilator was too much to think about. "Can we see her?" I asked anxiously.

"Very quickly," he said. The incubator we saw earlier was wheeled over to where Bella and I waited. Carlie was in there, so small and beautiful, but she was _too _small, and her skin carried a bluish hue. Worst of all was the respirator, the tube obstructing the view of her beautiful little mouth, as a nurse standing by was breathing for her by squeezing a bag every so often.

"We need to take her to the NICU now. You can visit her soon," the doctor promised kindly.

"She's too small," Bella wailed, tears now coming like a torrent.

Agonizing pain seared through my chest, constricting my lungs, as I watched them wheel Carlie away in her plastic prison.

I let out a shuddering breath and laid my head down close to Bella's. We said nothing else as we waited for Dr. Carmen to finish stitching her up. The process of closing her up seemed like it took at least twice as long as opening.

When the procedure was finished, Bella was transferred onto a stretcher and I was told she was going to recovery and that I could see her in the room. In a span of minutes, I watched the two most important people in my world be wheeled away from me by doctors and nurses.

My chest was still tight as I stumbled, alone, back to the waiting room. Charlie was on his feet in an instant when he caught sight of me. Sue had arrived while we were in the operating room, and she stood holding his hand.

Charlie misread my tortured expression and his eyes widened in shock. "No… oh no…" he gasped.

"Bella's fine," I assured him, but I could hear that my voice sounded tired and dead. I realized then that Charlie must have been feeling the same anguish I felt not too long before- the uncertainty of not knowing whether his daughter was going to make it or not. It was a feeling I wouldn't wish on anybody.

"And Carlie?" he asked.

"She's alive, but she's really sick. She's on a ventilator."

"I'm sorry," Charlie said, putting his arms around me in a fatherly hug. That bit of comfort that he gave me was all it took to break open my emotional dam.

Tears flew freely from my eyes as a painful sob wracked through my body. I fell into a chair behind me, fisting my hair in my hands, shaking uncontrollably. All the pain, fear, and anger I felt consumed me like a flame. Sue put an arm around me and Charlie patted my back, but they did little to comfort me.

_Why us? Why Bella?_ Why was it that nothing ever seemed to go right for us?

I couldn't shake the image of my daughter's face from my mind. I couldn't even hold her. She was too small, too sick. It wasn't fair.

As I began to calm, tried to focus on the one thing that I knew would get me through- Carlie was still alive- she still had a fighting chance.

Shaking off the anger of the situation, I knew that those would need to be the last tears I shed for a while. I needed to stay strong for my wife and daughter.

I rose to my feet, determined, and returned to the locker room to change out of my scrubs and back into my street clothes. I told Charlie and Sue that I was headed to the NICU, and promised to update them as soon as I could.

Carlie was the only baby in the NICU for now, and therefore, she was receiving a lot of attention. The nurse standing by her isolette, who I learned was named Tia, rose to let me in when I rang the bell, and showed me where to wash my hands and put on a paper gown. She guided me to a chair beside her, and patiently explained each and every tube and wire connected to my daughter.

There were three wires connected to her little chest to monitor her heart rate. There was a long clear tube taped to her right foot that was apparently feeding her intravenously, because she wasn't strong enough to suck on a bottle. Her left foot had a big white sticker wrapped around it, and I was told it was measuring her oxygen levels, which were good now. The hardest of all for me to take in was that tube in her mouth, the one breathing for her.

I was assured that she was stable, and they allowed me to touch her by sticking my hand through a small hole in the isolette.

"How much did she weigh?" I asked, taking in her tiny form in awe.

"Two pounds, nine ounces," Tia answered. "She was a little small for 32 weeks, but not dangerously so. She's fourteen inches long."

"She's beautiful," I whispered, staring at her little face. Her eyes were shut tight for now, and I was content to just watch her. The nurse left for a few moments to discuss something with the other nurse in the room, leaving just her and me.

"Hey beautiful," I said softly to her. "I'm your dad. I just want you to know that your mom and I love you so much." I brushed away a traitorous tear with my free hand, telling myself that there wasn't any more time for crying. "I know we just met, but I need you to know that you're our whole world now. I need you to stay strong and fight, baby girl. Now that you're here, I just can't imagine life without you. Stay strong, sweet girl. I love you so much."

~~ID~~

I only left Carlie's side when the nurse received a call that Bella was out of recovery and in a private room. It was literally painful for me to leave- I wanted Bella and Carlie together with me. I promised my baby girl that I would come back soon as I made my way to see Bella.

The first thing I noticed when I entered the room was that Bella looked a little better. She was receiving another unit of blood when I entered. The color on her cheeks had returned and her eyes looked a little less tired.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, taking a seat next to her bed, and reaching for her hand.

"A little better," she answered. "I feel funny though, I still can't feel my legs."

My eyes darted over to Charlotte, who was typing something into a computer mounted on the wall on the other side of the room. "That's normal," she assured me. "The epidural is still wearing off. She'll be okay in an hour or two."

Relieved, I turned my attention back to Bella. "Did you see her?" she asked me.

"Yes," I answered. "She's beautiful, and she's strong. She's a fighter, I can tell already."

Bella gave me a smile that warmed my heart. Somehow or another, I knew we would get through this.

A timid knock on the door sounded and we watched as Charlie's head peeked in. "You up for seeing your old man?" he asked.

Bella smiled weakly and nodded, and Charlie entered, followed by Sue.

Charlie approached Bella and gave her a very gentle hug. "I was worried about you. How are you doing?"

"Um… okay," Bella answered, looking down at her lap. "Just scared."

"I know, kid. Me too," Charlie answered quietly. I had a feeling he wasn't just scared for Carlie's life, but Bella's mental state.

She was distracted, and rightly so. I knew she was worried about Carlie, and I wished the clock would fast forward. We were told Bella wouldn't be wheeled down to the NICU until she had full feeling back in her lower half, and I knew she wouldn't be able to relax until she could see her.

We learned that Rosalie and Emmett were on the way to Forks to see Bella. Jasper and Alice were watching Emma, but would leave as soon as Rosalie's parents could pick her up. Alice was probably dying to see Bella and Carlie, but she also knew how important it was to Emmett and Rosalie to get here fast. Alice was always selfless like that.

A short while, and some idle talk later, Sue received a text that Seth was outside, wanting to check on Bella. I thought that was nice of him, and Bella kindly invited him in. He entered bearing flowers and followed by his new partner, Jared, who was a well liked, experienced member of the force.

"I uh… don't really know what to say. Congratulations?" Seth said, looking down at his feet.

"Congratulations works," Bella assured him. "Thank you."

"Jared and I… well we were actually at the accident scene. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'll be okay. Thank you so much for coming by," Bella said, giving another weak smile.

As the awkward conversation continued, we heard on the overhead loudspeaker the most horrifying thing either of us could have imagined.

"_Code Pink, third floor."_

I knew what that meant, and one look at Bella's face told me that she did too.

_An abducted baby? Could it be…?_

I jumped up anxiously, and Charlotte poked her head in the door. She looked a little panicked herself. "Stay put guys, I'm going to find out what's going on right now."

I didn't sit back down. I couldn't. I paced. Seth and Jared went out to help, and Charlie wasn't far behind. Even in street clothes, he could never let the cop in him go.

"Guys, it's probably not her," Sue tried to reassure us.

"She was the only one in the NICU," I argued, raising my voice slightly. "How many babies were in the regular nursery? Do you know?"

Sue shook her head. "I don't know. But try not to panic until there's something to panic about."

_Easy for her to say._

A minute passed, then two. The silence in the room was unbearable. Bella was wringing her hands, clearly on the verge of panic. Finally she spoke.

"Dammit, Edward, just find out what's going on. I need to know if she's okay."

She didn't have to tell me twice. I rushed out into the hallway and found a bustle of activity.

The first thing I noticed was a mop of fiery red hair. I knew immediately that something had happened to Carlie.

Vicky was struggling against the firm hold Seth currently had on her, shouting profanities. She was handcuffed, but kicking her feet widely, trying to get free. Charlotte came up to me and pulled me aside.

"What the fuck did she do?" I seethed.

"She got into the NICU somehow," Charlotte said, stress evident in her voice. "Tia was on the phone by the desk and the other nurse was in the supply room. Tia turned around and saw Vicky with her hands in the isolette, trying to disconnect the breathing tube. She called the code then. We've called the police, but as it turns out, they were already here..."

I could no longer pay attention to what so was saying, and my feet unconsciously led me towards where Vicky was standing with Seth. There was red all round me, clouding my vision. I could feel it in every bone, every muscle, every cell- rage. Pure, unadulterated rage- more intense than anything I had ever felt before.

I literally growled as I approached her. Charlie put a hand on my shoulder to stop me from getting too close, but I shrugged him off. "You tried to steal a sick baby out of the _fucking NICU?_ _You sick, fucking, stupid BITCH!_" I roared, as I launched myself at her.

The next thing I knew, I was on top her, my hands around her bony neck, choking the life out of her as hard as I could.

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><p>AN- *Bites nails...

So what did you think?


	16. Chapter 16

A/N- Okay, guys, this is kind of a short chapter, but there is a good explanation at the bottom, so please read, and I'll meet you there...

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><p><strong>Fighting Fate 16<strong>

**Day Two**

Eight steps forward. Eight steps left. Eight steps back. Eight steps right. I repeated the pattern for at least the twentieth time.

My fists clenched and unclenched as I took in my surroundings, once again. Dull gray walls, big steel bars, a hard as a rock cot, and what could only be described as a pot to piss in.

I could really use a piss too, but I'd be damned if I would whip it out in front of _her._

The fucking Forks police department only had two holding cells, one right across from the other. Vicky was in the other one, and I couldn't tell you what she was doing, because I refused to look at her.

I glanced at my watch for probably the hundredth time to find it was almost one thirty in the morning. I'd been sitting, rotting in this fucking holding cell for over six hours. I couldn't believe that bitch actually pressed charges.

As I continued to make my eight by eight patterns in the floor of the cell, I thought again about the events that brought me here.

_I literally growled as I approached her. Charlie put a hand on my shoulder to stop me from getting too close, but I shrugged him off. "You tried to steal a sick baby out of the _fucking NICU? You sick, fucking, stupid BITCH!_" I roared, as I launched myself at her._

_The next thing I knew, I was on top her, my hands around her bony neck, choking the life out of her as hard as I could._

_She coughed and sputtered underneath me, but I didn't release my hold on her. I just watched in sick fascination as her face became increasingly red as she fought to take in a breath. _

_Someone was behind me, their hands around my torso, trying to pull me off her, but I couldn't let go. I was being guided by a force beyond my control._

_I wanted her to die. I wanted her to suffer. How dare she endanger my wife, my child?_

_I had no doubt that she was behind the accident that forced Bella into preterm labor. She could have killed Bella; she could have killed Carlie. She almost killed them both._

_She tried to disconnect the breathing tube from my daughter- the one that was keeping her alive._

_I was forcibly pulled backwards then, causing me to release my grip on Vicky's neck. I immediately tried to lunge right back at her, but whoever was behind me had a solid grip on me._

"_Edward, stop it, right now," My father-in-law said from behind me. I struggled against his hold, but he didn't budge. I cursed his old man strength as I continued to try to get to her._

"_Let me go!" I demanded._

"_Calm down, Edward."_

_I fought and fought until I was breathless, and fell into an exhausted heap back against Charlie's chest. It was only then that he released me, and guided me to sit on the floor. _

"_Put your head between your knees," he commanded. I did so, and took a few shuddering breaths before I looked back up at Vicky. She was still in handcuffs, still being restrained by Seth, the wild look in her eyes only intensified now._

"_He attacked me," she shrieked, then coughed. I took great pleasure in the fact that I was the one who caused her that discomfort. "I want to press charges. Arrest him!"  
><em>

_I scoffed at her. _Arrest me?_ Like I had done anything wrong._

_Before I knew what was really happening, Jared approached me, handcuffs in hand. "Sorry man," he muttered, before saying, "You have the right to remain silent…"_

_Things were happening in slow motion now. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening._

"_Anything you say can and will…"_

"_Charlie," I begged._

"_You have the right to an attorney…"_

"_Charlie!"_

_Charlie looked at me with sad eyes and hung his head._

"_Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"_

"_Charlie!"_

"_I'm sorry, Edward," he said. "There's nothing I can do."_

"_Bullshit!" I yelled. "My wife just got out of surgery and my daughter is fucking sick! My family needs me! You can't do this!"_

_Charlie approached me slowly and said, very quietly, "I'm going to make some calls and get you out of there as fast as I can, son. Sit tight."_

That was six hours ago. Six hours of my life that I could have spent with my wife and daughter, I spent rotting away in a holding cell with Vicky fucking Mallory sitting across from me.

As I continued to pace, I looked over at Seth- who must have drawn the short straw- once more, who was assigned to sit behind the desk and watch us. He kept shooting me apologetic glances.

Another officer stuck their head in the door and Seth got up quickly and left. I hoped that was good news for me, but as nothing seemed to be going right lately, I didn't count on it.

No sooner had Seth left the room, than I heard a noise that made me cringe. It sounded like a tortured, dying cat, and it was coming from the cell across from me.

I looked up for the first time at her to find her dragging her nails along a flat bar on her cell door, causing the metal to shriek.

I focused on ignoring her, but it was incredibly difficult. After the fifth time she did it, I finally snapped at her, "That's really fucking annoying!"

"Go fuck yourself!" she sneered.

I couldn't help but retort. "You forced my wife to drive off the road and then tried to disconnect my daughter's fucking lifesaving ventilator, and you're telling _me_ to go fuck myself?"

I didn't expect her to respond to me, or to admit anything. I was literally shocked when she shot back, "That bitch fucking deserved it."

I froze where I stood. If she was smart, she would shut the hell up and not say another word… but if I could draw her in, and get her to confess, I could get her locked up for a long time. She clearly had some vendetta against me, or maybe Bella, and her going away was the only way to keep my family safe.

So I pushed.

"You really wanted her to suffer, didn't you? Drive her off the road, make her lose the baby, maybe kill her too?"

Something changed then in Vicky's eyes. They became hard, unfocused. "She took everything from me," she said, staring off into space. She wasn't actually talking to me now, she was just talking into space, lost in her thoughts.

I wanted to keep her talking. I needed to know why.

"What, Vicky? What did she take from you?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice level.

"James."

The name… that motherfucker's name, tore through me like a bullet. A low, involuntary growl sounded in the back of my throat.

"What does…" I choked on the name; I couldn't even say it. "_He _have to do with it?"

"I told him I was pregnant, and he left me. He said he loved someone else. He said he had to be with _her_!"

Vicky told me on Parent's Night that she had Lauren when she was sixteen. I suddenly felt sick, and the room started to spin around me. She was only sixteen… maybe fifteen? How many others were there?

I forced myself to look at her. She was about Bella's age, I knew, and she had been fooled, tortured, by the same man who stole my Bella's innocence. How many fucking teenage girls had he broken?

I almost felt bad for her -almost- as I watched tears start to stream down her face. She was just another victim. But that still didn't excuse her actions, and I needed more answers from her.

"James is Lauren's father?"

"Back in Texas… he told me he loved me… and then everything changed when I told him I was pregnant. He wanted me to get rid of her, but I couldn't do it. Then he left me- for Isabella! I looked for him for years! Then I finally find out where he is, and I find out that he's fucking dead! He's dead because of her, and her bitch of a mother!"

I sucked in a sharp breath as I took in her story. I don't know why, but I felt like she needed to hear the truth, to hear some reason. "Vicky, you have it all wrong," I said. "He and Bella were never together. She didn't love him. He molested her, Vicky, for years. He raped her. He was sick. He didn't love her, and he didn't love you."

"You're lying!" she sneered.

"I wish I was," I said honestly. "Don't you get it? You were too young. He tricked you. You're his fucking victim, just like Bella was. What have you done?"

"I wanted her to suffer. She took him from me, so I wanted to take someone from her. I tried to get you away from her, but you wouldn't budge, so I decided to wait… for the baby."

"That's what that note meant? _I'm waiting_? You were waiting for the baby?"

"Yes. She took everything from me, and I wanted her to suffer, too!"

"Why did you run her off the road?" I pressed

"I didn't mean to. I just wanted to scare her a little."

Seth came back into the room then, interrupting Vicky's confessions.

"Edward, you're good to go," he said, putting his key in the lock of my cell door and turning it.

"Thank God," I muttered. I shot one last look at Vicky as I exited my cell. She was sitting in the middle of her cot, her arms wrapped around her legs, shuddering with sobs. _Another broken soul, another fucking victim, _I thought, as I followed Seth to the other room_._

I still couldn't find it in me to regret what I'd done, though.

Emmett was waiting for me on the other side of the door. I sighed, waiting for the onslaught of jabs and insults, but received none.

"Hey man," he said solemnly, reaching to shake my hand.

"Hey," I muttered.

"Let's go."

I followed Emmett out to his Jeep. "Thanks for bailing me out," I said.

"Alice gave me the money," he admitted. I made a mental note to pay her back, as soon as possible. I didn't even want to know how much it cost.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, when I realized he was heading back towards the hospital. "Wait, man," I said. "Can we stop by my house real quick? I have to let Athena out and feed her."

"No worries," he answered. "Jasper and Alice are staying at your house. It's already taken care of."

I breathed a sigh of relief. In this whole mess, I'd completely forgotten about Athena. With her out of my mind, I asked the question that was burning a hole in my gut. "Is everyone pissed at me?"

"What? Fuck no," Emmett said, then chuckled a little to himself. I couldn't imagine what could be funny now.

"What?" I asked, a little irritated.

Emmett laughed. "Charlie's proud of you man. He even told me that he let you have a go at her for a few seconds longer than he should have before he pulled you off of her."

The corners of my mouth turned up a bit at that. _God bless Charlie._ "You're dad is a beast, by the way," I told him, remembering how he forcibly pulled me off of Vicky.

"Yeah. He hides it well," he smirked.

"And Bella?" I asked with trepidation.

"She's not mad," he assured me. "She was just worried about you."

I shook my head. _She _was worried about _me. _That was so like her.

Emmett pulled into the hospital parking lot, and we made our way to the entrance. We had to stop at the desk to get passes, which ended up being a pain in the ass given the late hour. I had to argue repeatedly that I was the father and husband of patients upstairs before they finally let us up. Apparently, security had tightened a bit since the incident a few hours earlier.

I hesitated at the door to Bella's room. Though Emmett had assured me that she wasn't mad, I wouldn't be convinced until I saw, and spoke to her myself.

I ducked my head into the room, and saw in the dim overhead light that Bella was fast asleep. Rosalie was also asleep, but in the chair beside the bed.

Emmett followed me into the room and gently roused Rosalie. Her eyes opened, and they spoke a few quiet words before she got up. She gave me a gentle hug, and walked out of the room sleepily, just leaving Bella and me.

I tried to be quiet as I took Rosalie's place, but Bella stirred beside me as I sat down. There was a perfectly good sofa on the other side of the room to sleep in, but it was too far away from her.

"Edward?" she asked sleepily.

"Shh," I cooed. "I'm here, baby, and I'm so sorry I was gone. Go back to sleep."

Bella sat straight up, ignoring my pleas for her to go back to sleep. "Oh my God, Edward, I was so worried," she said, throwing her legs across the bed in an attempt to stand and come to me.

I rose to my feet quickly and helped her settle back against the mattress, then sat down on the edge of the bed, facing her.

"Just rest now," I said. "I'm okay, I promise."

"I'm so glad you're back. Charlie had to call in a few favors, but he got a judge to set bail for you. I'm sorry it took so long."

"Don't apologize," I said, kissing her lips gently. "I thought you'd be mad at me."

"Mad at you?" she asked, clearly confused. "Oh, sweetheart, if anything I was proud of you. I only wish it was me that got to choke the hell out of that fucking bitch."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. My Bella, so sweet and innocent, letting her claws come out like a tigress. As fierce as she looked, but just for a moment, the ire quickly faded and she yawned, looking more like a sleepy kitten.

"It's late, sweetheart," I said, then kissed her forehead. "Go to sleep."

"Don't leave me," she said with a yawn, and her eyes fluttered closed.

"Never again," I vowed.

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><p><strong>AN- **So this might be my last update for a couple of weeks... now before you get sad, or mad, hear me out. There is apparently a hurricane headed directly for the mid-atlantic... while we are well prepared, I expected to lose power, internet, etc for a few days. I'll do the best I can to update as soon as possible, but Mother Nature has the upper hand here. I didn't want to leave you with the cliffie from the last chapter for too long, so I rallied and tried to update as fast as I could. I hope you enjoyed, and please leave a review, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N- Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter, you guys are amazing. I really appreciate the feedback. We survived Irene with only a lost tree and fence- my dog is upset that she can't run around outside until we get the fence back up, but she'll get through. Thanks for all your well wishes!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

**Days 2-10**

The sound of a nurse bustling around the room woke me up bright and early the next day. I shifted in my chair uncomfortably, quickly realizing I was getting too old to be spending the night in hard-backed chairs. I winced as my back cracked audibly, then stood up to stretch my legs.

When the nurse was finished and left the room, I leaned over Bella's bedrail and kissed her gently. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Sore, but okay," Bella said, sitting up in the bed. "The night nurse pushed something through my IV a couple of hours ago that worked pretty well. I feel better than I did yesterday."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," I said sadly. "Did you go and see Carlie?"

Bella shifted her gaze from me and said quietly, "No."

Surprised, I asked, "Why not?"

"I wasn't feeling well," Bella answered, still not looking at me. I feared there was more to it than that.

"Do you want to go see her now?"

"Maybe after breakfast," Bella said. "I'm kind of hungry."

I frowned at her lack of excitement to see our daughter, but before I could say any more on the subject, the breakfast trays arrived- one for her, and one for me.

"Charlie arranged for them to bring you a tray this morning," Bella told me. She motioned to a suitcase in the corner. "And Alice brought some clothes and stuff from our house."

"Are they coming by later?" I asked.

"Yeah, they said they would come by around lunchtime. They thought we'd want to spend the morning with Carlie."

I nodded in approval, anxious to see Carlie. I felt like I spent too much time away already. I found it hard to believe that Bella didn't see her at all yesterday. It literally hurt when I had to leave the NICU the day before.

By the time I was finished with my tray, which was surprisingly not bad for hospital food, I realized Bella had barely touched hers. I looked at her curiously. "I thought you said you were hungry?"

"It passed I guess," she answered dismissively, pushing her food away. I got up and sat sideways on the bed, facing her.

"Bella, is there something bothering you?"

"I'm just afraid to see her," Bella answered with a shaky voice. "I tried yesterday… but I couldn't do it without you."

"Oh, honey," I whispered, wrapping her in my arms. She buried her head into my shoulder and let out a shuddering breath.

"What kind of mother am I?" she whispered.

"What has you so afraid?"

"I just don't know what I'll see when I go in there. I'm afraid that seeing all the equipment attached to her will be too much for me. I'm afraid that I'll look at her and I won't feel anything at all, that I won't love her. And I'm afraid that I will ultimately fail her, and that's what scares me the most."

Her fears weighed heavy in my mind. I had no idea that she was feeling so scared, and I spent the entire day yesterday rotting away in a fucking holding cell when I should have been in the hospital comforting my terrified wife.

"You won't fail her," I promised her. I had no doubt in my mind that she wouldn't. I knew in my heart that Bella would be a great mother, and give our daughter everything that she herself had missed out on in her own childhood. "Just the fact that you're so afraid to fail her tells me that you won't. You'll be everything she needs and more. And I promise you, when you look at her, there's no way that you'll feel nothing for her. You love her already, seeing her won't change that."

Bella nodded into my shoulder.

"You ready to go see her? I'll be right there with you."

Bella nodded again. I moved to grab our suitcase from the corner and pulled out a pair of new looking pajamas for Bella and a shirt and jeans for me. _God bless Alice_, I thought, realizing I was in the same clothes I wore teaching my class yesterday. I needed a shower too, desperately. Fortunately, Alice had predicted that as well, and she had packed my soap, shampoo, and a shaving kit.

Bella's IVs had been disconnected, so I had no trouble helping her get out of bed. I walked her into the bathroom and helped her take a bath in the sink, as she had not been cleared to shower just yet. I tried not to gasp aloud when I saw Bella's stomach now, still black and blue and covered with a large white bandage. It made my own stomach hurt just looking at it, and I wondered how she was even standing upright.

After I helped her change into the pajamas Alice packed, Bella asked me to retrieve her hairbrush. After finding it in the suitcase, I insisted on brushing it for her, feeling the innate need to take care of her, in some way. As I pulled the brush, as gently as I could, through her tangled brown locks, something fell and clinked on to the tile of the bathroom floor. Bending over, I picked it up, shocked to see that it was a thick, square piece of glass.

The accident was only the day before. It seemed like much longer. I carefully inspected the rest of her hair to make sure it was glass free, and then pulled it back away from her face. After securing it with a rubber band, I gently kissed her neck from behind and wrapped my arms around her, careful to avoid her belly. "I love you," I murmured gently. "I'm so sorry about yesterday. You must have been so terrified, but you did so well."

"Please stop blaming yourself," Bella said sadly. "You haven't done anything wrong. Yes, yesterday was terrifying, but I don't want to think about it."

I nodded solemnly and quickly undressed to get into the shower, which ended up being undoubtedly the fastest shower I had ever taken. When we were both ready to go, I called for a wheelchair. The NICU was just down the hall, and a few minutes later Bella and I were seated next to Carlie's isolette, staring at her in wonder.

She was small, yes, but so beautiful. The intermittent woosh of the ventilator was the only sound at the time. The nurse was Tia again this morning, and she talked to us a bit about how Carlie did during the night, and apparently everything was okay- well as okay as to be expected.

She still wasn't breathing on her own. We were told that she was still receiving steroids to help mature her lungs, but that the ventilator would be necessary for days to weeks, depending on how well she did. She also wasn't holding a regular body temperature on her own, so the little isolette was keeping her warm. Bella absorbed all of the information with an expressionless stare while keeping her gaze fixed on Carlie.

Concerned by her silence and lack of emotion, I thought it might help Bella if she touched her. I showed her how she could put her hands through the holes on the side of the isolette, and she did so, after hesitating briefly. I thought I saw some spark of joy or wonder in her eyes for a moment, but her expression quickly shifted back to a blank expression. I knew the look well- Bella was completely overwhelmed, on the verge of panic. After only fifteen minutes, I decided it was time for a break.

I told Tia that we would be back soon, and she gave me a curious look, but just nodded. I returned Bella to the room, and she stayed in the chair, staring out the window. It seemed that nothing I said would snap Bella out of her haze- she was completely checked out. This often happened when she got completely overwhelmed, and all I could do was sit helplessly while we waited for something- anything to happen.

When another fifteen minutes went by with no response from Bella, I exited the room quickly and flagged down her nurse at the nurse's station. I verified that Bella was scheduled to get her normal medications that evening, and requested that they order her anxiety medication. She didn't often take it, but I felt that she needed it now.

The nurse, Katie, gave me a concerned expression as I explained to her about Bella's behavior, and how it sometimes happened when she got overwhelmed, as it was part of her anxiety disorder. Katie went to check on her, and Bella ignored her mostly, just answering "yes" and "no" when asked a direct question. Katie told me that she'd contact the doctor to order the anxiety medication. She also told me that she'd like to talk about the symptoms of Post-Partum depression when Bella was feeling better. The words left a sick feeling in my stomach.

The medication Katie gave Bella pretty much just made her drowsy, but allowed her to sleep a little. I napped on the couch near her bed, hoping that she'd feel better when she woke up.

As promised, Charlie and Sue came over around lunchtime, followed shortly by Alice and Jasper. Emmett and Rosalie weren't far behind. I was afraid too many people would overwhelm Bella, but when she woke up to the commotion in the room, she actually looked a little relieved to see them. Maybe it was the distraction she needed.

I took each of our relatives in to see Carlie one at a time, which was all the nurses would allow. Tia watched each person that entered carefully, no doubt on very high alert after the events of the day before. They all oohed and aahed, none of them fazed at all by the equipment attached to her. They were all in good spirits, very hopeful for the future and that Carlie would be well enough soon. Alice even said she had a "feeling" and I knew better than to bet against her.

Alice and Jasper had to leave early, as they both had classes in the morning. Charlie assured me that he would pick up Athena on the way home and keep her at his house as long as we needed. Rosalie and Emmett left shortly after, needing to pick up Emma from her grandparents. When it was just Charlie and Sue left, I asked to speak to Charlie in the hall.

"Thanks for what you did yesterday," I told him when we were in the hallway. "I know you had a hand in getting me out of there. Emmett told me you weren't pissed, but…" I trailed off, unsure of the words I wanted to say.

"I'm not mad," he assured me. "In fact, I wanted to tell you something. Just before I came in, Victoria confessed to everything. She's being transferred to a prison near Seattle until her trial, where they expect she'll plead guilty to aggravated assault, harassment and attempted kidnapping."

I nodded, pleased with the news, but I wasn't completely satisfied. "What happens to me, then? I know Alice bailed me out, but what now?"

"She dropped the charges," Charlie explained. I breathed an immediate sigh of relief- the last thing I needed was an assault charge on my record. "I don't know what you told her last night, but she was a wreck. She said that she was wrong, and that she doesn't hold anything against you."

"And Lauren?" I asked.

"Foster care, unfortunately. She doesn't have any family, close by or otherwise. It was jus the two of them."

I actually felt a little bad for Lauren, knowing that she'd spend the rest of her teenage years in foster care. I tried not to think about it too much, though, knowing there was nothing I could do.

Shortly before dinner, Dr. Carmen came in to check on Bella, and she sat us both down and talked about the signs of Post-Partum depression. Insomnia, withdrawal, anxiety, lack of bonding with the baby… apparently the symptoms had to last long term for it to be considered Post-Partum depression, but judging on Bella's behavior today, my fears for the future were escalated. Bella promised that she would pay attention to the symptoms, as did I, and we would report anything unusual.

Bella was discharged the next day, but we didn't leave the hospital right away. We spent the remainder of the day in the NICU. We were invited to stay overnight if we needed to, but I was worried about Bella and wanted to take her home, at least for the night. She still showed no signs of bonding with the baby at all, and to an outsider, one might think she didn't really love or care about Carlie at all. I knew in my heart that that wasn't true, but I couldn't help but notice the constant concern on the faces of the nurses in the NICU.

We visited Carlie every day without fail. I made sure that Bella spent a lot of time with her, probably more than she was comfortable with. Tom came over to the house a couple of times after we returned from the hospital just to check on Bella. He suggested increasing Bella's daily medication dosage for the time being, but she refused. He relented, but promised to reassess it later.

I knew that eventually I would need to return to work. Though I was out for a family illness, and I wouldn't be fired, I was also quickly running out of paid sick and personal days. Bella wasn't working either as she recovered from the surgery. I felt sick leaving her alone during the day, so I arranged with Charlie that I would drop her off at the hospital every morning to spend time with Carlie, and that he would pick her up during his lunch break, so that she could rest. This way, she would only be alone for a couple of hours before I came home from work. After dinner we always went back to the hospital together to spend a few more hours with Carlie before returning home to sleep. It was an exhausting schedule, but completely necessary, as I couldn't stand to be away from Carlie for more than a few hours. I needed the constant validation that she was okay.

Bella remained withdrawn, much to my dismay. It was a truly helpless feeling, just watching her float along as if nothing was bothering her, while I knew that inside it must feel like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her nightmares were worse than ever, and she woke multiple times every night in cold sweats, but always said she couldn't remember what she was dreaming about.

On Carlie's tenth day in the NICU, Dr. Foster announced that he was going to try to wean her off the ventilator. I took another day off from work so that Bella and I could both be there when Carlie was removed from the oppressive machine. I was very anxious to hold her in my arms for the first time, which we were told would be allowed as soon as the vent was removed and she was breathing on her own. Bella, of course, was a bit less excited.

I couldn't help the tears that pooled in my eyes as Carlie took her first unassisted breath. She cried, and it sounded strong and healthy- music to my ears. After a few minutes, when the doctor was satisfied that the weaning had been a success, the nurse took Carlie out of the incubator and bundled her like a sausage in a soft pink blanket. She offered her to Bella, but she froze in her spot, trembling slightly with anxiety.

"I'll hold her first," I offered, hoping to take the pressure off of Bella. Bella bit her lower lip- hard, and nodded gratefully. I took my little pink bundle, careful of the IV that was still in her foot, and held her close to my chest. Her crying ceased almost immediately, and her eyes opened and she stared at me for a minute. They were a sort of muddled gray color, which I was informed may darken up in a few weeks. I hoped they turned out brown, like Bella's. Either way, I could have stayed lost in those eyes forever.

My time holding Carlie was limited unfortunately, as she still wasn't holding her body temperature well. I handed her- ever so carefully- to Bella, who reached out tentatively. She held Carlie exactly as she had been instructed, careful to support the head, but she looked incredibly scared and uncomfortable. It was a start at least, and I can't even describe in words how beautiful it was to see Bella holding our daughter.

Bella handed Carlie back to the nurse, who returned her to the incubator. My hands twitched in irritation, wanting nothing more than to hold her again, but I knew that I would have to wait. We could hold her now for a few minutes at a time at least, and that was a start.

We were told that in a few days, the IV would be removed and a feeding tube would be inserted in Carlie's nose so that she could be fed formula. I wasn't real thrilled with the mental image of plastic being shoved down her nose, but I knew that it was a necessary step. Carlie wasn't mature enough to suck on a bottle yet. Her weight gain was steady though, which was promising, and her growth was right on track, as if she were still in the womb. I was so grateful to the doctors and nurses for taking care of my little girl and making sure she had everything she needed to get well.

And for the first time since she was born, I had absolute faith that Carlie would come out of this a happy, healthy baby.

As for Bella's health, I wasn't so sure.

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><p><strong>Chapter End Note- The next chapter should be up within the week, and it will move ahead in time a little again. Thanks for reading, and please, please, please, leave me a review!<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Days 42-52**

"No, please!" Bella cried out. My eyes snapped open from sleep and I rolled over and pulled her to me. She was crying and trashing in the bed next to me.

"Bella!" I yelled, hoping to wake her, but she was lost in her nightmare and I couldn't rouse her from sleep.

"No, I can't. Please no!"

"Bella!" I yelled again, shaking her roughly. Athena chose that moment to jump on the bed, nuzzling Bella awake. She awoke with a start, panting hard. I clicked the bedside lamp on and saw tears running down her face. Athena started licking the tears away, but I pushed her back gently and pulled Bella to me.

"What the hell, baby?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

I watched her bottom lip tremble and she buried her face in my chest. "I can't…" she sobbed.

"You can't what?" I asked calmly, though my panic was rising. Bella had certainly had her share of nightmares, but never one in which she cried and trashed around so violently.

"I… I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"I can't be a mother!"

Realization dawned on me then. Today was the day. Carlie was now six weeks old, and yesterday was proclaimed healthy enough to come home. In two hours we were supposed to be at the hospital, going over last minute discharge instructions.

Over the last two weeks, Carlie learned to suck on a bottle, which eliminated the need for a feeding tube. It was definitely a happy day for me when I saw that intrusive tube being removed from her nose after she successfully wrapped her tiny lips around the bottle I tried to give to her. I wanted Bella to be the one to feed her first, but she declined, choosing to watch me instead. We both agreed that Bella wouldn't breastfeed, as her medications could be passed through breast milk, but I really wanted her to hold and feed our daughter for the first time, hoping that it would ease some of Bella's guilt about not breastfeeding.

I got Bella to feed Carlie the next time, and she did so, although very mechanically. In fact, everything she did for Carlie was mechanical. As Carlie healed and matured, the nurses were encouraging us- particularly Bella- to take a hands-on approach in caring for her. With their assistance, we bathed her, changed her diaper, fed her, rocked her, and swaddled her. Bella's actions were as if she was reading from a textbook on how to care for a baby. It was incredibly disheartening for me to watch Bella interact with Carlie without seeming to form any kind of attachment.

I relayed my concerns about Bella's welfare to Dr. Carmen, who suggested that Bella might be overwhelmed by the environment of the NICU. She thought that perhaps when we brought Carlie home, Bella would become more comfortable with her, but I wouldn't be convinced until I actually saw it for myself.

The closer we came to Carlie's expected discharge day, the more Bella's anxiety grew. Tom came once a week to sit and talk with Bella, but neither of them ever shared what they talked about. He was a true professional, and every time he left our house his expression never gave anything away, which was incredibly frustrating for me. I knew that Bella was entitled to her privacy, but I was truly afraid for her and her well-being. I was able to take only slight comfort in the fact that Tom promised me that if he thought anything was seriously wrong, or that Bella planned to harm herself, he would tell me.

Carlie's discharge date fell on a Saturday, and I took the following week off to help her get acclimated to her new environment, and so that we could spend some much needed time as a family. We desperately needed that time away from the hospital, away from the nurses- just the three of us.

"Bella, was this nightmare about Carlie?" I asked, concerned.

She nodded.

"What happened?"

"She was in her crib and kept screaming and screaming. I tried to get to her, to hold her, but it was like an invisible wall separating us. I couldn't get to her in time, and then she just turned blue. I tried to call for help, but my voice wasn't working."

"That must have been terrifying," I said, stroking her hair gently. "But you're okay, and so is she. Everything's going to be fine." Even as I said those words, I wasn't even sure if I believed them myself.

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><p><em>Everyone<em> was there when we got home from the hospital. Charlie and Sue, Emmett and Rosalie with Emma, Alice and Jasper, Tom and Darcy, and Angela and Ben were all crowded on our front steps below a pink and white banner that said, _Welcome home, Carlie! _

Alice was the first to rush to us. She launched herself at Bella, who was thankfully mostly healed from the C-section by now. "We never got the chance to give you a baby shower, so we thought we'd give Carlie a welcome home party instead!"

I gritted my teeth a little in annoyance at my sister. While the sentiment was certainly appreciated, this wasn't the quiet homecoming for Carlie that I had expected. However, with the exception of Tom, nobody really knew the extent of what Bella had been going through emotionally over the last few weeks, and a welcome home party seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to have.

The small sea of people parted enough for me to carry Carlie's carrier inside. The inside of the house had been completely transformed- pink and white streamers and balloons everywhere, presents covering the couch and chairs, and the breakfast bar covered with every type of breakfast food imaginable. Alice must have been camped out waiting for us to leave this morning in order to pull it all off in the hour we were gone.

As we made our plates and started to eat brunch, I kept cringing at the way my daughter was being passed around like a football. Even if Dr. Foster had declared her as healthy as a normal newborn, I couldn't shake the image of her connected to tubes and wires, held prisoner in her plastic box. To me, Carlie might as well have been made of glass, and she needed to be treated as such.

"Oh my Lord, Bella, she looks just like you!" Darcy crooned when it was her turn with Carlie.

Bella gave a small smile. "You really think so?"

"Oh, absolutely. She's got your beautiful thick brown hair, and your nose and lips too."

Emmett took the opportunity to peer over Darcy's shoulder and stare at Carlie intently. "I think she looks just like your mailman, Edward," he said very seriously. "She doesn't look a fucking thing like you."

I rolled my eyes at his stupid joke as Rosalie smacked him- hard- on the back of the head. That was enough to make me smile a little, even though Emmett and Darcy both had a point- my little girl looked nothing like me. She was all Bella, as if I didn't have a hand in her making at all.

The atmosphere remained light and jocular, and even Bella seemed to be enjoying herself a little, until it was time to open presents at least. She was never one for receiving gifts, as being stared at always made her uncomfortable. I helped her open everything while Charlie held onto Carlie.

We literally received everything we could have ever needed- thousands of diapers, bottles, toys, wipes, powders, oils… I didn't even know what everything was for, but I figured I learn soon enough. Eventually Carlie started to get fussy and cry, which set Emma off, and Rosalie decided it was time for them to leave. Darcy and Tom left shortly after, followed by Angela and Ben. Charlie and Sue stuck around to help Jasper and Alice clean up, and Alice even helped us sort out all of our gifts in the nursery. I was exhausted by the time they left, and Bella looked absolutely overwhelmed.

Carlie was sleeping, but I came into the nursery to find Bella hovering over her crib, watching her. I approached her from behind and wrapped my arms around her shoulders and kissed her neck. "She's finally home, baby," I whispered.

Bella remained silent, staring into the crib until I asked her what she was thinking about.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"I know, but that's okay. You've had a long day already, do you want to take a nap?"

"I guess," Bella said. She seemed reluctant to leave Carlie though, and I found that to be promising. Maybe Dr. Carmen was right; with Carlie home, maybe Bella could start to get a little closer.

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><p>Until we had a newborn in the house, I wouldn't have thought it possible for one to survive on so little sleep. Carlie was up literally every two hours, and though Bella and I took turns tending to her, it was absolutely exhausting. Bella looked as tired and defeated as I felt. We both walked around bleary eyed and sleep depraved, and I knew it would be many more weeks or months before Carlie would sleep through the night.<p>

Which was why on the fourth day of Carlie being home, I was very surprised to wake up to the sun shining in the window, feeling well rested. I groaned and stretched, used the bathroom, and went off in search of my girls.

I found Bella in the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair, holding Carlie close to her. My first instinct was to grab my cell phone and take a picture of the beauty before me, until Bella looked up at me, her eyes practically dead and clouded over with exhaustion.

"She wouldn't stop crying," Bella said, still rocking. She looked like an absolute ghost, or a zombie maybe, and I knew at that moment that she hadn't slept a wink the night before.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked, kneeling down before her so that I could see her better.

"I couldn't sleep anyway. I can't stop the nightmares. Every time I close my eyes… it's too much."

"Jesus…" I whispered, more to myself than her. I felt incredibly guilty at that moment. I should have sensed that something was wrong. Instead I slept through the night like a selfish asshole, oblivious to Bella's suffering. Even Athena gave me an irritated look from beside the crib where she was resting. I was apparently the only one in the house that got any sleep the night before.

"Let me take over?" I asked her, reaching out to take Carlie. She handed her over immediately. "You need to get some sleep," I said, giving her a pleading look.

"Let me just make a bottle," Bella answered. "She'll be hungry again soon."

"I'll take care of it. Please get some sleep," I begged. Bella just nodded and got out of the chair, stumbling a little on the way to the door.

Carlie was asleep now, so I placed her gently in the crib and took to straightening up a little around the house. We both had neglected our housekeeping duties over the last couple of days. I was folding some laundry when I heard a shrill cry coming from the other side of the house, and it wasn't coming from Carlie's room.

I rushed to Bella's side, and found her trapped in another nightmare, trashing around in the bed. I woke her quickly and pulled her to me, and she once again sobbed and cried into my chest.

"Bella, when was the last time you slept more than an hour?" I asked after she calmed down.

"It's been a few days," she responded sadly.

"I'm calling Tom," I said, coaxing her back against the pillows. "This isn't healthy for you."

"I'm fine," she argued, moving to sit up. "I can't sleep anyway."

"You're not fucking fine!" I shouted, immediately regretting my tone of voice. I wasn't mad at her, not at all. I was just scared shitless. I kissed her forehead when she flinched at my words, and I apologized immediately. Softer, I said, "Just let me help you, okay?"

Her eyes were already fluttering closed as I called Tom. He said he'd be over as soon as he could. I fed and changed Carlie while I waited, and breathed a deep sigh of relief when I heard a soft knock on the door.

I ushered him inside and he gave me a concerned look. "What's going on? You sounded panicked."

"It's Bella," I said, urging him to take a seat. "She hasn't slept in at least three days. Any time she falls asleep she's having these horrible nightmares. Last night she turned off the baby monitor and spent the night awake in the nursery. When I asked her why she didn't wake me up to help take care of Carlie, she said she was afraid to go to sleep."

Tom frowned at me. "How has she been bonding with Carlie so far?"

"Better, I think," I answered honestly. "But this morning when I found her, she looked dead, lifeless. There's something really wrong with her."

"No, there isn't," Bella's voice said from the hallway. Joining us in the living room, she said, "I'm just having trouble sleeping; I'm fine. I have a newborn, it's normal not to sleep well."

"That's true," Tom said, "But it's not normal to be afraid to go to sleep. Would you like to talk about your nightmares?"

Bella flopped down in the armchair across from Tom. "Not really, but I'm sure you'll make me."

"I won't make you talk about anything you don't want to," he assured her. "Would you feel better talking to me if Edward left?"

I growled under my breath at the suggestion of my leaving now, but was relieved when Bella said, "No, he can stay."

"So, I'm _requesting_ that you tell me about your nightmares so that we can get to the bottom of your sleeping problem."

Bella stared at Tom, almost as if in a silent challenge for him to leave her alone. After a minute or so, she sighed and looked away. "It's always Carlie," she said finally. "Well sometimes my mother is there too. Carlie is always trapped somewhere and I can't speak, and I can't get to her. Sometimes my mother comes and takes her away."

"Does your mother ever say anything in these dreams?"

Bella's lower lip trembled a little but she managed to compose herself. "Sometimes… sometimes she'll say things like, 'you don't deserve her,' or 'you're no better than me.'"

"Do you think that she's trying to tell you that you are a bad parent?"

"Yes."

"Do you think that you're a bad parent?"

"Yes," she answered honestly.

"Why?"

"I don't know!" Bella said, clearly becoming agitated. "I just do."

They talked for a while longer, but it seemed that nothing was resolved, until finally Tom said, "Bella, you're displaying all the signs of post-partum depression. I have to ask if you've had any thoughts of harming yourself?"

I held my breath for the answer.

"No."

"Have you had any thoughts of harming Carlie?"

"No."

I wasn't completely appeased by her answers; they seemed to be too short and come too quickly.

Tom pulled out a prescription pad and wrote something down quickly. "I want to try adding another medication to your regimen. I can't up the dosage of the drug your currently on, as you're already at the maximum level, but this may help as well. I'm going to check on you frequently to make sure you are okay, and that you aren't having any side effects. Please start taking it today. I'm also writing you a prescription for a sleeping pill. I want you to take them for the next couple of nights to see if they help. Don't take them if Edward isn't around, because if they do the job, you may sleep through Carlie crying if she needs help."

Bella snatched the paper from his hands as though she were irritated with him. I knew he was only trying to help, but I knew Bella hated admitting that she needed it.

"Bella, it's important for you to know that there is nothing to be ashamed of. You aren't a bad mother because you're feeling down. Many mothers experience some sort of depression after they have a child- there's varying degrees. Given the fact that you're mother suffered from the disorder, and your history of anxiety and depression, it's really not surprising that you may need a little more help getting through this than some other mothers. Do you understand that?"

Bella nodded, but I found her expression hard to read. She gave him a quiet 'thank you,' and disappeared back into the bedroom.

I spent the next four nights on an old air mattress of Alice's that I found in the attic. I slept on the floor of the nursery, so that we could leave the baby monitor off and Bella could rest. She took her medication as she was supposed to, but both of us knew that we wouldn't see any immediate relief. Even the sleeping pills didn't seem to be helping her, as she woke up every morning looking just as tired as she did the night before.

The next day, I had to return to work. Bella's boss had graciously extended her maternity leave by a couple of weeks after he was informed that Carlie had been in the NICU. I needed to return to work, though. I had officially used up all my vacation days, and if I took any more time, it would be without pay. I was exhausted my first day back, and felt like a really horrible teacher when I gave my students busywork while I updated my lesson plans.

I ate lunch with Angie and Ben that day, and they both noticed that I was tired and distant. I opened up to them enough to tell them that Carlie had been keeping us up at night, and that we were both tired. I didn't betray Bella's privacy by telling them about the insomnia and post-partum depression; Bella could share that if she wanted to.

"Why don't we come over and babysit tonight? You guys can go out, or even sleep and we'll stay with Carlie so you can get some rest?" Angie offered.

Normally I was a stubborn ass and would refuse help, but I knew that if I could get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, it would make a world of difference. I graciously accepted their offer.

After work, Angie and Ben followed me home. As soon as I reached the door, I felt a sense of foreboding, like something was wrong. I couldn't really explain the feeling I had, I just knew that something was wrong.

I opened the door and heard crying coming from the nursery. Athena didn't greet me at the door, which was very unusual. I made my way to the nursery quickly, with Angie and Ben trailing behind me. Bella wasn't there. I reached into the crib and found Carlie soaking wet, her face almost purple from screaming in obvious discomfort. I don't know how long she'd been crying, but from the looks of her face, it must have been some time.

"Shit, where's Bella?" I muttered, placing Carlie on the changing table.

"Maybe she forgot to turn the baby monitor on?" Angie suggested. "She's probably sleeping. Let me go check on her."

Distracted by my crying daughter, I only nodded as I quickly stripped her of her wet clothes and cleaned her up. Even when she was in a dry diaper and onesie, she continued to scream and cry as I rocked her and hummed to her, trying everything in my power to calm her down.

A scream echoed through the house, so loud I could hear it crystal clear even through Carlie's wails. I rushed back out to the living room to find out what had frightened Angie. I found Ben pacing back and forth in the living room speaking frantically into his cell phone. The back door was wide open, and I saw Angie hovering over someone slumped over on the porch swing, unmoving.

Pure agony tore through me as I took in the sight of Bella's pale face and blue-tinged lips. She lay completely still except for the gentle rocking of the porch swing in the breeze.

Ben managed to snatch Carlie from my grasp before I collapsed in a heap on the cold concrete patio, screaming at the top of my lungs.

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><p><strong>AN- **So what do you think? Reviews are always appreciated!


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N- **Alright guys, a lot of you were mad at me for the last chapter's cliffhanger, but I promised you a quick update, and here it is. I hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

**Days 52-53**

Words could not accurately express the emotions I felt the moment I set eyes on the lifeless form of my wife. Shock, terror, anger, confusion, despair, helplessness- I felt all of these emotions all at once, yet none of those words even came close to how I actually felt.

The combined sounds of Angie's and my screams attracted the attention of the neighbors on either side, as they rushed out to help. One of them was Samantha, a senior in high school, who approached us quickly. Though she was very young, she was surprisingly calm, yet forceful, as she told Ben and me, "Put her on her back."

As we were both frozen, both desperate for someone- anyone- to tell us what to do, we didn't question her. Ben handed Carlie over to Angie, then grabbed Bella's ankles while I held her under her arms. We gently lifted her and placed her carefully onto the patio. Samantha dropped to her knees and put her ear to Bella's mouth and listened for a moment, while she checked the pulse in Bella's neck.

"She's not breathing," she said. "Did someone call 911?"

"They're on the way," Ben answered.

Samantha tilted Bella's head back and listened again, then lowered her mouth to Bella's. Pinching her nose, she gave her two deep breaths, then immediately moved her hands to Bella's chest and began compressions. I was in awe of her control, and terrified for Bella at the same time.

"Edward, give her two deep breaths when I tell you to, okay?"

I dropped to my knees on Bella's other side immediately, waiting for the command.

"Now!" I gave everything I had into breathing for Bella, but there was no response from her as Samantha continued compressions.

"Now!" She commanded again after a few seconds. Every now and then she would stop to check for Bella's pulse and breathing, but there was nothing. We continued like this for several cycles before I heard the blissful sound of sirens approaching. Soon enough, we were joined by two paramedics- one male and one female- who took over for us.

"Thank you," I said to Samantha, and she just nodded, her concerned gaze focused on the paramedics as they continued CPR.

Every second was an eternity. Bella received three more cycles of CPR until the male paramedic said, "Got a pulse."

The female paramedic breathed again for Bella through some sort of plastic mask, and this time she coughed and sputtered- music to my ears.

"She's vomiting," the man said, and together they rolled Bella onto her side as she spilled the contents of her stomach onto the concrete.

"I see pill fragments," said the woman.

_What?_

"Get her on the stretcher."

I watched helplessly as Bella was lifted onto the stretcher and buckled into place. "Wait, what's happening?" I asked frantically.

"Are you related to her?"

"I'm her husband."

"Good, you need to come with us. We need to know what medications she's on and what she might have taken?"

"I… Carlie," I sputtered.

"We got her, Edward," Angie said. I looked up and saw her face full of tears, worried for Bella. "We'll stay here until we hear from you."

I gave her a look of thanks that I knew she understood as I climbed into the back of the ambulance after they loaded Bella on. The door slammed shut, as the woman crawled in beside Bella while the man took his place behind the wheel. I gave a quick glance at the nameplate on her shirt and saw that her name was Leah.

"Wait!" I heard Samantha call faintly, waving frantically at the back window. Leah had her hands full- in fact, she already had a needle in Bella's arm, so I opened the door and Samantha handed me an orange bottle. "I found this," she said. "I thought it might help."

I examined the bottle quickly. "Oh fuck," I whispered to myself.

"What is it?" Leah asked, as she continued starting an IV line.

"Her sleeping pills…"

* * *

><p>Bella had been in that godforsaken trauma room for thirty minutes already, and nobody has spoken a word to me. I knew it was because they were busy saving her life… but I needed to know what the fuck was going on.<p>

When I first arrived with the paramedics, I was bombarded with questions about allergies, health history, prescription medications… then they disappeared behind that door and I hadn't heard a thing since.

I didn't even know if she was alive or dead.

Through the chaos, I hadn't even had the presence of mind to call Charlie, but someone did, and he arrived in full uniform. "What happened?" he demanded as he approached me.

I couldn't even speak the words. I didn't even know what to say.

Bella took some pills…

_Bella attempted suicide…_

Nothing sounded right, because this situation was so outside the realm of reality it didn't make any fucking sense.

So I just stared at him with wide, tortured eyes and handed him the orange bottle I was somehow still clutching in my hand.

"Jesus," Charlie whispered, understanding immediately. "I didn't know…"

"I didn't either."

That was all we said. Neither of us sat, we just stood, and paced, and waited.

"Where's Carlie?" Charlie asked finally.

"With Angie and Ben at my house."

Charlie nodded, and we both returned to the uncomfortable silence.

Finally, one of the doctors came out to talk to us. He greeted us with a grave expression that instantly sunk my heart. "Mr. Cullen, we moved your wife up to the intensive care unit. We had to pump her stomach, and she's stable for now, but we need to keep a close eye on her. She regained consciousness briefly, which is a good sign, but she's unresponsive again. Her vital signs look okay though, so we need to wait and see what happens."

'_Wait and see,' _I thought. _More like, 'We don't fucking know.'_

"Can I see her?" I asked.

"They're moving her now." He gave us her room number and we made our way up the stairs.

We weren't allowed to see her right away, as the staff needed to get her settled and hooked up to all sorts of monitors. We waited impatiently until finally a nurse came out and waved us in.

Bella looked ashen, her face gray, her eyes closed. She had a large tube sticking out from her nose full of black liquid, which was attached to a wall. She also had the same black stuff staining her face around her lips and down her chin.

"What is that?" I asked the nurse, motioning to the black smudges on her face.

"Charcoal. They used it to get rid of the drugs in her system. We just haven't had time to wash it away yet."

_Charcoal… stomach pumping… this isn't happening._

Bella didn't wake up the entire time we were there. We were allowed to stay for two hours, before the nurse came in and gently told us that visiting hours would be over soon. Because she was in intensive care, I wouldn't be allowed to stay with her. Even if they would have allowed it, I couldn't, because Carlie was still waiting for me at home.

When it was time to go, I left a lingering kiss on Bella's forehead, and I whispered to her how much I loved her, promising to be back the next day. Charlie then murmured something to her as well, and kissed her temple. I couldn't hear what he said, but I knew he was hurting, almost as much as I was.

It was a solemn walk back to the parking lot, and we parted with an awkward hug. Charlie said he would check on us in the morning, and then I went home- alone.

It was dark when I pulled my car up into the driveway next to Bella's recently repaired Volkswagen. In the dim light, I made out Samantha's form sitting on the trunk her own car in the driveway next to ours.

"Hey, Edward," she called, jumping down and making her way over to me. "How's Bella?"

"Alive, thanks to you," I said. "I honestly can't thank you enough for what you did. All of us were just frozen in shock and you jumped right in and did what needed to be done. You saved her life."

"No thanks necessary," she said. "I knew what to do and I just did it. Anybody would have done the same."

She was so sweet and modest, yet strong and confident. I found it increasingly hard to believe that she was only a senior in high school. "Where did you learn CPR?" I asked her.

"I worked as a lifeguard at summer camp the last two summers. I want to be an EMT or maybe a trauma nurse when I'm done with school- I haven't decided yet."

"Well, whatever you decide, I'm sure you'll do great at it."

"Thanks, Edward. Goodnight. Tell Bella I'm thinking of her when you see her tomorrow."

"I will. Goodnight."

Angie and Ben were waiting in the living room for me when I entered. Angie still looked absolutely heartbroken as Ben held her close to him on the couch.

"Carlie's asleep," Angie said quietly as I came in. "How's Bella?"

"I don't really know, honestly," I answered. "They had to pump her stomach… and… she's unconscious…" I choked out the words, and Angie quickly jumped up and wrapped her arms around me in a comforting hug.

"Do you want us to stay tonight?" she asked.

"No, you guys have to work tomorrow. I'll be okay."

"You shouldn't be alone, man," Ben said.

"I'm really okay. Thanks for watching Carlie for me. I love you guys."

"Love you too man," Ben said, clapping me on the shoulder as Angie gathered their things.

I called out sick to work for the next day, knowing that it would be an unpaid day, but I didn't care.

I checked on Carlie then. Her angelic face was very peaceful under the dim glow of the nightlight. Athena was curled protectively around the base of the crib, watching over her.

As I gazed at my daughter, I wondered what the future held in store for her. Would she be fierce and strong like Samantha, or even Rosalie? Would she be sad and haunted like Bella?

She really was a spitting image of Bella, there was no question about that. Besides just sharing an identical appearance, would Carlie suffer the same anxieties, the same overwhelming sadness that Bella suffered every day of her life?

I spent so many years trying to "fix" Bella, knowing there was only so much I could do. Beyond her pain and sadness, there was a beautiful, vibrant woman who stole my heart the first day I laid my eyes on her. It killed me- literally tore a piece of my soul from me- every time I saw Bella cry, every time an attempt at making her happy failed.

Of course Bella's issues partially stemmed from being abused for most of her life. However, as it had been explained to me many times, she also suffered from a disorder, one that made it nearly impossible for her to cope with her past.

She was sick, and probably always would be. All I could do was love and support her.

Apparently it wasn't enough. I had failed her.

Moreover, there was the simple fact, which I tried not to dwell on too much, that she failed me too. As I stared at our daughter, I found it hard to fight the anger that was building in me. There was more than just me for her to consider now. She nearly left her daughter without a mother. That was practically unforgivable.

I curled up on the nursery floor for the night; sleeping in our big empty bed in our room was just not an option. It would just be a constant reminder that Bella wasn't there. Athena instantly moved to position herself between me and Carlie, and she lay her giant head on the mattress near my head. It was comforting, but it wasn't Bella.

The next morning I woke up, fed and changed Carlie, and watched the clock. Visiting hours didn't start until noon, but in the meantime I had to figure out who could watch Carlie. Everyone I knew was working. Even if Charlie skipped out on work today, he would want to get to the hospital to see Bella as much as I did.

Around eleven, I decided to call Darcy. I asked her if she could stay with Carlie for the afternoon and she happily agreed. Though she wasn't necessarily my favorite person in the world, I trusted her and knew that Carlie would be safe with her. I asked her where Tom was, and she told me he was home, so I asked to speak to him.

When Tom picked up, I told him about everything that transpired yesterday, figuring it would be important for him to know. He was obviously concerned, and offered to join me at the hospital in case she woke up.

Tom dropped Darcy off at my house around ten minutes to noon, and we rode together to the hospital. I let him drive, and I sat in the passenger seat anxiously tugging at my hair, not saying a word.

Tom sighed when he pulled the car into the lot. "I know what you're thinking, Edward," he said. "And you need to stop beating yourself up about this. It's not your fault."

"I should have realized it had gone too far. I shouldn't have left Carlie alone with her."

"Nobody saw that it was that bad. Like I told you both, a lot of mothers suffer from post-partum depression, but we never thought she'd be a danger to Carlie, or to herself. It was something to watch for, sure, but she wasn't displaying any signs that she was suicidal. You need to let go of this guilt you feel. It won't do you, or her, any good."

I tried to take his words to heart and let go of the blame I was placing on myself, but I couldn't, not yet. A few minutes later, we found ourselves in the intensive care unit, outside of Bella's door. A nurse came out as we approached, and she said, "Are you Edward?"

I nodded in response.

"Oh good. I was actually just about to call you. She woke up, and she's asking for you."

"Thanks," I said. "How is she?"

"She's doing better. She woke up with a hell of a headache, but I just gave her something to help. She's still got the nasogastric tube in, but we'll take it out later this evening if she's okay."

"Alright, thank you."

Tom told me he would hang back in the waiting room and asked me to call him if we needed him for anything. He didn't want to overwhelm Bella by being there first thing.

"Edward?" she asked quietly as I entered the room. I took a seat next to her and reached for her hand.

"Yeah, baby, I'm here."

She turned her head to look at me. She looked marginally better than she did yesterday- her face was less gray and more pink, and the tube down her nose wasn't draining that awful black liquid- instead it looked empty. "Are you mad?" she asked in barely a whisper.

"A little," I answered honestly. "Bella, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, I guess. I didn't mean to do it. I was tired, and I wanted to sleep. I don't even remember taking so many," she tried to explain.

"You had nearly thirty pills in that bottle- a month's supply. You're trying to tell me that you took them because you were tired?" My anger with her was quickly rising. I couldn't believe that she was lying to me.

"I didn't try to kill myself," she said pleadingly. "I swear it."

I brought both hands to my head and closed my eyes for a minute to calm myself. I didn't want to yell at her; she didn't need that right now. As I collected myself, I said, "You _were _dead, Bella. When we found you, you were dead! Samantha did CPR on you, and saved your life. If it wasn't for her, we wouldn't even be talking right now."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Carlie was screaming for you. She was alone. Did you even think of her?"

Tears started to well in Bella's eyes. "No. All I could think of was that I just wanted to sleep…"

My chest was tight as I stared at her- so small, so fragile, and so sick. I clutched her hand and brought it to my lips. "I love you, Bella. I love you with everything I have, but I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you self-destruct, and I definitely won't let you endanger Carlie anymore. You need to get help. I'm not talking about just taking your medication and talking to Tom anymore… you need real help."

Her eyes grew impossibly wide as the tears continued to fall down her face. "What are you saying, Edward?"

"I don't know exactly. I'm going to talk to Tom and figure out exactly what would be best for you. Until then…," I trailed off, choking on the words I was about to say. "I can't let you be alone with Carlie anymore."

* * *

><p><strong>AN- **See, no big cliffie here. Edward's finally realized how sick Bella really is, and hopefully between him and Tom she'll get the help she needs. Or maybe not.

Please, please, please, review! I've resorted to begging now...


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"_I love you, Bella. I love you with everything I have, but I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you self-destruct, and I definitely won't let you endanger Carlie anymore. You need to get help. I'm not talking about just taking your medication and talking to Tom anymore… you need real help."_

_Her eyes grew impossibly wide as the tears continued to fall down her face. "What are you saying, Edward?"_

"_I don't know exactly. I'm going to talk to Tom and figure out exactly what would be best for you. Until then…," I trailed off, choking on the words I was about to say. "I can't let you be alone with Carlie anymore."_

The words felt like pure venom coming out of my mouth. I hated to say them, but I couldn't deny anymore what was true. I _couldn't_ sit back and watch her self-destruct. I _couldn't _let her put Carlie in danger while she did so. The wide, tormented stare she gave me only managed to shatter my heart.

"You don't want me around Carlie anymore?" she gasped. "At all?"

"That's not what I said, sweetheart. I said that you couldn't be _alone _with her anymore. Not until you're better."

"But I'm not sick!" she argued.

"You are, though. I shouldn't have let it go this far before I really saw how bad it was. I almost lost you today." Clutching her hand desperately and looking straight into her eyes, I said, "I can't stand to lose you. I love you so much. You're everything to me. Whatever you need to get well, is what we'll do." With a trembling hand, I brushed the tears away from her face.

"I didn't mean to…"

"You keep saying that, baby. But it doesn't change the fact that it happened. When we found you…" I paused and shut my eyes tightly, willing the horrifying image away. With a shuddering breath, I continued. "When we found you, you were blue. I was so sure then that I'd lost you. Without you, life isn't worth living. I mean that."

"I…" she stuttered. "I don't even know what to say to make this right."

"There's nothing you can say," I told her sadly. "Just know that, no matter what, my heart always belongs to you. I love you."

"I love you too. I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

I shushed her with a kiss to her forehead and ran my fingers through her tangled locks.

She settled back against her pillows and turned away from me slightly. I could tell from her posture that she was done talking for now, so I settled back into my chair and got comfortable while we waited for the doctor to tell us what would happen next.

A nurse fluttered in and out throughout the day, and then finally a doctor came in. He seemed like a fairly gruff person, and he stood awkwardly in the corner of the room with his arms crossed and said, "Medically, everything looks good. I'm going to have the nurse come remove that NG tube and we're going to move you up to a regular floor. We have no reason to keep you down here, but I've transferred your care to Psychiatry, and they'll take it from here. Do you have questions?"

Bella shook her head, and I kept my gaze downcast from him, thinking the man probably didn't even know the word compassion. He acted like Bella was a waste of his time, and he had better things to do. I was sure that he had other, sicker patients, but did my wife- the love of my life- deserve such a dismissal from him? I growled under my breath as he left.

The nurse came in shortly thereafter he left and removed the tube in Bella's nose. Bella coughed and sputtered after it was out, and I rubbed her back gently until her coughing fit ceased. Grabbing a tissue, I wiped away the remnants of the charcoal around her nose. As I was finishing up, Tom poked his head in the door.

"Umm, hey guys. Listen, I know I told you I'd keep out of it until you called me in, but I've been assigned to take over your care from here. The regular staff psychiatrist is out on leave, and I've been covering for emergencies, and well… here I am."

"So what now?" Bella asked timidly.

"They're going to move you up to a regular floor in a few minutes. When you get there, there will be a young lady assigned to sit with you. It's standard protocol after a suicide attempt."

"So you think I need a babysitter?" she asked, glaring at him.

"For now." He pulled up a chair beside the bed. "You need to understand how serious this is. We can't take any chances. We're putting you on what we call 'suicide precautions' and a patient sitter is standard practice. You don't have to talk to her; you don't even have to look at her if you don't want to. Her job is to make sure that you don't harm yourself in any way."

"Okay," she said, resigned.

"After you get settled upstairs, I'm going to come and talk to you for a while, probably adjust your medications, and we'll discuss your discharge plans. Sounds good?"

"I guess."

"Alright," he said gently. "I'll see you upstairs." I knew that this situation must be hard for Tom as well, as their relationship was more friendly than professional over the years. I thought that there might even be a conflict of interest with him taking over her care, but it appeared that there weren't other options. No matter what, she just needed to get well.

A tech came by shortly after to put Bella in a wheelchair, and I followed them in the elevator up to the top floor, where she was brought to a private room. As promised, there was a young girl standing outside the door waiting, and she introduced herself as Lucy. Bella- obviously embarrassed by the necessity of having a sitter there- didn't even acknowledge her presence, but Lucy didn't seem to mind. She was probably used to it. I gave her a polite smile in greeting and waited while Bella got settled in the bed.

I was asked to step outside when Tom returned to talk to her more in depth. I used the time to call Charlie and update him on Bella's progress. I told him not to bother coming by- Bella was stressed and probably wouldn't be up for visitors, but that I would tell her that he was thinking of her.

After a quick bite to eat, I came back to see Bella and Tom was just finishing up. He told me to take my time saying goodbye and that he'd drive me home when I was ready to go.

Attempts at talking to Bella were futile. Her discussion with Tom seemed to have worn her down. She was stressed and shut down inwardly, so all I could do was leave her a parting kiss and tell her I would see her the next day.

On the way home, Tom didn't discuss what he and Bella had spoken about, and I didn't ask. I knew he wouldn't tell me anyway.

The following day, I wasn't able to see Bella until well after three o'clock. Early in the day, she called me crying- twice- begging me to come by. I explained to her, as calmly as I could, that there was nobody available to sit with Carlie, but that Sue was going to pick her up after work. That didn't really appease Bella, as she sobbed and said that the nurses and sitter were treating her like a prisoner, the food was awful, she felt fine, and she just wanted to go home. "They won't even let me shut the door when I pee," she had wailed. Her cries were breaking my heart, and there was nothing I could do.

I was anxiously pacing in the foyer when I finally heard Sue's car pull up. I already had Carlie packed and ready to go, and the few minutes it took to move the car seat from my car to hers were excruciatingly long. Bella was hurting and needed me, and it was tearing me apart to be separated from her.

When I finally made it to the hospital, and up to Bella's room, I found that Lucy was there again today, but she was sitting in a chair outside Bella's room.

"Hey, Lucy," I greeted her. "How's Bella doing?"

"Umm… okay, I guess. She's been crying a lot, and I couldn't get her to eat breakfast or lunch. Maybe you can get her to eat dinner?"

"I'll try," I assured her. Motioning to the closed door, I asked, "What's going on?"

"Oh, her doctor is here and he asked me to step out for a few minutes."

I nodded in understanding, and leaned against the wall on the other side of the door, figuring I should give them some time. I could hear voices, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. After a couple of minutes, I distinctly heard Bella shouting. I froze with my hand near the doorknob, debating on whether or not just to barge in or give them a minute. When the shouting inside didn't cease, I chose to just go in.

Bella was sitting straight up in her bed, legs crossed, her finger pointed at Tom angrily. "Edward!" she yelled at me when I entered. "Thank God you're here! Tell him he can't do this to me!"

"Do what, Bella?"

"He can't put me in that fucking place! I won't go!" she yelled.

"Bella, as I explained before, I am not giving you an option this time," Tom said calmly.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked him.

"I was explaining to Bella that I made some calls and was able to get her into a good facility. She'll be under the care of one of my close friends who I trust implicitly. It's a very nice place, very unlike the facility she was in when she was in Phoenix."

"Fuck you!" she shouted, and I took an involuntary step backwards. Though I'd seen her temper before, it didn't come out often. "Edward, tell him I'm not going."

I swallowed hard and looked at the floor. Did I wish Tom had talked to me first? Yes. Did I disagree with his decision? Not really. I would talk to him about the details later, but if he found a place that could help Bella get well, then who was I to argue?

"Bella… you need to go. I'm sorry, but if it's what's best for you, then I have to agree with Tom."

"You're all against me!" she screamed. Flinging her legs over the side of the bed, she rose to her feet quickly. "I'm done. I'm leaving."

"No, you're not," I said firmly, moving to stand in front of her. Her eyes were wild as she sized me up, and I could tell she was seconds from having a full-blown panic attack. Very softly, I said in a pleading tone, "Please… you know this is the best thing."

She stared at me for a few moments, breathing heavy. Suddenly, she brought both hands up and shoved at me, trying to knock me out of her way. When she failed, she balled up her fists and started to pound on my chest. It didn't really hurt, as she was still a little weak, but Tom tried to pull her away from me nonetheless. This only set her off more, and she started thrashing and screaming and pummeling me with her little fists. I firmly pushed her shoulders down so that she was back on the bed, and then she trashed some more, so violently that I feared she would hurt herself.

Hearing the commotion, the nurse entered and Tom asked her to bring something in to calm her down. He was rattling off instructions quickly, and I didn't follow- I was too busy trying to keep Bella from hurting herself or someone else. Tears were streaming down her face as she continued to struggle and tried to release herself from my hold. When the nurse reentered, she had a syringe in her hand, and Tom maneuvered himself and planted his hands firmly on her legs to keep her from kicking as the nurse drove the needle down into her thigh.

Bella continued to cry and hit me for about five more minutes before she began to relax, no doubt a combination of the medication working and her tiring herself out. She flopped back against the bed, breathing heavily, tears still rolling down her face. Eventually, her eyes closed and her breaths evened out, and I knew she was asleep.

Then, and only then, did I allow myself to cry.

* * *

><p>"You can't pack that one, Bella. It has a drawstring," I told her gently. She glared at me and balled up her favorite hoodie, then chucked into the back of her closet.<p>

"I can't believe you're on board with this," she muttered.

I bit my tongue. Bella was furious with me, and nothing I could say would make her feel better.

Tom gave Bella permission to go home for the night, so that she could pack and say goodbye to Carlie, so long as I promised to stay with her. In the morning, I would be driving her to Olympia, and Pacific Vista Psychiatric Institute.

It actually did look like a nice place from the brochure we were given. While she was there, she would participate in both individual and group therapy, and her physician would monitor her medications and adjust them as necessary. Most importantly, she would be monitored closely for suicidal ideation, and would be supervised at all times.

We were given a list of things that she could and couldn't bring, and that sadly included her favorite hoodie.

"Why don't you just pack for me then? If I can't bring what I fucking want, then I'm not even going to bother."

"Where are you going?" I asked, as she started to storm out of the room.

"To check on Carlie," she answered shortly. I sighed and finished packing for her. I made sure to slip a couple of family photos into Bella's journal, including some of me, her dad, and Carlie. She could have pictures at the facility, but no frames. I shuddered to think of what a suicidal person could do with a picture frame.

As I quickly finished up, I could hear Bella shuffling around the nursery via the baby monitor. I set Bella's bag by the front door and joined her in. Bella was just settling Carlie down into her crib. She brushed past me and out the door without another word.

I followed her into the living room, and begged, "Can we talk, please?"

"What could you possibly want to talk about?" she asked, crossing her arms defensively.

"This will be our last time together for a while, and I just want to be with you." Sadly, I would only be able to see Bella on the weekends.

"And why is it that this will be our last time together? Because you're forcing me to do something you know I'll hate? You act like you don't care about me at all!"

"How can you say that?" I exclaimed. "Of course I care."

Her face fell, and her words became softer. "Then don't make me go," she whispered, her eyes full of sorrow. "Please."

I pulled her into my arms. "Baby, even if I had a real choice in the matter, I would still want you to go. I want you to get better. Don't you?"

She nodded into my shoulder. "I've hurt you so much. I'm so sorry. I just want to do the right thing. I want to do the right thing for you… for Carlie."

"You are," I assured her. "Everything will be okay."

"I'll miss you. I love you. So much."

I tilted her face up so that I could kiss her on the lips. "I love you too. It's not goodbye though. I can visit every weekend."

We were interrupted by a wail sounding from the nursery. I kissed Bella's forehead gently and said, "I'll get her. Just sit down and relax."

Bella opened her mouth, as if she were going to say something else, then nodded. I retreated to the nursery and picked Carlie up out of her crib. She was dry and she'd just been fed, so I wasn't sure what she needed. I sat down in the rocking chair next to the crib and rocked her for a few minutes until she quieted down and began to drift off. I allowed myself a few minutes to stare at her and watch her sleep, then kissed her tiny head and set her back in the crib.

When I returned to the living room, I felt that familiar feeling of dread. Bella wasn't there, and the bag I'd set by the door was missing.

I dashed to the front door and flung it open in time to see Bella's Volkswagen pulling away quickly. "Shit!" I screamed out into the night. I made a move for my car, instinctually wanting to go after her, but then realized I had no keys, no wallet, no shoes, and no coat. Most importantly, I had no baby.

I let out a quick stream of curses as I rushed back into the house. I called Charlie first. "Charlie, I need your help. Bella took off on me, and I need you to help me find her."

He didn't argue. I hoped he would get some of his deputies involved too, maybe some of his friends on the reservation.

This was bad. This was really, really bad.

I dialed Tom as I pulled on my shoes. "Tom, it's Edward. Bella went missing. I went into the nursery for a few minutes, and when I came back out, I saw her pulling away in her car."

"Did you try to call her?"

"No, her phone's still here," I said. Desperate, I pled, "Please, you have to help me."

"Okay, calm down. Darcy and I will leave now. She can stay with Carlie and we'll go look for her, okay?"

"Thank you," I said, hanging up. Gathering everything I needed, I paced anxiously waiting for him to arrive.

Tom, Charlie, and I, along with everyone available police unit in Forks, searched for Bella that night.

I'd like to say that we found her.

I'd like to say that she came home of her own volition, realizing that she needed help.

I'd like to say that in the morning, I took her to Olympia and she was admitted, got well and came home to me.

Unfortunately, none of that happened. Little did I know, that was the last time I would see Bella for a long, long time.

* * *

><p><strong>AN- **The story doesn't end here, of course. We still have a few more chapters to go!

Thanks for all the awesome reviews on the last chapter. You guys really came through for me!

Anybody have any fanfic recs for me? I'm looking for something new to read :) In return, I'll give you one:

_Seeing Bella _by sherryola. It's one of my favorite stories I'm reading now. It's a Twilight AU where Bella is blind, and Alice saw her coming in advance. It's amazing, you should give it a read if you haven't already!


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**Five years later**

* * *

><p>Original Message<p>

Sent December 21 (7:02am)

From:

To:

Subject: client id # 040629

Mr. Volturi,

I am writing once again to respectfully request that you re-evaluate the case of my daughter, Carlie Alice Cullen. Her child psychiatrist, Dr. R. Banner, has recommended a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which has been repeatedly denied approval.

On a personal note, as a single father, I am unable to provide the cost of this therapy without assistance. I have been employed by the Forks public school system for seven years, and have been paying into the health insurance plan since the beginning of my tenure.

My daughter suffers daily from severe anxiety, even at her young age. Weekly therapy sessions with her psychiatrist have helped moderately, but I fear, as does Dr. Banner, that these sessions are not enough. My daughter would benefit from more structured, intense therapy, and I fear that her condition will deteriorate unless she receives the recommended care.

I have included the office number for Dr. Banner at the end of this email. Please call him or me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

Edward. A. Cullen

* * *

><p>Message<p>

Sent December 21 (9:08 am)

From:

Subject: re: client id # 040629

Mr. Cullen,

I have received your message, as well as the several appeals prior. Once again, I must decline your request for this company to cover the cost of CBT for your daughter. As explained to you earlier, given her age, this type of therapy is simply not covered under your plan.

Your specific health plan covers one sixty-minute session, once per week, with a mental health professional. This plan is similar to, if not superior to, the basic plans for most HMOs.

When your daughter reaches the age of ten, she may be eligible for more intensive therapies. Until then, there is nothing more that we can do. Please be advised that any further appeals will also be denied. Your case has reached the top tier of appeals and will not be approved. I request that you cease further correspondence with us on this issue.

Sincerely,

Aro Volutri

Senior Vice President of Claims Services

Pacific Health Insurance Co.

Seattle, WA

* * *

><p>I groaned in frustration and slammed the lid of my laptop down.<p>

_Now what am I supposed to do?_

Carlie was suffering, and she got worse every day. Her therapy wasn't helping much, and she was too young for medication. Dr. Banner kept pressing me to see a specialist in Port Angeles who could try cognitive behavior therapy, but it was expensive- prohibitively so.

I was still working in my same position at Forks Middle, teaching music, though the passion I once had for the subject had long since disappeared. Everything I ever had a passion for disappeared when Bella did- except Carlie of course.

Carlie was my world, my only joy in this world. And yet I had to sit every day and watch her suffer the same disease that destroyed her mother.

I truly felt that my sole purpose in life was to make sure that Carlie didn't suffer the same way Bella did. I was determined to give Carlie everything she needed to have a happy, normal, productive life. Everything that Bella didn't have.

Unfortunately, I had to live within my means.

Between regular bills and expenses, the copays for Carlie's medical appointments, day care, clothes and food, I could only afford to put a meager amount in savings every month. The treatment needed was thousands of dollars.

If my health insurance would pocket, even just _some_ of the cost, I could do what was best for my daughter.

Everyone kept telling me the same thing though, that she was too young.

"_Anxiety disorders can't usually be diagnosed until the child is much older."_

"_Your child is simply too young."_

"_There hasn't been enough data to prove that psychoanalysis or behavioral therapy are even beneficial in the long term."_

I even asked Jasper to help me. He was enrolled in law school now, and he brought the case to one of his professors, who told him there was nothing I could do. The guidelines in my health insurance plan were laid out pretty clearly. The bare minimum was what they would cover, nothing more.

I may not have been a medical professional, but I knew the difference between what was normal and what was not.

It was _not _normal for a child to make herself physically ill as she worried about even the most mundane things.

Starting kindergarten was the biggest challenge for her yet. She had been at school since September, and every day when she came home she was more forlorn than the last. I'd had many conferences with her teacher, who told me the same thing over and over.

Carlie was different. She didn't interact with the other children. When asked why, she said she was afraid they wouldn't like her. She worried constantly about making sure her schoolwork was perfect, making herself absolutely sick if she so much colored outside a line.

And that was just the small stuff. No matter how many days she had to get used to Miss Darcy picking her up from school and staying with her until I got home from work, she would pace and cry and worry that something happened to me. Darcy was very patient, and after a couple of weeks of this, I took back everything negative I'd ever said or thought about the woman- she was a saint.

From the little things to the major things, Carlie never had any peace. Something was always going through her head, something to worry about. She hardly ever smiled or laugh, because the little wheels in her brain were constantly wondering what the worst case scenario of every situation was. At least, that's how Dr. Banner explained it.

And Goddamn my health insurance company. I bet if they spent one day with her they would cover her therapy instantly. No child should have to live like this.

I had to compose myself before I let Carlie see me. She fed off negative emotions; if someone else was distressed about something, she was distressed tenfold. It didn't matter what it was.

I returned to the living room where I left her a few minutes ago watching cartoons while I checked my email. I found her in the same position I left her in, but she wasn't looking at the television anymore. Instead, she was gazing pensively at the little Christmas tree in the corner, biting her lower lip, just like Bella always did.

Carlie looked so much like Bella that it honestly hurt my heart sometimes to look at her, especially when she displayed some of Bella's mannerisms. _Who knew lip biting was genetic?_

It had been nearly five years since I laid eyes on Bella. I missed her every day. She was, and always would be, the love of my life. Everyone kept telling me that as time passed, things would get easier, that I would start to forget about her.

I couldn't imagine ever forgetting about her. I still loved her, I always have. I hadn't laid a hand on another woman since she disappeared, and I never had any desire to. In my heart, she was my wife, and I vowed to honor that.

Sometimes though, especially when I looked at our beautiful daughter, I got really angry. I couldn't understand how anybody could walk out on her. She was so precious.

And then every time I got angry, I felt a little guilty too. I knew that Bella had been suffering from severe depression, and things were hard on her. If what she had to do was leave us, then fine.

I just wish she would call- just once- so I would know that she was even alive.

What I would give to just hear her voice one more time.

Attempts at looking for her had been futile. Every now and then I still find myself searching her name in Google, but of course nothing ever comes up. We tried missing persons reports and private investigators, but nothing worked. It was as if she disappeared off the face of the earth. Bella had been well versed in the art of disappearing. That was probably the only thing her mother ever taught her.

As I gazed at Carlie, I once again reminded myself that I had to keep moving forward- she was my world now.

"What's wrong princess?" I asked, taking note of her pensive expression.

"I don't want to go to Grandpa Charlie's for Christmas."

"Why not?" I asked, sitting down cross-legged next to her. I was closer to forty than thirty now, and the creaking of my bones reminded me of that sad fact.

"Because then Santa Claus won't find me."

Santa Claus not showing up for Christmas morning was a reasonable fear for a child her age, but I knew that if I didn't put an end to her concern, she would obsess over it to the point she was sick. Once she got an idea in her head, she would be unable to relax until either it was resolved, or something else came along on which to focus her anxiety.

"Carlie, remember when I explained to you that Grandpa Charlie can't go to Seattle this year to visit Emma?"

"Yes," she answered, wringing her hands together, looking at the ground.

"So he wants you and Emma to open your gifts together at his house, so he can see you both open your presents at the same time."

"Because Grandpa Charlie is sick?" she clarified.

"Yeah, honey. Because he's sick," I answered carefully.

"So how will Santa find me?"

"Because Grandpa Charlie talked to him and told him you would be there." As I winged it, I made a mental note to tell Charlie the story I told her.

Then I was blindsided by her next question.

"Is Grandpa Charlie going to die?"

I was prepared for this question though. I discussed it with Dr. Banner already. Lying to her would only cause problems further down the line.

"Yes, princess. He is going to die. But he'll be here for Christmas. That's why we want to make this the best Christmas ever for him, right?"

She started chewing on her lower lip again. "So Santa knows where to go?"

"He does. I promise."

I was foolish to think the conversation would end there. Without warning, her big brown eyes filled with tears and she started breathing heavy. I could practically see her heart beating out of her chest through her sweater.

"Princess, it's okay," I murmured, scooping her into my arms and pulling her to my chest. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want Grandpa to die!" she wailed.

I was literally clueless. I had no idea how to proceed from here. So I just let her cry until she was finished.

"We just have to make sure that we make the most of our time left with Grandpa, right?" she nodded into my chest.

"What if Grandpa dies and then you die too? The other kids in my class have a mommy, but I don't. I'll be all alone."

"You'll never be alone. There are so many people who love you, like Uncle Emmett and Auntie Rose, and Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice. I'm not sick like Grandpa is. I'll be okay. I'll be with you for a long time." There was one thing that I made sure to do every single day, and that was to make sure that Carlie knew she was loved. That was the one thing that Bella never seemed to understand.

"You promise?" she asked, sniffling and looking up at me.

"Promise," I answered, kissing the tears off her cheeks.

Carlie focused her attention back on the TV, but I saw her gaze keep shifting to me, as if to make sure I was still there. I disappeared back into the bedroom to call Dr. Banner, and explained the conversation we had this morning. He reaffirmed that I did the right thing by being honest with her. We didn't want to deal with the consequences of lying about it later.

A year ago, Charlie had been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, and was given eight months to live. That son of a bitch was stubborn and lasted an extra four months. He went through two rounds of chemotherapy before he decided enough was enough. He didn't want to go through another round and decided his fate. He wanted to die at home with dignity. His health was quickly failing though, and we knew he didn't have much longer.

Sue took a leave of absence and has stayed with him every day. The family watched helplessly as Charlie seemed to waste away to practically nothing. He was a shell of a man he once was- too thin, too frail- but something was keeping him alive. It was as if he was waiting for something to happen.

Though he never said it, I was sure he was waiting for Bella. Her disappearance had affected him almost as much as it affected me.

He was maniacal about finding her when she disappeared. _"I can't lose her again,"_ I heard him saying to himself more than once.

Neither of us would even consider the very real possibility that Bella was dead. The thought alone was too much to bear.

Later that night, after Carlie had long been asleep, I curled up on my side of the bed I once shared with Bella. I picked up our framed wedding picture that I kept on the nightstand, as I did every night.

Wherever she was, I just hoped she was happy.

* * *

><p><em>December 25<em>

"Come on, Princess, it's time to go."

Carlie put on her little backpack she always carried and took my hand. It housed some of her very favorite possessions, and she was afraid to ever leave it behind. "Are you _sure_ Santa found Grandpa's house?" she asked me again.

"I'm sure," I said smiling. "I talked to Grandpa myself this morning, and he said there are a whole bunch of presents waiting for you and Emma. He can't wait for you to get over there so he can watch you open them."

"Okay," she said, still unconvinced. I sighed. No matter how many years had passed, I would never get used to the fact that Carlie hardly ever smiled, or laughed. She was like an old soul stuck in a tiny body.

When we pulled up in front of Charlie's house, I opened the back door for Carlie, but she didn't budge from her booster seat after it was unbuckled. "You ready?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Is the big dog going to be there?"

She was referring to Athena. When Carlie was three, she developed a fear of Athena after she barked too loud once. Athena was a very docile creature, always very gentle with Carlie, but Carlie started to have major anxiety issues whenever she was around. Eventually, the panic became so bad that I was forced to give Athena to Charlie.

"No baby, Sue is going to put her in the garage like she always does. The big dog won't bother you." When her tension didn't fade, I asked, "Is something else wrong?"

"Grandpa is sick," she said.

"Yes, he is sick," I answered carefully.

"Can he make me sick?"

"No, he's not that kind of sick. He's not contagious."

"What's contagious?"

"It means his kind of sick can't make other people sick too."

"Will I hurt him if I touch him?"

"No, you won't hurt him," I assured her.

She frowned and furrowed her eyebrows. "I won't though, just in case."

I frowned at her declaration and said, "I think Grandpa Charlie would be very sad if he didn't get a hug from you today."

_It might be the last one he ever gets, _I reluctantly admitted to myself.

When I finally coaxed Carlie out of the car, I took her hand and we made our way up to the doorstep. It was Rosalie who greeted me first when I entered the house. "Edward!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around me and kissing my cheek. "Merry Christmas, and thank God you're here. I thought Emma's head was going to start spinning like the girl in _The_ _Exorcist_ if she didn't open her gifts soon," she joked.

"Yeah, sorry we're a little late," I said, my eyes darting to Carlie. Rosalie smiled gently in understanding. We were often late for things. No matter how much time I planned to get somewhere early, I often had to calm Carlie down before even doing the simplest of things. The whole family understood Carlie's anxiety, and they were all very supportive and understanding.

"And how are you today Miss Carlie? Are you excited about opening your gifts?" Rosalie asked, squatting down to Carlie's level.

"I guess so," Carlie said. I could tell her mind was still on Charlie as we made our way into the living room.

I found Charlie in his favorite chair, literally propped up on pillows. Although thin and deathly pale, he had a smile on his face. I shook his hand gingerly and he scolded me immediately.

"I have cancer, I'm not made of glass," he said gruffly.

I corrected myself with a smirk and a proper handshake. "Merry Christmas, old man."

"Least my hair ain't getting gray, like some people I know," he said, narrowing his eyes at me. I chuckled at Charlie's lame joke. The man had no hair anymore.

Even after Bella's abrupt departure, Charlie never treated me any different. He always treated me like his own, and he'd been my rock for so long. I don't know how I would have survived the last few years without him. The thought of losing him was painful, but inevitable.

Charlie was right about my hair though; it started to go gray the moment Bella left and got grayer by the day. I had some seriously gray hair around the edges, but most people said I looked distinguished.

Emmett entered then with a squealing Emma thrown over his shoulder, and he tossed her unceremoniously in front of the Christmas tree, under which presents were literally overflowing.

"Now can we open them?" Emma asked her parents, exasperated, and they nodded excitedly.

I watched as Emma tore into her presents like a wild woman, while Carlie set a neat stack of the ones addressed to her and opened each one carefully, as if each were the most precious thing in the world.

"What's wrong, pumpkin? You don't like your gifts?" Emmett asked, plopping himself down on the floor next to her.

She shied away from him a little. I think his sheer size always intimated her a little bit.

"I don't want to break anything," she answered carefully.

Emmett smiled gleefully at her and reached into the massive pile and pulled out a gift. "This one is from me and Auntie Rose. I promise that you can't break it. It's an unbreakable toy. I want you to go nuts on this one, okay? Tear into it!"

Carlie stared at him skeptically.

"Here, check it out. I'm so sure that this won't break, watch what I'm going to do." He picked it up and tossed it up and down in the air a few times, then shook it roughly. "See? Go nuts."

It warmed my heart when Carlie smiled a little bit, and I watched her tear into wrapping paper without abandon. She giggled a little when she uncovered a plush stuffed Teddy Bear, which, once out of the package, was almost as big as she was.

"It's big!" she squealed.

"Just like you!" he said back, kissing her on the top of her head. I took a quick picture. Carlie giggling was definitely not something I got to see every day.

When we were finished unwrapping presents, the living room was absolutely covered in paper. As we started cleaning, Emmett pulled another package from behind the tree. It was wrapped differently than the others, and he frowned at it. "I don't remember seeing this when we- I mean Santa- put the presents under the tree." He looked over at Emma and Carlie to make sure that they didn't hear his slip, and they didn't. Peering at the tag, he shrugged and tossed it to me. "It's addressed to you, man."

I read the tag, but it was printed on computer paper. All it said was "To Edward, Merry Christmas." I opened the paper carefully and uncovered a hard covered book. _Learning to Love Again, _I read. _By Marie Dwyer. _Turning the book over, I read the description. _One woman's story of overcoming abuse and depression, and learning to love herself – and others._

I stared back up at Emmett. "Is this some kind of joke?" I asked, utterly confused. He shrugged, and I could plainly see he had nothing to do with it. I looked over at Sue and Rosalie, who were just eyeing me curiously. I had no idea how the book got there, or why the hell whoever bought it for me that would think I wanted to read something like that. It bordered on cruel.

Before I could blow a gasket, the telltale signs of Carlie beginning to have a panic attack distracted me. I could hear her breathing pick up and little sounds in the back of her throat signaling she was about to cry. I looked up quickly and she was standing in front of Charlie's chair, staring up at him.

"I don't want you to die," she said, her voice trembling. I made a move to go to her, but Charlie put his hand up to stop me.

"Come here, sweetheart," he said, opening his arms in invitation. I watched their exchange out of the corner of my eye as I packed Carlie's gifts into an empty bag.

"Come on up, I won't hurt you," he said, patting his lap.

"I don't want to hurt _you_."

"You won't hurt me, but you'll hurt my feelings if you don't come up here."

She climbed up slowly into his lap and he put an arm around her.

"See, you didn't hurt me kiddo," he said with a smile.

Carlie gave him a hug and whispered something in his ear. My heart clenched when I saw a tear roll down his cheek.

"I love you too, sweetheart," he answered her. "But I'll always be with you, right here," he said, pointing to her heart.

Carlie sniffled and buried her face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him, every now and then kissing the top of her head.

Overcome by emotion, I let the mysterious book fall into the bag, forgotten for the moment.

* * *

><p><em>AN- _Thanks for all the support, reviews, and recs! I have more material now than I can read in a lifetime :)

Please take a second and let me know what you thought about this chapter. I'll post more as soon as I can :)


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Three nights after Christmas, I was lying wide awake for the second night in a row. The insomnia was brutal, and I had no idea what was causing it. Something was nagging me, and I couldn't place my finger on it. Whatever it was, it was enough to keep me awake.

I groaned and rolled out of bed. It was four in the morning, so even if I could fall asleep I would have to get up in a couple of hours anyway. Carlie was usually an early riser.

Out in the kitchen, I started the coffee. Something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. There on the counter, half hidden under a loaf of bread, was that damn book. I'd forgotten about it until now.

While the coffee brewed, I opened the front cover to the dedication. _Dedicated to the love of my life. _

Fucking beautiful.

I slammed the cover of the book closed, when I noticed the author's name again. _Marie Dwyer, _I thought. _Why does that name sound so familiar? _I felt like I should know that name from somewhere, but I was drawing a mental blank. Lack of sleep would do that to you, I guessed.

Once the coffee was ready, I grabbed a mug and retreated to the bedroom where I kept my laptop. Unable to contain the nagging feeling, I typed in the author's name into a search engine. It got several hits, all about the same book. I pulled open the author's Wiki page and got hardly anything.

"Not much is known about the author, as she has refused all public interviews. Despite her lack of self-promotion, her book has worked its way onto the New York Times bestseller list, and sales continue to rise. The author's name is suspected to be a penn name…"

I stopped reading there. Not much help.

I opened the book to the first chapter and started to read. The passage on the first page was as oddly familiar to me as the name on the cover. I got the bizarre feeling that I'd read it somewhere before.

Deep in thought, trying to remember where I might have read the passage before, I was interrupted by a shriek coming from Carlie's room. "Not again," I groaned. Carlie's nightmares had been so bad lately they were actually starting to make her sick. When she didn't sleep through the night, she got cranky and her stomach would act up. When her stomach acted up, then the tantrums started. When the tantrums started, the vomiting started. It was a vicious cycle.

"Dadddyyy!" she shrieked as I was just outside the door. I barged in and found her sitting straight up in bed, her hair in complete disarray, and tears streaming down her face. I flicked on the light and came to her side, pulling her quickly into my arms.

"Another bad dream, princess?"

"You're okay…" she said, as if she were surprised to see me.

"I'm okay," I assured her. "It was just a dream. Can you tell me about it?"

"I woke up and you were gone."

"I'm not gone, though. I'm right here."

"Stay with me?" she asked, rubbing her eyes. As if it was in my power to refuse her anything.

I helped her get settled back under the covers and kissed her head. She drifted off again quickly. The princess themed bed that Alice picked out for her was adorable, but there wasn't room for me in it, so I pulled out the pillow and blanket I kept under the bed and stretched out on the floor next to her. I knew if she woke up and I wasn't there, we weren't going to have a good day.

I could have brought Carlie back to my room to sleep in my bed. I knew that was what she wanted. I only recently convinced her to sleep in her own room though, and I didn't want to go back on the progress we made. Instead I ended up sleeping on the floor of her room most mornings. I thought it would be easier to just have her start sleeping in my room again, because that seemed to stop the nightmares.

I just had to keep convincing myself that I was doing the right thing, because it absolutely broke my heart when she woke up in tears.

Ever since Carlie learned that Charlie was sick, she'd been having awful dreams about death. She became preoccupied with it. I don't think she even really could process what it actually meant for one to die, but she definitely understood that when somebody died, they wouldn't be around anymore.

She was terrified of being alone. I guess in a way, I was too. We were all each other really had.

Later, after Carlie awoke, I was happy that she wasn't completely exhausted. She was a little bleary eyed, but no more so than usual. I was able to get her to eat breakfast, though she said her tummy hurt. I could swear that she would be the youngest person ever diagnosed with a stress-induced ulcer.

Carlie was allowed the rare luxury of being able to pick out what she wanted to wear for the day. Normally this was an agonizing process for her, and we were always running late. My insistence on stepping in usually led to a temper tantrum that took forever to calm her down from, and then the process would start all over.

Today, though, we had no school, no appointments, and no errands to run. It was a completely free day for us, and much needed too. Emmett and Rosalie, who were still in town, were coming over for lunch, but that was the only thing on our agenda.

Carlie insisted on helping with lunch, so I planned to start early. It was a simple menu really- peanut butter and jelly for the girls, ham sandwiches for the adults. I made the adult meals, and Carlie wanted to make the sandwiches for her and her cousin. By the time I made our three and poured a bowl of chips, Carlie was still spreading peanut butter on the first slice with her little plastic knife, at an agonizingly slow pace.

"You're doing good, princess," I praised her, and she nodded in concentration. It literally hurt my heart that the act of making a sandwich was causing her stress, but I was determined to let her do it- no matter how long it took her to make it perfect. She finally finished as Rosalie and Emmett rang the doorbell.

"Hi, Carlie!" Emma yelled, running into the kitchen, startling her. She almost fell off the little stool she was still standing on, but righted herself quickly.

"Hi, Emma," she answered shyly. "I made lunch."

"Cool! Mom said that we can play dress up after lunch. Do you want to play with me?" Emma asked excitedly.

Carlie looked down at her feet and bit her lower lip. "I don't know how to play," she said quietly.

Rosalie smiled at their little exchange and said, "It's okay, Carlie. Uncle Emmett doesn't know how to play either, so we can teach you both."

Emmett silently raised his eyebrows and huffed when Rosalie didn't relent. He looked at me for support, but I threw my hands up in mock surrender.

Rosalie brought the juice boxes and sandwiches out to the kids' play table, and we settled around the breakfast bar.

"How's Dad?" I asked quietly, not wanting Carlie to overhear.

Emmett's ever-present smile faded. "Uh… not so good today. His breathing is getting pretty rough. Sue wanted to take him to the hospital, but he refused. He said he's ready to go."

"Damn," I muttered, not knowing what else to say.

"Rosie and I said our goodbyes this morning. We're going back later, but… just in case, you know?"

"I need to see him," I decided aloud.

"You should," Rosalie said kindly. "Why don't you go now, while we're here? We can keep Carlie distracted so you can take your time."

"You sure?" I asked. "She can be a handful sometimes."

"Edward, we know. We can handle it. Just go."

I didn't want to leave Carlie- I never did. There were some things I wanted -needed- to say to Charlie though. Hearing now that he'd begun to take a turn for the worse, I wasn't sure how much time I would have left.

I called Carlie over and pulled her up to my lap. "Carlie, I have to go out for a little while. Uncle Emmett and Auntie Rose are going to stay with you until I get back, okay?"

"Why are you leaving?" she asked suspiciously.

"I just have to take care of something. I promise you that I'll be back soon."

"You promise you'll come back?"

"Promise," I said, kissing her nose. She wrinkled it slightly. I hoped she wouldn't throw a tantrum while I was gone. She was really only comfortable with a few people: namely Charlie, Sue, and Darcy. She was only just starting to warm up to her Kindergarten teacher, and after four months of being in school. At first, I thought I was going to have to pull her out and homeschool her or put her into special classes, because she was having behavior problems. Luckily, her teacher was very patient and understanding of Carlie's condition, and she'd been doing a little better in class.

Charlie's house was very quiet when I entered. I was accustomed to letting myself in over the years, so just walked right on through. Athena greeted me happily at the door, and I took a few minutes to roll on the floor with her and let her lick my face. I missed having her around the house. I knew Sue wouldn't mind holding onto her once Charlie passed, but I was hoping that I could warm Carlie up to the idea of her maybe moving back in with us. One step at a time though…

I made my way up the stairs where I knew Sue and Charlie would be, and announced my presence. Their bedroom door was shut, but I saw Sue emerge from the bathroom. She looked as if she'd been crying.

"Hey, Edward. I'm glad you're here," she sniffled. "Emmett told you?"

"Yeah. How are you? Are you holding up okay?"

"Yeah, I knew this was coming. It's just really hard now that it's here, you know?"

I nodded and hugged her. Motioning to the door, I asked her silently for permission to enter, and she nodded. "I need to get a few things from the store while you're here. I don't want to leave him, but since you're here, I should probably go. I won't be too long."

I knocked on Charlie's door gently and heard a quiet groan on the other side. I opened the door and stuck my head in. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, come on, Edward. Good to see you, son."

"You too, Dad," I answered, sitting on the bed beside him. "Emmett told me you weren't feeling too good this morning."

One thing about Charlie- he didn't sugar-coat things. "I think it's time for me to go."

I tried to hold back the tears threatening to escape. "I know you're not one for speeches… but I just wanted to make sure to tell you how much I appreciate every single thing you've done for me over the years. You got me on my feet when my parents died, you helped me take care of Alice." I choked on the next words. "You gave me Bella…"

"I know that you're probably mad at her," Charlie said. "Hell, I was too. I refuse to die angry though; I've made my peace with it. I know in my heart that she's alive, and that one day she'll realize what she's done and come back to you. When she does… take care of her. Despite her mistakes, she's still my little girl, and I entrusted her to you. Take care of her, and that beautiful little girl of yours. You're a great father, Edward. I'm really proud of the man you've become."

I didn't fight the tears that came now. "I couldn't have done any of this without you," I choked. "I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, son. Now, go on home to your little girl. She needs you more than I do."

I squeezed his hand as tightly as I dared. "Take care of yourself, old man."

He nodded gruffly and his eyes fluttered closed. His breathing was even, but the wheezing was audible. I could tell he was suffering. In a way, I wished he would go to the hospital to ease his distress. On the other hand, I completely respected his wish to die alone.

Sue was coming back as I left. She promised me she would take care of him. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told her to call me if she needed anything.

I had to sit behind the wheel for several minutes to compose myself. Carlie couldn't see me this torn up.

When I made it home, my mood lightened immediately as soon as I walked in the door.

Emmett was sitting in the living room, surrounded by the girls, wearing a pink tiara that was much too small for his head, gaudy jeweled earrings, and a pink feather boa. I couldn't help but bust out laughing at him. I was red faced and wheezing, until Carlie spoke up.

"Daddy, you shouldn't laugh at Uncle Emmett," she admonished me. I quieted immediately and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "He's a very pretty princess."

Laughter bubbled up again, and it was all I could do to not fall on the floor. Rosalie was trying to hide her snickering behind her hand, but soon she was in tears too.

"He _is_ a pretty princess," I told Carlie. "You're right about that. Did you have fun?"

"I didn't want to wear the clothes, so Auntie Rose told me to put them on Uncle Emmett."

Emmett rolled his eyes and tore off the boa. "Uncle Emmett is going to go talk to your dad now."

We excused ourselves to the bedroom, the only place with privacy in the house.

"How is he?" Emmett asked.

"The same as when you left," I answered. "I think he's made his peace."

"Yeah, I think so too."

After that, there wasn't really anything more to say. Emmett noticed the book on my nightstand and picked it up. "Figure out who left you this, yet?"

"No, but something's been bothering me all morning. I feel like I should know the author's name for some reason."

"Old friend maybe?"

"I'm not sure…" I trailed off.

That name- so hauntingly familiar… suddenly it hit me like a freight train. Something Bella told me a long time ago.

"I was fifteen when Renee met Phil Dwyer. He was a minor league baseball player and a really good guy. He was the only one of her boyfriends that ever gave me the time of day, in a good way, at least."

Isabella Marie. Phil Dwyer. Could it be a coincidence?

And the title of the book- if it was Bella who wrote it, did that mean she had moved on? With Phil?

I felt sick.

Looking up at Emmett with wide eyes, I said, "Bella wrote it."

"What? No way."

"Seriously. The first passage I read- I thought I read it before somewhere… and the name… shit!" I lunged for my keys on my nightstand and made my way to the one place I hadn't visited in five years- Bella's office. I kept the door locked since the day she left me.

I opened the door and inadvertently coughed at the dust that had gathered over the years. Frantically, I searched through the bottom drawer on the desk where I knew Bella had kept her journals and various other things she'd written. Finally, I found what I needed, buried deep in the drawer. It was a piece she'd written in high school, called Mother, May I?

I thumbed through the pages until I found what I was looking for. Returning to where Emmett was waiting with a confused expression, I slammed the passage down in front of him and then grabbed the book. Opening it to the first page, I said, "Read it. It's almost exactly the same."

"Holy shit," Emmett breathed after he read both passages.

And then I got angry.

"She's been gone for five years, writes a fucking book, comes into Charlie's house and leaves it there for me to find, without a word? What the fuck, man?" I was frantic now, tugging my hair and wearing down my carpet with my pacing.

"Yeah, it's fucked up, but maybe she has an explanation? You gotta' pull yourself together, man."

I put my head between my knees and breathed deep, trying to calm myself. Finally, after a few minutes of silence, I said, "She was here…"

~~FF~~

By the time Rosalie and Emmett left, it was already time for me to fix dinner for Carlie. Luckily they stayed long enough for me to manage to compose myself- or at least appear that way on the outside.

I decided to make pasta- I really wasn't in the mood for anything more creative. As I reached into the high cabinet to pull out the jar of sauce, I realized too late how violently my hands were still shaking. The jar fell out of my hands and landed on the countertop, shattering instantly all over my face, shirt, and arms. I groaned in frustration at the mess. As I turned to grab a towel to clean up the glass, Carlie entered then.

I realized what it must have looked like when I heard her scream. "Daddy, no!"

I must have looked like I just got into a horrific car wreck, the red sauce all over me.

"Carlie, it's just sauce, princess. I'm okay, I'm okay!"

She stood in the middle of the kitchen, wide eyed and panting, on the verge of a major panic attack. I watched as she clutched her stomach, and suddenly the contents of her earlier lunch were on my kitchen floor. She fell to the ground in a heap, trashing and crying. "Daddy, no!"

"I'm okay, princess. I'm okay!"

I wanted to go to her, but I needed to clean the sauce first. I ripped the shirt from my body and tried to wipe the sauce from my hands and face, but just ended up smearing it all over. Finally, I gave up, and I picked her up and moved her to the living room, away from the broken glass. She was still screaming and sobbing.

The doorbell rang, and in my haste to find a towel to clean the mess and calm Carlie down, I simply wretched it open without checking to see who it was.

And then I froze dead in my tracks.

Time stood still around me. There were no movements, no sounds.

"Bella?" I whispered, as if in a trance.

"Hi, Edward," she said simply, as if the past five years of hell she put me through never happened.

She looked beautiful. She'd cut her long hair so it just lay straight and smooth down to her chin. Her eyes looked bright, less haunted. The telltale bags underneath them that I was so used to seeing had seemed to vanish. She stood straighter. Her clothes weren't baggy and ragged like I was used to seeing on her. In fact, she looked like she'd gained a healthy amount of weight. She looked… well.

Carlie's continued screaming broke me out of my trance, and I put myself back into the moment. Then I said the only thing I could think of to say.

"Now's… really not a good time."

Bella's eyes widened briefly and she took an involuntary step backwards. "Oh… um… okay. I shouldn't have just dropped in on you. I'm sorry."

"No… I mean… Carlie… fuck!" I was a stuttering fool. "Come back after nine?" I requested. I couldn't let her go this easy. I wanted- needed- answers from her. This was definitely not the way I'd fantasized about our reunion- her looking polished and put together, and me covered in spaghetti sauce, shirtless, and with a screaming child in the background. "Carlie will be asleep by then," I explained.

She gave me a small smile in response. "I'd like to. I'll see you then?"

"Okay. Hey, um… you really need to go see Charlie."

"I'm not sure if he'll want to see me," she said, shuffling from one foot to the other.

"Trust me. You need to see him. Please," I begged. I knew it would mean the world to him.

"Okay, I will. I'll see you soon, Edward."

And with that, she was gone.

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><p><strong>AN- **Okay, so there were definitely some mixed reviews on the last chapter. I got a lot of hate mail. Nobody seems to be a big fan of Bella, and I don't blame you. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. In the next chapter, Bella and Edward will talk- a lot, and find out what Bella's been up to for the last few years.

I'm aware from the reviews and pms I got that the last chapter drove some people away, even some people that read/comment reguarly. That makes me sad, but for those who have voiced concern, I'm not giving up on this story, and I will see it through to the end. I promise! Thanks to anyone who is still reading! Your support for this story means the world to me :)


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

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><p><em>I opened the door, and there she was. My love, standing on my doorstep. Snow was falling gently around her, the light of the porch lamp illuminating her and all of her beauty. She was an angel, sent from Heaven, directly to my door.<em>

"_Bella," I whispered, reaching out to her, as if she were a mirage. "Is it really you?"_

"_Yes, it's me. I never wanted to leave. I love you so much. It's only ever been you."_

_I took a hesitant step forward and pulled her into my arms. She still smelled the same, like strawberries and fresh flowers, and home. I allowed my lips to trail down the side of her face until they found hers. She responded immediately, and our lips danced in sync, urgent, needy. We were both desperate to right the wrongs of our five-year separation. When we finally broke apart, I gazed deep into her chocolate eyes and took her hand, leading her to the house._

"_Come inside… I want you to meet your daughter."_

* * *

><p>That's how it played out in my head for the last five years. It was just a cheesy fantasy to make the harsh reality of the situation more bearable. I sighed as I washed the last traces of spaghetti sauce off my arms and returned to calm my screaming child.<p>

Carlie had rolled into the fetal position, her face a dark shade of red. She cried and panted, but the screaming had ceased.

I sat on the floor next to her and pulled her to me. "Carlie, I'm okay, see? I'm fine."

She continued to cry as she snuggled into my chest. "It hurts," she whimpered.

"What hurts, princess?"

"My tummy," she answered, clutching it.

"That's because you threw up. You'll feel better soon."

"I'm sorry," she sniffled.

"Shh," I said, stroking her hair. "You couldn't help it."

We stayed like that for a few minutes before she calmed and crawled off my lap. "Are you okay, now?" I asked her.

She nodded, hiccupping a little and rubbing her eyes.

"Why don't you go wash your face and I'll make dinner?"

"I'm not hungry," she protested. "I don't feel good."

"I know you don't, but try to eat something. Please?"

"'Kay," she said, resigned.

Returning to the mess in the kitchen, I mopped up the rest of the sauce and broken glass. Figuring pasta was now a bad idea, I threw some chicken nuggets in the oven. When Carlie emerged, she ate only two pieces and announced that she was full. I think that normally a parent would threaten 'no dessert' if their kid didn't finish a meal, but that never seemed to work on Carlie. After much begging and pleading, I got her to eat one more, and then gave up and ran her a bath.

It was only seven o'clock before Carlie's eyelids began to droop. Normally she went to bed around eight, but on her 'bad' days where she had a tantrum or panic attack, she tended to exhaust herself. This meant a very long night and a very early morning for me.

Normally I would read to Carlie a little bit until she fell asleep, but I only made it through two pages of her favorite story before she was fast asleep. I tucked her in and switched on the lamp beside her bed before I turned off the overhead light. She couldn't sleep without the lamp on.

With Carlie having gone to bed early, I was left with nothing but my own thoughts to occupy me. I tried to keep busy by straightening up the house before Bella came over, but that didn't take my mind off of the visit ahead.

I was nervous, and I knew I shouldn't have been. After all, Bella was the one in the wrong. Bella left Carlie and me. I should be demanding an explanation from her, not worried about what she was going to tell me.

_Has she moved on? Is she home for good? Does she still love me? Why should I care?_

The undeniable truth was that I was still in love with her. No matter how many years passed, that would never change.

Some days, I knew that my life would be easier if I could just let her go. But I couldn't. I'd tried.

She haunted my every thought, my every dream. I saw her every day in Carlie's face. Every piece of furniture in the house reminded me of her, every picture told a story.

Memories flooded my mind until I was completely overwhelmed. I just waited, and remembered our life together, trying to focus on the good. For every good memory I tried to remember, the day she nearly died and the day she left kept invading my thoughts. I felt like I was suffocating.

Then, at precisely nine o'clock, there was a soft knock on the front door.

_She's still punctual at least, _I thought. _At least there are some things that don't change._

My hand trembled on the knob before I took a deep breath and turned it. "Bella," I breathed, as I opened the door.

"Hi," she said, almost shyly, as she once again stood shuffling at the front door. I found myself simply staring at her. There was so much I wanted to say, and I didn't even know where to start. It was only when I saw a notable shiver from her that I realized how cold it was outside.

"Come on in," I said, backing away from the door to let her through. I took her coat as she pulled it off, and I hung it on the rack by the door. I moved to the living room, and she followed me silently. "Do you want something to drink?" I asked, hoping to break the ice.

"No thank you."

Our words were forced, as if it were some stranger I had to entertain instead of my wife. Frustrated, I ran my fingers through my hair and groaned softly. _Why is this so awkward?_

"Have a seat," I offered. I grabbed the baby monitor I still used sometimes from the kitchen counter. If Carlie stirred, I wanted to know. I didn't want to surprise her with a strange woman in the house.

"So how have you been?" Bella asked gently as she took a seat on the couch. I noticed she chose the same spot she always used to sit in. I took a seat in the chair across from her.

"I've been better," I answered shortly.

"The house looks the same," she commented. "Charlie said he took Athena?"

"Yeah," I answered, refusing to offer up an explanation for that. "So you saw him?"

Her eyes downcast, she said quietly. "Yeah, I did. Thank you for sending me over there. I didn't know."

"You missed a lot," I muttered, leaning back and crossing my arms defensively.

"I guess I did."

Silence.

Finally I could take no more of the awkward pauses. With a hint of anger in my voice, I said, "I feel like we're avoiding the issue here. Where the fuck have you been?"

Bella's mouth opened and closed, and I could tell that I had surprised her with my blatant question. "I… I guess I don't know where to start," she responded finally.

"How about the beginning?"

"Okay," she said hesitantly. "The day I left, I lied to you. When I took those pills, I knew exactly what I was doing. That day while you were at work, Carlie was just crying and crying. I fed her, I changed her, I rocked her, I burped her- nothing seemed to work. I felt completely helpless, and I started thinking that it must be that was a bad mother. I managed to convince myself that Carlie didn't love me, and that's why she was crying. I started to feel guilty- for everything- and my mind kept telling me that there was no other way out. I was exhausted- I hadn't slept for days. I wasn't thinking rationally. It was like I was being guided by a force beyond my control, if that makes any sense."

"That makes perfect sense. You weren't yourself," I said. "That's why we insisted that you needed help."

"I know," Bella said, biting her lower lip, just like she'd always done. "But again, I wasn't thinking rationally, and all I could think of was that horrible place in Phoenix. When Tom told me he was sending me away, it consumed my thoughts; I couldn't think of any way out. I was so afraid, I was willing to do anything to not have to go. And then that day when we were packing to leave, I saw the pain in your face. I realized how much I'd been hurting you, and I knew that if I stuck around I would end up hurting Carlie too, along with everyone else. So I did the only thing I could think of to do, and I left."

"So where did you go?" I pressed.

"I took the emergency cash that we kept in the bedroom, as you probably figured out. I drove to Jacksonville."

"That's more than three thousand miles away…" I commented. "Just about as far away as you could get."

Bella nodded. "It took me over a week to get there, with stops. "I chose Jacksonville because it was the last place I remembered being happy, before Forks. Anyway, I was there for about a month, and I was almost out of money. Then I literally ran into Phil Dwyer- almost knocked him over- leaving my motel one day. He didn't recognize me at first, but I recognized him immediately. He bought me a cup of coffee, and I told him everything.

"When he found out where I had been living, he begged me to come home with him. He later told me that he always thought about me and wondered how I was. He said that he felt guilty for not stepping in more when Renee took me away again. Helping me was his way of forgiving himself.

"Phil kept encouraging me to go home or to at least call, but I kept refusing. I was afraid, and I wasn't ready to go back to my life yet. Eventually, weeks turned into months, and there were days I couldn't even get out of bed. Phil eventually talked me into getting help, but he let me do it on my own terms. We talked to doctors, we toured facilities, and I was allowed to make decisions. Nothing was forced on me. Finally I picked an inpatient place that I thought might actually be able to help me. I was there for a year.

"When I got out, I was better but not cured. I'm still not. But I did feel like I was well enough to come home. I'd packed my bags, said my goodbyes to Phil, and he drove me to the airport. When I was waiting in the terminal, I started thinking of you, and Carlie, and my dad, and how angry you must be. I couldn't get on the plane. I was ashamed of myself. At first I thought I just needed more time, but every time I told myself I was going to go back, I chickened out. Eventually, I was gone so long that I figured I could never come back. I was too afraid of how I would be received if I did return.

"Phil ran this sports bar and grill place, with an apartment over it. He let me stay there while I figured things out, and in turn I insisted on helping out with the place. I didn't deal with the customers, but I helped with the books and maintenance of the place- cleaning stocking, behind the scenes kind of stuff. When I wasn't working in the bar, I was writing. I'm guessing you already figured out that it was me who left you that book. When I wrote it, I just wrote it for myself, venting frustrations and anger. I sat on it for months, and then when I finally went back and read what I wrote, I realized that I actually had something decent. I thought that if I could publish it, and my story could help at least one other person, than it was worth it; so I did. I sent it to a few publishers, and one actually responded. I never expected it to get the publicity it did, and I didn't want to do interviews or anything, but it ended up selling really well anyway.

"After a few more months, I realized that more than anything, I wanted you to read it. I wanted you to understand what was going on in my head during that time. That's why I left it for you. I was too chickenshit to just knock on the door and give it to you, and I wanted you to know before you saw me." She paused and took a deep breath.

"I haven't read it yet," I said. "I only started it today, and figured out you wrote it. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," she answered immediately.

"Are you with him?"

"Who?" She asked, confused.

"Phil," I spat, annoyed with her avoidance of the question. "Are you _with_ him?"

"What, no!" she exclaimed. "What on earth would make you think that?"

"Your penn name?"

"No, it's just the name I used. He helped me so much; it felt right to use it. He's more like a father figure to me than anything."

I swallowed hard, trying to quell the anger that had been building in me. Finally, it exploded. "You _have_ a father," I hissed, careful to stay quiet. "One that you fucking abandoned. One who's fucking dying now. _We_ were here; _we_ could have helped you, but you didn't let us. Then you just move on all the way across the country and accept help from some guy your mother used to fuck when you were fifteen? Did you even think about us?"

Tears welled up in Bella's eyes. "Every day," she answered in almost a whisper. "I never stopped loving you."

"If you loved me so much, then how could you leave me?" I choked out, warning myself not to cry.

"I wasn't myself. That's the only answer I have. I'm so sorry, Edward. But I swear to you, there was never anyone else. It's only you… it's always been you."

My chest constricted as I struggled for air. "Not a phone call, a letter… nothing. I didn't even know if you were alive or dead. And Carlie…" I trailed off, unable to say another word.

"There's nothing I can say that makes what I did right. I was wrong, and I know that. I swear to you, though, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you'll let me. Please… just tell me that there might be a chance for me." I managed to look up into her pleading eyes. Her tortured gaze still managed to break my heart. Right now, though, it just wasn't enough.

"I don't know if I can right now," I answered. "I need time to think."

Bella brushed her tears away and nodded. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked softly.

"Yes… no… I don't fucking know," I answered, unsure of what I really wanted.

"I can come back tomorrow," she offered. As she stood to leave, I reached up and grabbed her hand. As angry as I was, I couldn't stand to see her walk out that door again. It was too much; my heart couldn't take it.

"Can you stay for a little while?" I asked quietly.

She sat back down immediately. "Of course."

We stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time, both lost as to what to say next.

Suddenly, she moved her hand tentatively to my face and stroked the dark circles under my eyes. Her touch, even after all this time, still sent shockwaves through me. I'd almost forgotten the feeling I got whenever she was near.

"You look so tired," she whispered. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. "But working full time and being the single parent of a child with special needs doesn't exactly leave me much time for sleep."

Her eyes widened noticeably. "Special needs?" she asked.

Then it occurred to me that she had no idea. She knew nothing of our daughter. _Does she deserve to know?_ I asked myself._ Does she even care?_

"Did you ever love her? Did you ever miss her?" I asked, fearing the answer. If she answered no, then I knew there was no way I could ever have a relationship with her again, no matter how much I loved her.

Bella looked away from me, and I feared I got my answer.

"Not at first," she answered. "When I first left, all I could think was that she was just better off without me, that I wasn't really a mother. But after some time, it felt like there was a hole in my heart, that something was missing. I started thinking about her every day. I wondered what she looked like, what she was doing, if she was happy. I do love her. Even though I don't really know her, she's a piece of me- a piece that was missing for so long. I want a chance to make that right. I want to be in her life, and yours."

"I can't just let you waltz back into her life like nothing happened. She wouldn't understand that."

"Edward… what's wrong with her?" Bella asked pensively. I immediately took offense to her choice of words.

"Nothing's fucking wrong with her," I snapped.

"No, that's not what I meant!" she gasped. "You said 'special needs.' What did you mean?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. The conversation was going downhill fast. "She's got your anxiety disorder," I said finally. "Some doctors say it's too early to diagnose, but she worries about everything, from what she wears in the morning to making sure her nighttime routine is exactly the same, and everything in between. She worries about being alone, to the point of excess. She worries about me dying. She can't sleep in her own room without having nightmares, and she does horribly in her class because she can't concentrate around other kids. She's afraid of her own shadow. She's practically incapable of interacting with other children- she only barely talks to Emma. She's makes herself sick, and she's tired all the time. She sees a therapist every week, and it doesn't really help. I'm very patient with her, but sometimes it feels like I'm drowning, like I can't do it all by myself."

There. I poured my heart out. I was fearful of her response.

Bella continued to stare at me with wide eyes. "This is all my fault. I never should have left. I'm so, so sorry that you had to go through that alone, and that you still do. I didn't know…"

"How could you have known?" I asked, glaring at her. "You never bothered to find out."

Bella was visibly trembling now, and I knew that she was hurting, but so was I.

"I can't let you back into her life until we work on us. She won't be able to cope if you come back into her life, only to leave again. I won't let you throw her out like a piece of trash again."

"I understand that you don't trust me. I'll wait as long as I need to. I'm not going anywhere." Bella played with the hem of her shirt nervously, waiting for me to speak.

"So where does this leave us?" I finally asked.

"I don't know," she said. "I love you. I want to be with you, and I want things back the way they were before, but I know that's not realistic. I don't even know what to define 'us' as anymore. Are we even still married? Did you ever file for annulment?"

"No," I answered, and watched her breathe a sigh of relief. "I never felt the need." My gaze shifted to her left hand, where I found that she was still wearing her wedding ring. I was too.

"So you're still my husband," Bella said, as if those words were foreign to her.

"On paper, yes," I answered. "But I think we have a lot of work to do before we can actually claim that we're still married, or act like it. Honestly, right now saying that feels like a lie."

"Where do we go from here?" she asked. "How do I make this right?"

"I guess we'll keep talking, try to find a way to make it work. It will be hard with Carlie around, but we have to try. Where are you staying anyway?"

"That little motel off the 101," she answered. "I'll be there as long as it takes. I should go for now though. You need to sleep, and I know you need time to process all of this."

I rose to walk her to the door. Even if in my head I knew it wasn't an option for her to stay here, it still felt wrong walking her out. Despite all the wrongs, she was still my wife, the mother of my child, and the love of my life. I was denying some of those things to myself, because I was afraid.

Then I couldn't help myself. When we reached the door, I pulled her into my arms and held onto her, unwilling to let go. I nuzzled my nose into her hair, and I would be damned if she didn't smell as good as in my dream. Actually, she smelled better. She clutched me back tightly. "I love you," she murmured.

"I love you too," I said into her hair. "Come back tomorrow? Same time?"

"I'll be here," she promised with a small smile.

As I walked back into the house, I felt lighter somehow. Even if I disagreed with Bella's actions, and even though I knew we had a lot of work to do to rebuild our marriage, Bella was back in my life. The gaping wound in my chest that had been present for five years was starting to close. I felt like I could breathe again.

That night was the first night I was able to sleep through in days.

* * *

><p><strong>AN- **Just wanted to take a second to thank all you guys for reading and reviewing. I got an awesome response for the last chapter, and I promise I read and cherish every single review!

Next chapter- more Edward and Bella interaction, and Edward will make a decision about Bella seeing Carlie. Should he? Let me know what you think!


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

A week passed since Bella showed up unannounced at my doorstep. She came by every single night afterwards, after Carlie was asleep. She asked a lot of questions about her, and I showed her the pictures I had taken over the years.

Bella cried- a lot. The mournful expressions she displayed told me that she really did regret the years she'd spend apart from us.

Although I was hesitant about the idea of letting Bella back into Carlie's life before she completely proved herself to me, it got harder for me by the day to watch my wife stare longingly at photographs of a child she never knew, all while said child was sleeping in the next room.

Bella told me about her life in Jacksonville over the past few years, how she slowly began to heal herself. She told me about her time in the mental facility, where she explained she was treated very well and received, oddly enough, cognitive behavioral therapy which helped her handle her anxieties in a healthy way.

She apologized at least a hundred times. She knew that while she did what was best for herself, and that she was a much better person now for it, she hurt me and the rest of her family immensely. And she hurt Carlie too, whether Carlie knew it or not.

This morning was only another reminder of how much her absence has affected Carlie's life.

School was back in session now from the holiday break, and Carlie and I were back to our normal routines- well normal except for the nightly visits from Bella that Carlie knew nothing about. Each week in Carlie's Kindergarten class, a different student was asked to bring an object from home, and was asked to tell a story about their family. This week was Carlie's turn. The night before, after much debate and a little stress, I convinced Carlie to bring the teddy bear Emmett got her for Christmas, and tell a story about her uncle. While she'd reluctantly agreed, I couldn't figure out what was actually bothering her, and of course she wouldn't tell me.

This morning we were running late as usual. Carlie woke up cranky after not having slept well the night before. It took much coaxing to even get her out of bed. When I left her to get dressed, I came back to find her still in her pajamas, because the outfit we'd selected the night before for her to wear had a small tear in it that neither of us noticed. Carlie deemed the outfit "ruined" and refused to wear it. I pulled another outfit out of her closet and insisted she put it on, but she insisted that she didn't like the way the fabric felt. The next outfit was too tight. The third was 'ugly.'

I was frustrated, and had to bite my tongue before snapping at her, when I remembered something Dr. Banner had mentioned to me that I should watch out for.

"Carlie, are you avoiding going to school today?"

When she looked away from me, I knew I was on to something.

"Can you tell me why you don't want to go to school today?"

She shook her head and bit her lower lip.

"Carlie?" I said in a soft, but warning tone.

"I don't want to do show and tell," she finally said.

"Why not?"

"Because last week Rebecca brought a picture of her and her mommy at the beach. Everyone tells stories about their mommies, and I don't have one. Why don't I have one?"

_Fuck._

This wasn't the first time she asked about her mother, but it used to be easy enough to either divert her attention, or appease her with a 'mommy had to go away for a while' type of speech. This time, she was staring at me intently, and her question demanded an answer.

_But what the hell do I say?_

"Carlie, you do have a mommy," I said carefully. "You just haven't met her yet."

"Why?"

"Because…" I struggled to find the right words. I didn't want to tell her that 'mommy was sick' because she'd think of Charlie being sick. "Because your mom had some problems when you very little, and she couldn't fix them here, so she had to go away," I said, hoping that would be enough to let the subject drop.

"Problems?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, as if she were hugging herself.

"Mommy was very sad and went somewhere else to be happy. She will be back," I tried to explain, as delicately as possible.

"When?"

Umm…abort? I thought desperately, reaching for an answer. I still wasn't sure if I was ready to introduce Bella into Carlie's life.

"Sometime soon," I said. I realized that it was a foolish thing to say, but I was out of answers. Carlie would need to know the truth soon anyway. "Do you want to meet her when she comes back?"

Carlie stayed silent for a minute, contemplating. The little wheels in her head always seemed to be turning. "If she was sad when she left, won't she be sad when she comes back?"

"No, princess. She will be okay."

"Why was she sad?"

"Some mean people made her sad, but they're gone now, and she wants to come home."

"Did I make her sad?"

_Why is she so damned perceptive? _I muttered to myself, in my head of course. _Lie. _

"Of course not. Your mommy loves you very much."

Carlie frowned at me. "I want to meet her."

I smiled. "Maybe we can do that soon. But right now, we need to go to school. Please wear this," I begged, handing her the outfit she'd just said was 'ugly."' I knew she was lying when she said that, as it was one of her favorites.

"Okay," she answered with a huff.

I left her alone to get dressed, and went out to the kitchen. Looking at the clock on the stove, I realized we were going to be late if we didn't leave- like now. There was definitely no time for breakfast. It looked like it would be drive-thru in the car again, as unhealthy as that was.

When Carlie emerged- _finally_- she had her backpack, but nothing else.

"Where's your teddy bear?"

"I don't want to take that. I want to take a picture of mommy." Carlie did have pictures of her mother in her room. I never really kept Bella's existence a secret, though I didn't talk about her much. Carlie knew what she looked like, and that she was Charlie's daughter and Emmett's sister, but not much more than that.

"You can if you want to. Did you pick one?"

Carlie nodded and showed it to me. It was a picture of Bella holding Carlie, taken just a couple days after we were home from the hospital. It was a beautiful picture of Bella, who was sitting in a rocking chair with Carlie wrapped in a blanket in her arms. Bella's face looked peaceful, but I didn't miss the haunted look in her eyes.

_If only I knew how sick she really was, _I thought, then chastised myself for thinking in that direction. I knew that I had to stop looking back; I could only look forward.

I managed to get Carlie in the car and ready to go. I stopped at a drive-thru and got Carlie a muffin and a cup of fruit to go with the juice box I hastily grabbed from the fridge on the way out the door. I pulled up to Carlie's school with only a few minutes to spare. Fortunately, her classes started a little before mine did, and though I cut it close some mornings, I could usually make it to work in time.

I waited while Carlie finished her breakfast in the back seat of the car, ignoring the curious looks of a few mothers who were quite blatantly peering in my window, wondering why I had my daughter eating fast food in the back of a Volvo. I could practically hear their words in the looks of disgust on their faces. _Deadbeat dad._

If only those bitches actually knew what we went through every day…

Resisting the urge to wave my middle finger at them, I got Carlie unbuckled and walked her to the door where her teacher was waiting. She gave me a hug, and off I went. Luckily, my school wasn't far away- it was practically the same campus, so I made it to my first class just before the bell rang, as usual.

Lessons were slow and painful that day. The kids were still recovering from their vacations and not particularly keen on learning. It's not like my subject matter was very hard, but they acted as if my lecturing was torture to them. I gritted my teeth and beared their apathy, hoping for a more productive day the next morning.

When my work day was through, I checked my phone as I walked to my car. Darcy had texted me around noon that Carlie had been picked up and was fine, as she always did. Even though I trusted her immensely, I always appreciated her thinking to let me know. As I was closing the text message, the phone rang in my hand.

"Hey, Rose," I answered, seeing her number on the caller ID.

I heard a sniffle from her end, and I knew then it wasn't good news. "Edward… he's gone," she said quietly. "Can you come over?"

I froze in my tracks. As sick as Charlie was the week before, the return of Bella had put new life into his eyes, and we all suspected he would be around for just a little while longer. Just the night before, I had visited, and he was smiling and laughing. This news, while not completely unexpected, caught me off-guard.

I knew this phone call was coming, but expecting it didn't help the wave of sadness that coursed through me.

_He's really gone._

"Of course I'll come over. I'll be right there," I told her solemnly.

Another sniffle. "Thanks. Bella's here… she's pretty upset. I just wanted to let you know…"

"That's fine. I'll be there. Thanks, Rose."

When we ended the call, I immediately called Darcy.

"Hey, it's Edward," I said in greeting as soon as she picked up. "Darcy… Charlie passed this afternoon."

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, actually. Can you keep Carlie for a few hours? I need to go there, and I don't think she'd handle it too well."

"Of course, Edward!" she responded immediately. "You need to be with your family. Don't worry about Carlie."

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "And uh… this probably goes without saying, but don't tell her just yet. I think I should be the one to do it."

"Of course, I won't say a thing. Please send your family our best wishes. Do you want me to call Alice?"

I was really glad someone was thinking rationally, because the thought of calling Alice had never even crossed my mind. She loved Charlie almost as much as I did. "Please," I said. "Tell her I'll call her later?"

"Of course. Take care. If there's anything at all we can do…"

"You've already done so much. Thank you," I said again.

I drove to Charlie's in a fog, not really sure what kind of scene to expect when I arrived. We all knew this day was coming, but that didn't ease the blow any.

_He was such a good man._

When I arrived at Charlie's house, I pulled up behind a long, funny looking black car. It took me a second to realize what it was. _A fucking hearse._

I knew I had to keep my emotions in check. My family needed me. Bella needed me.

Charlie had been under hospice care for some time. We were instructed that when the day came that he passed, we only had to call the hospice and they would take care of the arrangements. When I entered the house, it was strangely quiet. Athena had been put away, obviously, and the others were upstairs.

I climbed the steps hesitantly. Emmett was sitting outside his old bedroom door with his head in his hands. The hospice nurse, who we had all grown to know and love, was hovering over him and talking to him gently. I liked and respected the woman a lot. She was an older- but robust- Irish nurse named Siobhan. I loved her because she spoke in death in clear, direct terms. She didn't sugarcoat things. She was incredibly patient, and always told us exactly what to expect, and what we needed to know.

"Hello, Edward," she greeted kindly, rising to her feet. "You've heard?"

I nodded.

"Charlie was sleeping when he passed away. It seems that he's gone very comfortably. Sue called me when it happened, and we've called the funeral director. Now is a good time to say your last goodbyes. Bella is in there now. Would you like to join her?"

I wasn't sure. "I… don't know," I said.

"You should go in," Emmett said, looking up at me from the floor on which he sat. "She needs you."

I turned towards the door of Charlie and Sue's bedroom, and with a deep breath, opened it slowly. Bella seemed completely unaware of my presence. She sat on the bed next to Charlie, holding his hand, talking softly to him. I gave her a moment to say her peace, but couldn't help to listen.

"I'm so sorry," she was whispering. "I should have been there for you this past year. I hope that, wherever you go, that someday you will forgive me. But I'm so glad I got this week with you. It meant the world to me. I love you so much."

I expected Bella to be an absolute wreck, honestly- sobbing and screaming over the bed like in bad TV dramas. It was at that moment though, that I listened to her softly making her amends with him. There were gentle, but controlled tears streaming down her face.

I knew that in some way, somehow, she was better.

The Bella I knew couldn't have handled this situation with such grace.

I walked hesitantly over to her and rested my hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me with tear-stained cheeks. "I was just saying goodbye," she said softly. "I'll give you a minute?"

I nodded, grateful for the opportunity. There was one more thing I wanted to say to Charlie, whether he could hear me or not. I hoped he could.

Bella left, the door clicking softly closed behind her. I took her place on the bed, and held Charlie's hand as she did.

"Hey man," I said, feeling awkward. "I've already said everything I needed to say to you, except for one thing. There was a promise I forgot to make."

With a shuddering breath, I continued. "A week ago, you asked me to promise you that I would take care of Bella when she came back. I didn't answer you. But I wanted you to know, that I want you to rest in peace with the knowledge that I will. I love her, Charlie. God help me, but I do. If I spend the rest of my life making sure she never feels pain again… I swear to you I will. Bella will be safe and happy. I'll make sure of it."

Obviously, he didn't answer me, but it felt as if a weight was lifted straight off my chest. I felt- no, I knew- that he heard me.

And I intended to keep my promise.

"Love you man," I whispered, squeezing his hand, one last time.

When I exited the room, Sue and Rose had emerged from Emmett's bedroom, and I hugged both of them, whispering my love and condolences as they whispered theirs. Bella was hanging back shyly, and I couldn't help but go to her. As I approached her, I pushed her hair back from her face gently and asked, "Are you ready to go?"

She nodded, then shook her head. She looked conflicted.

I cupped her cheek gently, silently asking her to look at me. "Tell me."

"I don't want to be alone," she whispered.

"Then you won't be." I assured her. "Come back to my… our… house. Carlie is still at Darcy's."

She bit her lower lip- hard- then brought her arms around me. I relished at the touch as I returned her embrace. As much as she needed comfort now, so did I.

We said our goodbyes to our family, and I insisted that she drive with me back to the house. I didn't want her driving while she was upset. The ride was silent, but it was a comfortable silence. No words really needed to be spoken.

When we were settled in the house, I asked, "Coffee?"

She smiled gently. "That would be wonderful."

I moved around the breakfast bar to the kitchenette and started to make a pot, when I heard the rattling of keys in the door. I made my way quickly to the front of the house, but it was too late. Darcy was standing there, with an anxious looking Carlie behind her.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't even think you might be home, but she wouldn't relax at my place and she insisted on coming here," Darcy said, shaking the rain off her coat. "I thought I would sit with her here?"

It was too late, though. With wide eyes, I turned slowly towards the living room where Bella was sitting rigid in shock. I took in my daughter's surprised expression.

I held my breath as Carlie stared at the woman sitting in my living room.

With wide eyes, Carlie spoke only one word. "Mommy?"


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Not once until the last five years since I've given Darcy my damn house key had she ever needed to use it. Until today, of course.

"Holy shit," Darcy said under her breath, as she took in the sight of Bella. I didn't tell anyone that Bella was back; not Ben, not Angie, not Darcy, and not even my sister. I wanted to make sure she was here to stay before I brought anyone back into her life. Besides, I new that Darcy and Alice weren't exactly Bella's biggest fans.

I stood stark still, unsure of how to proceed from here. Bella and Carlie were simply staring at each other, both wide eyed.

Finally, Bella spoke. "Yeah, sweetheart. It's me."

"You came back? To stay?" Carlie asked carefully.

Bella glanced at me quickly, as if asking permission to say something, and I gave her a nod.

"To stay," she confirmed, nodding her head. "How do you feel about that?"

Darcy excused herself politely, and I breathed a sigh of relief that she chose not to make a scene. I made my way over to where Carlie was standing and crouched down next to her. Carlie remained silent. "It's okay to say what you want to," I told her, as she unconsciously moved closer to my side.

"I'm scared," Carlie said. I could see her little frame start to tremble.

"Why are you scared, sweetheart?" Bella asked gently.

"Because Daddy said that you were sad when you went away. I'm afraid to make you sad, because then you'll go away again."

"That's not even possible," Bella promised with a sad smile.

"Promise?" Carlie asked shyly, still clearly nervous.

Bella brushed a stray tear from her own eyes. "Promise," she said with a smile.

"Then why are you crying?" Carlie asked perceptively.

"Because I'm very happy that we can be together again."

I felt both happy and anxious at the same time. Carlie reacted exactly as I expected she would- hesitant and unsure. I wasn't sure where to even go from here. Luckily, Carlie solved my problem for me.

"Do you want to see my room?" Carlie asked her.

Bella's answering smile lit up the room. "Of course I do!"

Carlie tentatively reached a hand out, and Bella took it in awe. I smiled at her in encouragement, and together they disappeared into Carlie's room.

I let out the giant breath I didn't realize I'd been holding, and I flopped down on my couch, my head in my hands.

_Am I really ready for this? _I asked myself._ It wasn't supposed to go like this._

After a few minutes, I couldn't fight the urge to see how things were going. I poked my head into Carlie's bedroom door and found Carlie and Bella, both sitting cross-legged on the floor. Carlie was showing her the mass of Barbie dolls she had, explaining carefully the traits of each one. Bella looked absolutely engrossed in every detail Carlie shared with her, from where she got it, who gave it to her, and what she liked about it. As I took in the scene before me, I felt an emotion I hadn't felt in some time- hope.

Realizing it was getting late and Carlie hadn't eaten yet, I decided it was time to interrupt them. "Do you ladies want me to order dinner?"

"I can make something," Bella offered. "Do you like to cook, Carlie?"

Carlie nodded. "Daddy lets me help in the kitchen, but I'm not allowed to touch the stove or the knives."

"That's very smart of your daddy. Would you like to help me in the kitchen today?"

Carlie nodded excitedly and followed Bella out to the kitchen, where she lifted her onto the counter and started rummaging around the cabinets looking for something to prepare. I watched them work together. Bella ran the kitchen like she'd lived here forever, quickly falling back into her old routine.

It was both beautiful and terrifying.

When they were finished preparing the meal, we awkwardly shuffled around to find a place to all sit together. The room was only big enough for the breakfast bar, which had always been enough for Carlie and me. I ended up pulling Carlie into my lap to eat while Bella took the other seat.

"This is really good, mommy," Carlie said, taking a big bite of the mashed potatoes Bella had prepared.

"I'm glad you like it sweetheart," Bella answered with a smile.

As we ate, Carlie continued to talk. She talked about school and her "funny uncle Emmy," and her cousin Emma. Barely taking a breath between sentences, she quickly filled Bella in on everything important to her in the world. Bella listened intently, absorbing every word.

As they continued to talk, I almost choked on my food when Carlie asked, "So you live here now?"

Bella opened her mouth to say something, but froze and looked to me with panicked eyes.

"I don't know, Carlie…" I said. "Your mom and I need to talk about that."

"But mommies and daddies are supposed to live together!" she protested. Looking to Bella with sad eyes, she asked, "You don't want to be here with me?"

"No, Carlie, that's not it," Bella said quickly. "It's just that… I've been gone for a while and your daddy and I need to work out some things first."

Carlie had already tuned us out. Her breathing sped up and her face started to turn pink. I realized that Bella was about to witness one of Carlie's panic attacks for the first time.

"Carlie, deep breath," I coached her gently. She tried, but couldn't seem to catch herself. I got up, cradling her in my arms, and sat down on the floor, still holding her in my arms. I learned the hard way that when she was about to have a panic attack, to move her away from anything breakable.

"Tell me what's wrong," I said calmly.

"I told everyone today that mommy was going to come home, like you said! I don't want her to leave!" She exclaimed through gasping breaths. Looking at Bella, she screamed, "Why are you leaving? You're supposed to stay here!"

"Oh, sweetheart, maybe in time…" Bella started, but it was no use.

When Carlie started coughing through her sobs, I knew it was only a matter of time before she made herself sick. I brought her to the bathroom, but it was too late, and she lost her dinner all over herself. I didn't even notice that Bella had followed me until I felt her small hand on my shoulder. "Let me try to help her," she requested. "Please? Let me talk to her, explain things?"

I nodded in assent.

As I left Bella to clean Carlie up an ease her through her panic attack, I made myself busy by cleaning up what was left of our meal. I'd long since lost my appetite, and I'm sure Bella had too.

Bella emerged nearly a half-hour later. "She's okay," she said. "She had her bath, and she asked if we could watch a movie before I left. I told her that was okay. I hope I didn't overstep…"

"No, It's fine," I assured her. "That sounds nice, actually."

"She's putting her pajamas on now. I told her that I could visit every day, but that we wouldn't live together. She wasn't happy, but she calmed down eventually."

I wished then with everything I had that I could tell Carlie that her mom was moving home, and that we'd all be a happy family again.

But that just wasn't realistic. _Was it?_

I realized Bella was still talking and snapped out of my trance. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked her, embarrassed.

"I asked when you think we should tell her about Charlie," Bella said quietly.

"Oh, umm… probably not today; Tomorrow, definitely. I think she's had too much excitement for one day."

"I think so too," Bella agreed.

"But we shouldn't wait too long to tell her. She needs to know."

"I think you're right."

Carlie interrupted us by running into the room with a DVD in hand. "Can we watch this one?" she asked both of us. I saw that it was one of her favorite cartoon movies, and smiled and nodded. We settled in front of the television- as a family- with Carlie between us on the couch.

It felt really nice.

Carlie fell asleep halfway through the movie. I picked her up gently and put her to bed. Bella and I both kissed her goodnight, but she didn't stir. She had had too much excitement for one day.

I walked Bella back out to the front of the house, but I realized that I really didn't want her to go. The thought of her going out alone to some motel room- alone- didn't sit right with me. It felt downright wrong. She shouldn't be alone when so much had happened that day. Her father passed and she met her daughter for the first time, all in the same day. While she seemed to have control of her emotions, it simply seemed wrong to send her away.

"Stay with me tonight?" I asked.

She looked up at me in surprise.

"I mean, stay here, in the house. I can sleep on the couch, or whatever, it's just… I thought you might not want to be alone?"

I couldn't believe how awkward asking her to stay felt. It was like I was asking my girlfriend to stay over for the first time. She wasstill my wife, and this wasour house, and her daughter is in the next room.

It still felt like the first time, though.

"I'd like that," Bella said. "Thank you. I really didn't want to be alone. But I don't want you to sleep on the couch either. I'm the intruder here, I'll sleep on the couch."

The thought of her sleeping on the couch didn't appease me either. Channeling my bravery, I suggested, "We could both stay in the bed? I mean, just to sleep?"

"Really? You sure?"

"Positive," I answered; and I was.

"I don't have any clothes here. I should probably get my bag from the motel."

"I never got rid of your old clothes. They're still in the closet. I'm sure you can find something to wear."

"Okay," Bella answered, shuffling nervously. "I guess I'll go get changed?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Bella disappeared into the bedroom and emerged a few minutes later wearing a pair of sleep pants and a tank top. They were a little snug on her, but they still fit.

"I guess I gained a little weight," she muttered.

I couldn't take my eyes off her as I approached her. Cupping her cheek, I pulled her face up to look at me. "You're beautiful," I murmured, kissing her lightly on the mouth.

The kiss was an unconscious gesture. I didn't mean to do it, but it just felt right. As soon as my lips touched hers, it was like the world just faded away, and I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

She hesitated in surprise, then kissed me back hesitantly.

When we broke free, I laid my forehead against hers. "That was nice," I said.

"It was," she agreed.

"By the way," I said, stepping back and taking in her appearance. "I meant it when I said you looked beautiful. You look healthy. I don't think you realized how thin you were back then. You were sick."

"I was," she confirmed. "It's just kind of shocking, you know? Looking at all those clothes. I can't believe you never got rid of them."

"I knew you'd come back," I whispered. "I always knew."

We kissed again, and this time it was much nicer, less hesitant. "Let's go to bed," she murmured against my lips.

We both knew that nothing further would transpire that night, but I was anxious just to hold her against me, feel her soft skin, breathe in her sweet scent.

As she snuggled against me under the covers, I couldn't help but run my hand down her side, feeling her soft skin and her delicate curves. I wrapped my arm tightly around her and nuzzled my face into her hair.

For that blissful night, it felt like she never left.

* * *

><p>When I awoke the next morning, my first thought was just how well rested I was. I couldn't recall a more peaceful night of sleep. Contented, I rolled over and let my eyes flutter open. When I took sight of my alarm clock, I sat bolt upright in bed.<p>

_Shit! _ I yelled inside my head. I'd overslept by fifteen minutes. Jumping out of bed, I hurried made my way to Carlie's room and thrust the door open, but she wasn't there. I ran out to the living room where I found Carlie sitting, fully dressed, watching cartoons and eating cereal.

Then I smelled bacon.

Whipping my head around, I found Bella smiling in the kitchenette over the stove, making two plates of bacon and eggs. "Morning, Edward," she said brightly.

"Umm…" was all I could say, scratching my head. She cocked her head at me, and I said, "Sorry, I overslept, I'm a little out of sorts. Thank you."

She chuckled. "You didn't oversleep, I shut your alarm off. I was going to wake you up when breakfast was ready. Carlie said she only wanted cereal. Is that okay?"

"It's fine," I said, in awe. I sat down at the breakfast bar and she placed a cup of coffee and a plate in front of me.

"Two sugars still?" she asked, motioning to the coffee.

"You remembered," I commented.

She sat down next to me and started to eat.

"I can't believe this…" I said quietly, between bites of food.

"What?" Bella asked anxiously. "Oh, God, are you mad? You looked so peaceful when I got up, and I didn't want to wake you. Shit, I screwed up already, didn't I?"

"No, love, no. Everything is perfect," I assured her. "It's just that things are usually so chaotic around here in the morning, and you already got her up and ready for school and made breakfast. I'm just kind of in shock."

She smiled shyly, and we continued our meal in silence. Bella offered to clean up while I took my shower, and we were ready to go with plenty of time to spare.

"Do you think you can take me to Charlie's to pick up my car?" Bella asked. "I guess I should go back to the motel."

"Sure," I said, grabbing my wallet and keys. Together we got Carlie into the car. I noticed Bella watching carefully as I buckled the booster seat. I drove over to Charlie's house first. We had plenty of time, thanks to Bella.

As she moved to get out of the car, I wanted to kiss her, but thought it might be best to keep the PDA to a minimum around Carlie for a while. Instead, I got out and followed her over to her car, glancing at Carlie to check on her every few seconds.

Somewhere during the morning, I had made an important decision. I was just nervous about telling her.

"Bella… when you go back to the motel, maybe you can just get your stuff and come back to the house? Carlie has an appointment today with her therapist at four. I thought maybe you could come with? We could tell her about Charlie there."

"That's a good idea, to do it there," Bella agreed. "But when you say get my stuff, do you mean…?" she asked uncomfortably.

"Listen, I know this is all going pretty quickly, but I love you. I never stopped loving you. I know we have a ways to go in making our relationship right again, but we've been apart for so long, I don't want to waste another day. Come home with me?"

When tears filled her eyes, I worried that I had said the wrong thing, until she launched herself into my arms. "Really?" she gasped.

I smiled at her exuberance and returned her embrace. "I'm serious. I know things might be a little awkward at first, but we'll get there. I don't want to waste another minute. Please?"

"Of course I will!" she exclaimed. "Edward, you've made me so happy. I promise I won't fuck this up. I promise."

Forgetting about Carlie's watchful eyes for a moment, I pulled her in for a kiss, which she returned happily.

"Do you still have keys? I know you still have the keys to Charlie's house."

"I do. I never got rid of them. If the locks are still the same, I can let myself in."

"They are," I confirmed. "Darcy usually picks up Carlie from school. I guess I'll have her drop her off at the house when she's done?"

"I can pick her up," Bella offered. "Or is it too soon for that?"

I contemplated for a minute. If I trusted Bella enough to let her back into my home, then of course I could trust her to retrieve Carlie safely and bring her home.

"I'll put you on the pick-up list for school," I said. "But you need to get a booster seat for your car."

"I'll get one this morning," she said, pecking my lips again. Looking straight into my eyes, she said with complete sincerity. "Thank you, Edward."

I brushed my hand down her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered.

And I practically skipped back to my car.

Carlie was looking at me curiously from the back seat when I got back in the car, but said nothing. I had a feeling it was going to be an interesting appointment this afternoon.

Once at Carlie's school, I added Bella to her emergency contacts list and told the office assistant that Bella was picking Carlie up from school. She looked surprised, but didn't comment on the change.

Even with the detour of dropping Bella off at Charlie's, I found myself with some free time before classes, so I called Emmett to check on him. He was in charge of making the funeral arrangements for Charlie.

Because Charlie was such an honored and respected citizen of Forks, his funeral would be no small event. Small police departments in the area, out as far as Port Angeles, had offered their honor guards to conduct the service. Emmett seemed overwhelmed with the details, and I told him that I would give him any help I could. The funeral would be scheduled for two days from now.

News of Charlie's death had spread rapidly through the town, and I was offered condolences everywhere I went in the school, from administrators, teachers, and students. Many voiced surprise that I was even in attendance that day, but honestly I didn't see the point in breaking my routine. In all, I was overwhelmed by the end of the day by how many people had stopped me to offer their condolences.

Bella texted me around noon and told her that Carlie had been picked up and that they were safely at home, just like Darcy always did. I found it a thoughtful gesture, especially since I didn't ask her to do it.

After school, I couldn't wait to get home and see my girls. It had been a trying day, having had to talk about the loss of my father-in-law with so many concerned people. I just wanted to go home for some peace, quiet, and family time.

That idea was short lived when I pulled up to my house and saw Alice, the queen of unannounced visits, getting out of her car. Before I could put my car in park and jump out to intercept her, she was already making her way up to the door.

Alice had made no secret over the years that she was furious with Bella for leaving. While it was hard to blame her, I had always hoped that if the time ever came that they were to be reunited, that she would be more forgiving. Alice had said many hateful things over the years about Bella.

I hadn't yet had a chance to discuss Bella's return to my life with her yet. This had the potential to get ugly, real fast.

"Alice!" I called. She stopped to face me, and I breathed a sigh of relief until the front door opened and Bella stepped out.

Alice turned sharply at the noise of the door opening and glared straight at Bella.

"What in the _hell _are you doing here?" Alice sneered. She whipped her head back to me and crossed her arms over her chest, silently demanding an explanation.

I closed my eyes and braced myself for the wrath of Hurricane Alice.

* * *

><p><strong>AN- **Once again, thank you all for all the wonderful reviews and support I've recieved for this story. You guys are amazing!

That being said, the story is wrapping up! It's looking like one regular chapter and then an epilogue left. I plan to get an update out sometime this week, and the epilogue out this weekend, as long as everything goes to plan!

Thanks for reading!


	26. Chapter 26

_Here it is... the last regular chapter of Fighting Fate. The epilogue should be out soon. I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

"Well?" Alice demanded impatiently, as Bella and I both stood silent.

"Bella and I are back together," I offered, hoping she wouldn't make much of a scene.

"Just like that, huh? And how long, dear brother, has she been back?" Alice asked, as if Bella wasn't standing just two feet from her.

"Just about a week."

"And you didn't think that was something you might want to share with me?" she demanded.

"I knew you'd react like this," I whisper-shouted, knowing Carlie could be in earshot. "That's why I didn't fucking say anything. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well, I thought with Charlie dying and all that you might need a shoulder to cry on, but I see that void has been filled," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You know what? Fuck it; I'm out of here."

"Alice!" Bella called as Alice started to storm away. "Please don't go. We should talk."

Turning back sharply, Alice stormed back into Bella and stood on her toes to get right in her face. "I don't want to hear a fucking thing you have to say," she shouted. "You practically destroyed this family, and I will not let you just waltz back into my brother's life and hurt him again. Do you have any idea what you did to him?"

"Yes," Bella said quietly, her eyes downcast. "I do; and I'm so sorry, for everything."

"Sorry?" she screamed. "That's it? You're _sorry?_"

"Don't yell at my mommy!" We all turned our heads at the little voice coming from the doorway.

Alice looked appropriately abashed. "I'm sorry you heard that, Carlie. I'm leaving, but I'll see you soon, okay sweet girl?"

Carlie continued to glare at Alice from the doorstep, and Alice shrugged and walked away.

"Bitch," she muttered at Bella as she walked past her.

"Alice, that's enough," I said. "We have to take Carlie to the doctor, and when we get back, I want to talk to you, okay? Can you come back later?"

"Fine," she huffed. "But I don't want to hear a fucking word that whore has to say."

As Alice got into her car, Carlie looked to Bella and asked, "Mommy, why was Auntie Alice yelling?"

Bella didn't miss a beat. "Your Aunt Alice is just upset, because I've been gone so long, and your daddy missed me."

"Daddy used to kiss a picture of you every night before he went to sleep." Carlie blurted.

I balked. I didn't know how Bella would respond to that.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Bella asked with a smile, as she crouched down to Carlie's level. With a loud whisper in Carlie's ear, she said, "I used to kiss a picture of your daddy every night too."

* * *

><p>"Carlie, why don't you show your mom the fish you like in the tank over there?" I suggested, giving a pointed glance at Bella. She understood immediately and jumped in.<p>

"I would love to see it. Will you show me?"

"Okay," Carlie said, reaching out to take Bella's hand.

Dr. Banner had just come to the waiting room to retrieve Carlie for her session, but I wanted to talk to him first.

When I was sure that Carlie was distracted across the room, I turned to Dr. Banner.

"Edward," he greeted me. "I heard about Charlie. I'm sorry about your loss. He was a good man."

"He was," I agreed. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, though."

"Ah," he said. "You haven't told Carlie yet?"

"I wasn't sure how to bring it up," I admitted.

"Well, you've already done a good thing by preparing her for it in advance. I'm well aware that Carlie doesn't handle stress like other kindergarteners, but I do believe that this will go better than you fear. You've already explained to her what death means, although she probably doesn't fully understand it. It's important to make sure that she understands that death is a permanent thing. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't think it was temporary…" his eyes shot up to look at her and Bella standing near the fish tank. "Like the absence of her mother… who I am assuming is the woman standing next to her over there?"

"Fuck," I whispered, more to myself than him. "That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about."

Dr. Banner sighed. "How has she handled it so far?"

"Fairly well, surprisingly," I answered. "Carlie's been happier than I've seen her in a long time. She's insistent on telling Bella everything that she's missed in the last five years."

"Obviously Carlie is too young to understand the issues surrounding Bella's disappearance. She doesn't know enough about the situation, and isn't old enough to comprehend; anger is a natural reaction, but usually in children older than she is. Had your wife returned any later, we may have had problems with her coping. Don't expect that there won't be anger in the future when she's old enough to understand what truly transpired, though."

I nodded in understanding. Dr. Banner was well aware of the situation between Bella and myself. He knew all about that fateful week five years ago, when I almost lost her to the sleeping pills, and then lost her again for another five years.

"I am glad to see that you are doing well with Bella coming back. It is quite a surprise that she's returned, but the three of you seem to be coping well. Why don't you all come back to my office, and we'll talk about Charlie. But Edward, you need to be the one to tell her, not me."

"I understand."

When we were all seated comfortably on the couch in Dr. Banner's office, I turned to Carlie. "Carlie, there's something I need to talk to you about," I said confidently, using every ounce of energy I had to maintain my composure.

"Okay…" she said, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"Your Grandpa Charlie died yesterday," I said simply, waiting for her reaction before I continued.

She frowned. "He did?"

"Carlie, do you understand what that means?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered quietly. I wasn't so sure though.

"Can you tell me what it means?" I pressed.

"He can't come play with me anymore," she said quietly, wringing her hands in her lap.

"That's right," I encouraged her.

"But he'll come back? Like mommy did?"

I sighed. "No, princess. Grandpa can't come back, because being dead means forever. Your mommy wasn't dead, she was living somewhere else."

"Oh," Carlie said, biting her lower lip. After a pause, she asked, "Can I play with the toys now?"

"Go ahead," Dr. Banner offered, motioning to the play area set up in the corner of his office.

"So what does that mean?" I asked him, once Carlie started to dig in the toy box in the corner.

"Like I said earlier, you've already prepared her for this. She probably doesn't fully understand, and she needs time to process what you told her. Do you plan to bring her to the funeral?"

I glanced at Bella. "We haven't really talked about it, but I guess so. I mean, if you think it's a good idea."

"If you explain to her what to expect, that it's her grandfather in the casket and that his body is going to the cemetery, it may give the situation more finality for her. It might help her to understand. However, there will be a lot of mourning people, including yourselves and your family. She may react to the sad emotions around her. It's a difficult decision, and ultimately one that I can't make for you."

"What do you think?" I asked Bella.

"I think she should go," Bella answered carefully. I couldn't help but notice that every time I asked her opinion on something, she seemed hesitant to voice it. I hoped that in time she would be more comfortable. "I think that she understands more than she's letting on, and that she's going to try to avoid it."

"What makes you say that?" I asked curiously.

With a pointed glance across the room where Carlie was studiously ignoring us, she answered, "Because she's acting like me."

* * *

><p>"Alice, I really appreciate you coming back over," Bella started. We had settled in Bella's office for a bit of privacy; Darcy had graciously volunteered to come over to keep Carlie entertained while Bella, Alice, and I hashed out our issues. "I want to tell you where I've been and what I've been doing…"<p>

Alice scoffed. "You don't need to tell me anything, _Marie," _she sneered, slamming Bella's book down on the desk. "I read it all in your little book."

"You knew about it?" Bella asked curiously.

"I knew that you had time to write a best selling tell-all book, but didn't have enough time to pick up a fucking phone."

"You're right," Bella said calmly. "That was inexcusable."

"That's the understatement of the century," Alice said with a huff. "Did you think people wouldn't figure out that you wrote it?"

"I never expected it to be as popular as it was, honestly," Bella answered.

I was surprised that Alice knew about Bella's book. I had only just started to read it, and found myself having a difficult time. The first few chapters were a narrative about Bella's life, things I already knew. I realized that I was having a hard time reading it, especially the parts about the rape, the pregnancy, and the downward spiral that led Bella to disappear from my life.

I never told Alice about the book. I only told Emmett, and while he and Alice were friendly, they weren't so close that he'd ever think to call her and tell her that. That meant that Alice found out about it on her own.

"Alice, how long have you known about Bella's book?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose to calm myself.

"Since it came out, like, six months ago. It was so obvious she wrote it. She wrote every detail about what she went through," Alice explained, glaring at Bella.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" I asked angrily.

"It didn't seem that important," she answered nonchalantly.

I jumped to my feet, enraged. "You didn't think that telling me you found out my wife was fucking alive and well was _important?" _I shouted.

"What good would it have done?" she shouted back. "Made you more depressed and crazed looking for her?"

"It could have given me hope!" I argued. "How could you do that to me?"

"Because I didn't want her back in your life!" Alice yelled, then clamped her hand over her mouth.

"You had no right," I said. "I can't believe you."

"Don't turn this on me! She's the one who left you!"

"Alice, I understand that you are angry," Bella interjected. "It's completely justifiable. But I am back in Edward's life, and I'm here to stay if he'll have me. I hope that some day you might listen to what I have to say, and that you might forgive me. We have a lot of history… I hope it's not all lost."

Alice turned back to me. "So that's it, huh? Just an apology and 'yay, Bella's back'? I expected more of you."

"And I expected more of you too," I retorted. "In the future, please don't make decisions based on what you _think_ is best for me. Whether you like it or not, this is _my _family. Bella and I have talked, a lot, and I've forgiven her. Maybe someday you'll do the same."

"So you're choosing her over me?"

I groaned. "I'm not _choosing_ anyone. If you want to base our relationship on who I love and let into my life, that's your decision. I love you, Alice. Hell, I practically fucking raised you. I would never shut you out of my life; I wouldn't want to. But if you want to be in my life, you need to accept the decisions I make, whether you agree with them or not."

Alice stood silently, pondering. "I need time," she finally answered.

"Take all the time you need," I said with a sigh. "I'll see you on Thursday at the funeral."

* * *

><p>It. Was. Freezing.<p>

I kept my left arm wound tightly around my wife as we sat in the front row at the graveside funeral service for Charlie. Carlie and Emma were huddle together, and I was glad that they could be there for each other if things got emotional.

While I cursed the awful weather, I also realized that Charlie wouldn't have it any other way. A warm church service was simply out of the question. Charlie wasn't a very religious man, but he loved the great outdoors. If he found out that Emmett had planned his funeral anywhere but outside, he'd surely come back just to kick his ass before returning to the afterlife.

The funeral procession was moving, to say the least. Emmett, Rosalie, Bella and I, along with Carlie and Emma, rode in a limousine behind the hearse carrying Charlie. Despite the snow and subzero temperatures, the streets of Forks were lined with well-wishers. Charlie was truly a beloved figure in this little town.

As expected, there was quite a showing from the police departments from all the little towns in the area. The Port Angeles police department offered the services of their Honor Guard. The pallbearers, dressed in their dress uniforms, carried Charlie's flag-draped coffin effortlessly to the gravesite. Their small crew of bagpipers played amazing Grace as the flag that adorned his coffin was folded carefully. There wasn't a dry eye in the crowd.

When the flag was ready, it was presented to Bella by a police officer in dress uniform, as was protocol. She was his eldest descendant, and Charlie and Sue weren't married. Bella graciously accepted the flag, but then stood and offered it to Sue, who accepted it with tears of thanks in her eyes.

After the ceremony, there was a small gathering at Charlie and Sue's house, with just close family and friends. Bella and Sue had spent hours the day before preparing copious amounts of food. I thought they went a little overboard until I saw the guys from the reservation that Charlie knew, and then I started to worry it might not be enough- those guys were huge.

The "small" gathering turned out to be a little overwhelming when we realized just how many people were considered Charlie's close friends. They all gave us their well wishes, and by the time I finished meeting all of them my head was spinning. About halfway through the gathering, I realized that I hadn't seen Bella for a while, and went in search of her.

I found her finally, draped in a blanket and sitting on Charlie's back porch staring out into the setting sun. Silent tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh, love, are you all right?" I asked, sitting next to her and taking her hand.

"Yeah," she sniffled. "It's just a bit overwhelming, you know?" She brushed the tears from her eyes and looked at me.

"He was loved, that's for sure," I said in response. "Are you holding up okay?"

"You know what's weird?" she asked. "A few years ago, I thought about when this day would come, and I didn't think I would survive it- the knowledge that he's truly gone. But now that it's come, I'm… okay. I'm grieving, of course, but I know I'll be all right. It's like for the first time, I can see hope for the future. Does that make any sense?"

"Of course it does," I answered. "You've been healing."

* * *

><p>I lie in bed that night in bed, eyes wide open, unable to sleep once again. Frustrated, I rolled over and grabbed Bella's book from the drawer of my nightstand, and retreated to the living room.<p>

I was determined to get through it, no matter how bad the memories stung.

I read for two hours straight, until I found myself on the last page.

_I have been through hell. I've suffered abuse, assault, and depression. For most of my life, I've felt hate, anger, loathing, and betrayal… but somewhere along the lines, I also found love._

_I never really understood the power of love until it hit me like a freight train. It's all-powerful, all consuming, and altogether frightening. When it was given to me, I foolishly pushed it away, because I was afraid._

_Most will say that I've made mistakes. I am well aware that I have made many. I was given love on a silver platter, and I threw it away because I didn't know how to handle it. I left my husband and child behind for my own selfish motives._

_Many will say that my actions are unforgivable. Most of the time, I think that as well. But every now and then, I remember that beyond the mistakes that I've made, there was a purpose behind my actions._

_How could I have been a good wife and mother, when all I felt what hatred towards myself? I simply couldn't. I needed to heal myself first._

_During my time away, I thought about my family often. I hoped and prayed that my daughter wouldn't suffer the same fate that I did- anger, anxiety, and self- loathing. I also realized, somewhere along the line, that if this was what fate had in store for my little girl,, then we would fight it, together._

_Because soon, I'm going home. I just hope that when I get there, I will be forgiven._

I smiled slightly and closed the book, setting it gingerly down on the table. She was right, on so many levels. Until she fixed herself, how could she be a wife and mother?

And she was forgiven, absolutely.

As for the fated illness my daughter was suffering- that too we would fight, as a family. I knew that it was time to start over.

Fate had given us another chance.

* * *

><p><strong>AN-** so what did you think? Anything you'd like to see addressed in the epilogue? Let me know!


	27. Epilogue

**_Epilogue:_**

**BPOV**

**Twelve years later**

About a month after Charlie died, Edward and I decided that there wasn't much keeping us in Forks anymore, so we decided to move to Seattle. Sue decided to return to the reservation with her family; she said Charlie's house held too many memories of his last days, and she chose to remember him when he was at his best. Darcy and Tom spent a lot of time in Seattle visiting Alice and Jasper, and I found out that Angie and Ben had grown more and more distant over the years.

I felt guilty that Angie and Ben weren't as big a part of Edward's life as they were when I left. Edward explained to me that their dissolution in friendship was more of a natural progression. They just grew apart over the years. Edward working full time and being a father didn't leave much time for them to maintain a close friendship, and I would be lying to myself if I said that at least part of that wasn't my fault.

Edward liked his job, but he didn't love it. While he had spent the last seven years teaching at the middle school, he missed the University setting, and he wanted desperately to return. Fortunately, his old supervisor was still teaching at the University, and upon hearing that Edward was returning to Seattle, he offered him his old position immediately.

I contacted Hale publishing, my old stomping grounds, and submitted a manuscript, which would become the first book written in my own name. I ended up publishing a series of books over the years, drama novels. There would be no more tell-all books from me.

Most importantly, in our preparation for the move, we discovered that the Children's Hospital in Seattle had a world-renowned child psychologist who could help Carlie get the therapy she needed. Even without insurance, I had made enough money from the sale of my book to get her the best medical attention I could. I nearly spent every penny of my earnings on her therapy and medical care, and it was absolutely worth it.

Carlie had weekly therapy appointments, evaluations with psychiatrists, and cognitive behavioral therapy, which taught her to have more healthy and positive responses to natural stressors. We were able to send her to first grade in a private school, and with smaller classes, Carlie was able to focus better, and began to excel at school.

Alice wasn't thrilled with us – or rather me – coming to Seattle at first. It took almost a year for her to speak to me again, and even now, I would best describe our relationship as cordial at best. Currently, she was living the high life with her hotshot lawyer husband. She called home every once in a while. It hurt that she wasn't still an active part of our lives, but I understood how she felt.

Rosalie and Emmett were an absolute godsend. It didn't take long for them to initiate a kid swapping deal. On the days that Carlie was with her Aunt and Uncle, Edward and I took the time alone to reconnect physically and emotionally. They used the time to make more babies. A couple of years after we moved to Seattle, Rosalie gave birth to twin boys, Henry and Charlie. They called Charlie C.J. because nobody could seem to distinguish between his name and Carlie's in conversation.

As for Edward and I, we decided that more children for us were decidedly out of the question. To us, it wasn't worth the risk.

Carlie suffered excessive stress and anxiety throughout elementary and middle school, but at a manageable level. She somehow forced herself to project all her anxieties into her schoolwork, and for that she was destined to graduate at the top of her class. I often worried about her spending too much time studying and not enough time on her social life, but just like her mom, she wasn't much of a social creature anyway. She had a couple of close girl friends, but she didn't go out much. I think that made Edward just a teensy bit happy, because she turned out to be a beautiful girl, who was oddly unaware of the attention she drew from boys her age.

Which is why I thought that Edward was going to have a stroke the first time Carlie came home with a boy. She was seventeen and completely blindsided us when she came home with William, a boy in her class.

_"Mom, Dad," she said shyly, shuffling her feet in the doorway. I couldn't help but notice her hand clasped tightly in this boy's hand, her knuckles practically white. Edward noticed too, and he was turning an unnatural shade of purple before she could even get over the introduction._

_"This is William," she continued. "He's taking me to prom."_

_I was very proud of my husband for keeping his composure as it looked like steam was about to come from his ears. "He is, huh?"_

_"Carlie, I'm so happy you decided to go!" I said excitedly, wrapping her in a hug. We'd argued over it at length. I didn't want her to miss a single experience, and prom was definitely a right of passage. Now I realized that she probably wanted to go, but nobody had asked her yet. She was too shy to ask anyone else._

_"If you hurt her, I'll kill you," Edward said, puffing his chest out and glaring at William._

_"I won't, I promise," William answered nervously. Edward gave him a curt nod before walking out of the room._

I think Edward died a little inside that day. His little girl was growing up.

And grew up she did. Not a year later, we were sitting around the dinner table with stacks of college applications, when I noticed that Carlie looked uncomfortable about something. It had been years since she had a true panic attack, but all the telltale symptoms were there.

"Breathe, honey," I soothed her, rubbing her back gently. "Whatever it is, you can talk about it. You know we're here for you."

Carlie did take a few deep breaths and calmed herself a bit.

"What is it?" Edward asked, concerned. "Are you nervous about going to college?"

Carlie shook her head. "It's just that I need to tell you guys something, and I'm afraid of how you'll react."

Edward's hand immediately went to the bridge of his nose, and I could hear him muttering under his breath… "Pregnant. She's fucking pregnant. I'm going to kill that bastard."

"Dad!" Carlie exclaimed, hearing him as well. "I'm not pregnant!"

"Carlie, ignore your father," I said with an eye roll. "There is nothing that you can tell us that will make us think any less of you, or make us be mad at you, do you understand?"

Carlie nodded, and her next words came out in a rush. "It's just that I've been thinking a lot about my future, and I know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a psychiatrist, or maybe a neurologist. I don't really want to work with patients per se, but I find the research fascinating. I want to know how the brain works, and if I can help people with mental disorders, then I know I'm doing something good with my life."

"That's a terrific idea, Carlie. I'm proud of you. Now what has you so nervous?" I asked, seeking the route of her issues.

"Well, I've been looking around at different schools, and I know which one I want to go to. I want to major in molecular biology and then transfer over to the medical school… at Johns Hopkins."

"Absolutely not." Edward said quietly.

Carlie nodded in understanding and stared down at the table. "That's what I was afraid you'd say. I shouldn't have even suggested it."

"Stop it right now," I said, to both of them. "Edward, how can you just tell her 'no' without listening to what she has to say?" I demanded.

"Johns Hopkins is in Baltimore!" Edward exclaimed. "Maryland! The other side of the country!"

I never wished as much as I did in that moment that Carlie could act like a normal teenager. Any time she was confronted or told 'no', she shut down and submitted. She avoided confrontation like the plague. What I would give for her to stand up to him and tell him what she really thought. She was eighteen. She had her life planned out. It was our job to support her, not contain her. And if she wanted to go to school in Maryland, then I certainly wasn't going to get in her way.

"We're not done talking about this," I said firmly. "There is a lot to consider. Carlie, we discussed schools closer to home so that you wouldn't have to live in a dorm. You said the thought made you uncomfortable. Have you changed your mind?"

"I spoke to a recruiter," Carlie answered. "He said that there are private rooms available for students with health issues. He said that my… condition… would qualify me for that, which helps."

I frowned at the way Carlie said "condition." She always talked about her anxiety disorder like it was something to be ashamed of.

"Okay. Also, you're aware that medical school will be a challenge. It is excessively stressful, even for the average person. Do you think you'll be able to handle it? I have no doubt that you can academically, but I emotionally, can you deal with the stress?" I asked.

"I think so. I've already talked to some prospective advisors. They all seem really nice and eager to help, so I'll have support. If it does get too hard, I can always change majors or transfer closer to home."

"It sounds like you've done a lot of planning," I said. "I'm impressed. Your father and I need to talk, okay?"

We did talk, and Edward admitted that he was overreacting. I even had to talk him down from packing up and moving to Baltimore with her, encouraging him that she needed to spread her wings a little. He just wasn't ready to let her go, but he knew he had to. He was proud of her, that much was clear, and his love and adoration for her was undeniable.

Later that evening, I went to Carlie's room and knocked. When she opened the door for me, I could tell that she'd been crying, and that just broke my heart.

"Can I come in?" I asked her.

She sniffled and nodded, motioning me inside. I shut the door behind us.

"Your father isn't mad, if that's what you're worried about. And we aren't saying no. In fact, if this is what you want, then we support you all the way."

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

I smiled. "Yes, really."

She squealed and threw her arms around me, and I laughed as I returned her embrace. I urged her to sit down and then sat on the bed next to her.

"I am concerned, though. I'm sure you've thought about all of this. That's quite obvious from the time you took to plan this. But it does seem like it came out of the blue. Where did this come from? You wanting to be a psychiatrist."

Carlie turned crimson instantly as she hesitantly reached for her nightstand and pulled out an old, worn book. I recognized it immediately- I wrote it.

"You wrote this, didn't you?" she asked, fingering the binding gently.

I bit my lower lip and nodded. Carlie knew bits and pieces about my past, but we never really talked about it. The truth was, I'd moved on from the book and my past. Reliving my past horrors hurt, but she also had the right to know.

"I thought so," Carlie said. "I've heard bits and pieces over the years, and some of it sounded really similar. I found this in your office. I wasn't snooping, I was just looking for something to read."

"Are you mad?" I asked.

"No," Carlie said carefully. "I understand now. I used to wonder why you had left dad and me all those years ago, but I was afraid to ask. But when I read this, it all made perfect sense."

"It did?"

"You didn't want to be like your mother," she said. "You left because you thought it would be better for Dad and me."

"I was afraid," I admitted. "The feelings I felt when you were born- they weren't me. They were terrifying. I was afraid that I would hurt you more by staying. I'm so sorry," I whispered, as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"You've been through so much," Carlie continued. "Your mom and her boyfriend, they were sick, right?"

I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip, warning myself not to break down.

"And you were sick too. And so was I…"

"Yes," I choked.

"That's when it hit me- what I wanted to do with my life. I don't want people to suffer like you did. You and Dad knew that I had a disease – that my mind wasn't working right. You guys did everything you could to help me, and I'm a better person for it. I want to do good for someone else too."

"I'm so proud of you," I whispered, wrapping her in my arms tightly. "You're going to be an awesome doctor. Your father and I will be there to support you all the way."

"I know," she answered. "Thank you. I love you."

When I returned to my room that night, I was a sobbing mess. Edward held me while I cried, begging me to tell him what was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong," I sobbed. "Everything is right. Everything is going to be fine."

Edward chuckled and continued to hold me. "You scared the shit out of me, love."

"I'm sorry," I sniffled. "It's just… I'm really happy now."

"So am I," he murmured into my hair. "I love you. Forever."

"Forever," I agreed, melting into his embrace.

For years I avoided that book. While it was a huge relief to write it and get it off my chest, when I finally came home to Edward and Carlie, I just wanted to forget about it and move on.

Even though I actively blocked out memories of my past for the last few years, I realized that night that I would never forget them. And I didn't want to.

Because my past was part of me. I had overcome so much. Forgetting the events and traumas that brought me to my present would make me appreciate what I had less.

I had a loving husband, an intelligent and beautiful daughter, a home, a job I loved… It helped to remember how I got here, and all the people that supported me along the way.

Despite my rocky beginnings, I was truly blessed. Edward and I had nothing but hope for the future.

**The End**

* * *

><p><strong>AN- **So that's it... we're finished. I'm both sad and relieved to be honest. I have more stories that I'm working on in my head, so I hope you'll put me on author alert, because I'm not quite done writing yet! As far as the Bella and Edward from Impending Doom and Fighting Fate, I think they're ready to retire.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has read, reviewed, and supported me throughout my writing.

Thanks to EternallyCullen, LisaDawn75, Sherryola, and gjficfan for pimping my stories! Now go read theirs.

These two stories were my first endeavor into fanfiction, and it's been a great experience. All my readers, thank you from the bottom of my heart!


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